Perhaps I should consider myself lucky. Not one but two wonderful women are completely in love with me.
The short version: I'm in a love triangle. I married the wrong woman, want to be with the other one, but can't stand hurting my wife, and oh yeah: she's pregnant.
I'm sure I will come off as totally selfish to some people.
8 years ago I met and fell in love with Natalie. We had a passionate relationship but things went down hill after 6 months. I tried to hold us together but eventually we broke up. I didn't see it at the time but I now see that it was mostly my fault that it fell apart.
So I ended up with another woman, Tara. She was really good to me and fun to be with and very stable. We settled into a good relationship, and after a couple years we got married. I felt like I was making a mistake but somehow I couldn't stop myself.
A year or two into our marriege I realise that I'm really still in love with Natalie. Not only that, but I've never been in love with Tara at all. I love her, but there are no romantic feelings whatsoever. I realise I've screwed up. But I don't do anything about it. Nat is married now and even has a child. She's unavailable.
Fast forward two more years. I'm still in touch with Nat from time to time, and I've been really dwelling on how much I wish it was her that I married. We're chatting and I just let it out that I'm still in love with her. She's quite shocked, but a day later she admits that she's still in love with me too. And she has the same marriage problem as me: her husband is a great guy, and she loves him very much, but she's not romantically in love with him.
I had no desire to destroy her family and she didn't either. But after a few weeks of talking about it, she realised that she wanted so badly to be with me that she is willing to divorce her husband. I want to be with her just as much so I plan to leave my wife.
But when I try to leave her, I realise how hard it is. I love her so much that I just don't have the will to hurt her like that. And then she gets pregnant by accident (there's a story behind that, but the short version is that she went off the pill when she had surgery, and then stayed off it without telling me). At first I don't want to have the child, but she does (we're in our late 30's, so this is probably her last chance). She's determined to have it, and after a while I realise that a big part of me wants it too. But my feelings about these two women hasn't changed. Now it's even harder for me to leave my wife. I can't bear the thought of her going through pregnancy and childbirth alone. So I stay.
But I continue to have a completely phone/email based relationship with Nat. It's almost like we're a couple, except we're not. Emotionally, we are cheating on our spouses.
So now I'm here: I'm married to a woman who I do love, but not romantically. She's about to have our first child. I'm still passionately in love with another woman who feels the same way about me and desperately wants to be with me. I want that relationship so much. I want romance. I want Natalie. But if I leave my wife, I'm hurting her more than I can imagine, and also giving my unborn child a broken home to be born into. If I don't leave her, it seems I'll be forever grieving missing not one, but two opportunities to be with my dream woman. Not to mention that I'm breaking Nat's heart again. How can I live with myself?
I'm paralyzed by this situation. I feel like I'm going mad.
Oh, just some icing on the cake: I've been unemployed for 7 months, and I've completely lost all my passion for the work I've been doing for 15 years. I'd like to work but I have no other skills. I'm depressed (I've had depression for 20 years), have very low self-esteem and self-confidence, and I'm ashamed and guilty about what I'm doing.
Most days I fantsize about suicide, but I know I won't do it. I just don't know what to do. | |
im so sorry for you.
u have a good wife and a beauty child in future, but u are thinking about cheating!
2. JUST BE HONEST AND THE REST WILL FOLLOW....
remember you reap what you sow- which means if you damage other peoples lives, you will have alot of bad karma around you- so if your 'sub conscious' is giving you trouble already about this problem then it may be a hint that you are not heading down the right path at the moment?.......God will listen to you but only if you care about those around you, and not just for your own selfish interests,...and also you must love your wife more then you realise, because you chose to marry her didnt you!
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