Life Sucks, All Day Everyday. I have suffered from clinical depression since i was 20, that was almost 20 years ago, and get this, for no fucking apparent reason. I'm one of the most positive people. My co-workers and Employers are always complaining about bull shit and I just look at them and shake my head. People ask me for advice. People tell me I'm very positive. What they don't understand is i suffer from terrible depression like a motherf.. I have taken meds and nope that didn't help. Sometimes i go to bed and wake up feeling worse, LIKE I WANNA DIE. I have tried every med that's out there. I have gone to psychotherapy and the therapists can’t help me. I am not delusional; don't have distorted thoughts that usually cause depression, when i met with my doctors i was the one suggesting a course of treatment. They had exhausted everything they learn t in med school. I also live in a foreign country and I’m constantly reminded of my foreignness. My home country sucks. i haven't been back there for 10 years. I hate the way people think back there...I'm very independent and the culture back home cannot allow that. The Govt where i currently live makes it impossible to get citizenship. There are only a handful ways to get it, either you get lucky and fall in love with a citizen or have a family member who is a citizen apply for you. If you don't have relatives then tough luck. The only other way is to be an exceptional professional in your field of work. You need to be like a professor with tones of research articles etc Good luck with that knowing you will first need and education to reach that point. An education that costs an arm and a leg and can only be funded by the govt if you are a citizen. I don't like being around people yet i want to go out and have a good time with people. Is that even possible? People suck. It seems that everybody wants something for something. Even a friend is a friend just as long as you satisfy their need for a friend. Women suck even more. Women want more than they are willing to give in return. Women always think that men have to kiss the ground they walk before they can give it up. Women either want babies, relationship, money etc. There is nothing like a platonic relationship with a woman in my opinion. I have tried it many times and failed miserably. I don’t like commitments as it intrudes on my independence. I wouldn’t mind the right person if she came along but that person is nowhere around the corner. I m different from many people I know in so many ways. I have seen people struggle to stay in bad relationships” to make it better” . It boggles my mind. Why would anyone be in a relationship if they are not happy? I refuse to stay in a relationship if it doesn’t make me happy. Isn’t that the reason I seeked one in the beginning? I have walked out of relationships and even a marriage when I no longer felt happy. People told me I was crazy that I should have worked it out. My life has been full of struggles within and will not allow someone to add more mental anguish than I already have no matter the consequences. Life sucks and I’m not sure there is any help out there | |
You can't find people like your-self, that is how you suffer. Well, you dont need people like your-self. You can help others, and others will help you inreturn. Change the way how you think and stop looking for people who are as strong as your-self cause there are not that many of them around, and you dont get that lucky.
If you can't find a relationship that you want, and you dislike women for being them-selve, then may be the classic relationship is not for you. Like you said, you have tried the platonic. Therefore you are ready to leave what make human miserable behind you. Do what you want to do in life, fill you time by helping others, be a volunteer, stay positive by being who you are, change your mind set on what you are supposed to need, and stop taking any drug for the mind as you dont need them. Change your mind from within.
Be above human and humanitarian. The world needs you.
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