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I don't know how to go on any longer

Posted by anonymous at December 23, 2009
Tags: Bad Luck  December 2009  Relationship

I feel so alone that I don't know how to go on any longer. Unlike some of the people on this site, I had a normal childhood and went to university, got an education and have worked my way to a good job. But life has become extremely challenging since graduation. It is not what I expected in my wildest dreams. I come from an extremely conservative Sikh family and I am in love with a Muslim, which is worse than anything else in the world for a Sikh girl to be with a Muslim man. I have gone through years of heartbreak, not finding the right person, no matter if they were Sikh or not. Now I am with someone I think I have a real chance and my once tight-knit family has been torn apart at the seams. I am no longer close to my family, a family that means more to me than anything else in the world. I am being told that they will not be at my wedding and they will not be a part of my future if "he" is in it.

When things couldn't get any worse, my father lost job two years ago and my parents have been struggles at such an age when they should be retiring. Oh an it turns out that my brother is a pathological liar and faked all the "facts" of his life for the past 5 years. He is also a drug addict. And he spent 5 years in university without getting a degree, wasting 100,000's of dollars of my parents' hard earned living. Now they are trying to bring him back to normal, while dealing with financial stress and dealing with my relationship.

My relationship has been full of trials and tribulations as well and plagued with doubt. The expectations are sky high when you are giving up your family for a man. I am not sure I can do this. I am not sure if I will say yes when he asks me to marry him. But I am not sure if I will ever meet someone as good as he is for me. I am paralyzed as I face the biggest decision of my life. Do I chose the person I believe is the one? Is he the one when we have so many problems or are the problems being caused by the pressure and stress from my family. They are constantly telling me that this is going to be the biggest mistake of my life. That this marriage will end in divorce. Or do I pick my family and hope that I will meet someone else who will make me feel this way? Someone else who will stick by me like he has? Someone else who will love and cherish me?


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Comments:
By anonymous at 24,Dec,09 12:52

"The expectations are sky high when you are giving up your family for a man."

You DIDNT give up your famliy for this man, THEY are the ones that gave you up, abandoned you, judging you and this man and even had that coldest heart in sayng that they will not be at your wedding. So you didnt do anything but fall in love, and that was enough for your famliy to kick you out the door.

This is what i hate about high-and-mighty religious famlies. they act like no one else is good enough unless people are the same as them. Be proud of yourself that you don't have such a close-minded view of how people are who are different then you and your background. Based on the attitude of your famliy, i would keep spreading your wings and show them that this is YOUR life, youre an adult, you can fall in love with whoever you want. God gave us the freedom to do so and he never meant for us to sepearte ourselves by culture, race etc. WE humans are the ones doing that to ourselves when in reality, God sees us all as the same.

If you go back to your famliy and do what THEY want you to do with your life, you are only showing that they have power over you and your decisions. I came across another story on here where a guy was talked out of doing his dreams, and now years later, he regrets it. Don't let that be you becuase youre constantly going to have those 'what ifs.' I know your famliy means alot to you but sadly they don't feel the same way about you, otherwise they would have stood by your side no matter who you fell in love with.

"They are constantly telling me that this is going to be the biggest mistake of my life. That this marriage will end in divorce."

Then prove them wrong with this statement. The only reason they are saying this is becuase, again, they are judging too much when they don't even know the guy, and they are trying to scare you becuase they want him part of the famliy. But you have to understand nowadays that people can't even hold a marriage for 6 months. we have to start breaking out of that cycle by STOP rushing things and START marrying for the right reasons.

Do your reasearch on Muslim history, their ways of life, how they treat women, what they expect out of women and children. If youre going to marry someone who's of a different religion, your lives WILL be tough becuase you wont see eye to eye on things. Don't marry this guy HOPING things will change or be great in the future. These are things you need to go over with him NOW so you can save yourself the I-told-you-so's, the humiliation, and money for Divorce. When you go down that aisle and stand by him at the altar, your mind should be made up 100% that this is what you want, not maybe, not sort of, but a solid and confident YES.

What's funny is your brother has been decieving them for about 5 years, wasting TONS of their money on pathetic crap, but yet your parents are begging him to come back and get his life straight, but they turn their backs on you becuase you simply fell in love even though you took advanatage of school and have never lied to them like that. Thats very, very strange. I wish my could do that for me, to pay for my college. but i guess thats what student loans are for, right?

But overall, don't let your famliy run your life.


By anonymous at 24,Dec,09 23:39

I could not have said any of that better myself. I agree completely.


By anonymous at 28,Dec,09 21:00

Your parents put your fkn selfish immature loser bro over you, who cares what thier advice is follow your heart.. jesus. youre an adult.


By anonymous at 13,Jan,10 05:09

fuck family, they're wrong this time.

cheers


By t at 16,Aug,10 23:26

Islam oppresses women. You, being a women, should be concerned about this.
By anonymous at 04,Oct,11 06:01

um no she shouldnt be concerned about what she is dont biase people due to their religion it doesnt matter who you r just listen to your heart......


By anonymous at 17,Feb,12 07:56

I am facing similar situation. I am Sikh and I am deeply in love with a Muslim man and our relationship is now 6 years old.

I try to connivence my parents but my dad is constantly saying that if I go ahead with this relationship he will kill himself and whole family. I am totally stuck coz I know I can't accept anyone in my life. I also told them that I will divorce him if they push me into arrange marriage but they want my agreement and to be happy to pick someone in sikh family. My had had heart condition when I told him about my love. Now I am really scared to take any step as what if it happens again.

I am completely lost and depressed. I can't go either way Its been months now that I have laughed and been happy.

Please Help Any suggestions.


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