I completed three years of my university this year, and only now do I realize the value of a GPA on your degree. I barely have a 2.0, and I've got $75k in loans to pay off for school already. Who's going to give me a job when I can't even make a 2.0 once I graduate? I was extremely immature for all my life until the past two months when I realized how the world works - but all those years of wasting my time are now starting to take a toll on me. Other people my age, my class mates from high school and buddies from college are already making good money, buying cars, going on vacations etc while I'm stuck here wondering how to get my GPA up so I can get a job and pay off my loan.
My one positive in life is that I'm very handsome and fit, as I've been told by every woman I've met. But how does it fucking matter, when I barely have any sex life and have not had a single relationship. I can't seem to understand myself, prior to my age of 20 I had so many women want me, even older women whom many men will call MILFs, and who would've certainly known a thing or two in bed..but I never did anything about it, I just used to stand there and enjoy basking in their interest. Now I look back at it and realize all my wasted opportunities and I feel like shooting myself.
Yes, wasted opportunities - all this while I had women wanting me, and I kept thinking I wasn't good enough for any of them, that 'I wasn't the guy they thought I was' and other nonsense, so I shouldn't show interest in them as well. At some point in the past few months, after I finally lost my stupidity, a thought crept into my mind, which was - "What if I get caught looking at a woman's boobs while talking to her?", and ever since then, every time I talk to a woman, I'm just worried about *not* looking at her chest and I can't have a decent conversation because of that very thought, which puts them off and turns them away because thinking about 'not doing' something makes you actually do it! I'm just a handsome guy with no personality. When I had all those women want me, I was too naive to hook up and start something with them, and now that I'm not that way any more, I don't have the personality because of that fucking thought! I also have barely any friends because I used to be an arrogant prick who thought he was THE MAN which put all my friends off and now my social life is a non existent mess.
Next, I got called up to work in another city a few months ago. It was a two month job that was going to be paying me weekly, but I had to spend my own money for air fare. I did, purchased the ticket, landed in the city and when I get there what am I told? Your contract is reduced and now we only need you for two weeks - that barely covers my air fare! They provide me with a company room (a small, run down shack shared with 5 other guys, no furniture, just a mattress in my room) for two months and say that "Sorry for the reduced contract but we can provide you housing till you return to your home town, but you're going to have to spend for your own food". Fuck this shit!
I can't seem to understand why everything in my life is a mess, why I was so naive and stupid for so long, and every time I try to fix my problems by learning the right methods, some new issue comes up for me to tackle. Till when will I just tackle problems rather than live a normal, happy life like so many of my peers are doing? I'm sick of problems and problems! | |
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