this will make some of you feel better, to know there are others who are in deeper shit then you are and giving you the hope of saying "glad i'm not you".
I am in my 30's. I lost my job in 2009, was able to find one about 14months later, and now that one is gone,simply because, like many others, the whole business shut down. I have now moved back in with my parents. I have 30000 in student loans, and during the periods i was out of work, I would use credit cards to make it by. I am over 15000 in credit card debt. I have no way of paying either of those back. I have applied to countless jobs, mcdonalds, walmart, target, banks, temp agencies, etc, etc. I have made it to one interview out of the countless jobs i apply for as it is just faster and easier for them to email a rejection email after you take there online questionnaire.
I would say I am pretty well educated. I am willing to do anything at this point for money, but it appears anything isn't out there, at least not for me. The constant calls from creditors is getting to me. I wish i could just pack it all in and move around from place to place,but being close to 50k in debt...well, that is a heavy burden to carry.
I feel completely alone and I have thought numerous times of just taking a walk off a cliff. Its hard to enjoy this "free" time of being unemployed when there is $50k worth of debt hanging over you. its even harder when you have been on your own for the last 10years, only to have to go back to living with your parents. I feel utterly alone and helpless. i even had to give up my best friend, my little dog, sasha, because I could not afford to keep her. she was really the best and i wish i had her back at times like these, as there is nothing like the unconditional love you get, somewhat therapeutic.
here i am wishing i had 2 nickels to rub together so i could get some pills, alcohol, a bullet, anything to numb this feeling. i am just ready to give up on this life. i have tried so fucking hard, getting ahead for a short time, only to be thrown back 5 steps. I don't know what i did in a past life, but i am paying for it with this life. | |
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