I have had a hellish life. My childhood was a horror of abuse daily by a drunkard father. He called me a dumb fucking bastard dozens of times a day since I can remember. My loving mother sat there and did nothing. I tried to find love with 5 failed marriages. I picked any loser who would have me. After getting cancer, my bastard ex husband took my 15 yr old son and made me pay child support. He also got the judge to make me pay $1500 in his lawyer fees. After being healed from cancer, I attempted to go to nursing school. After 5 years of being lead on by a community college, they failed me on some stupid paperwork. My grades were in the 90s, but they didn't like my paperwork. That was the last straw for me. I am always the idiot, always the asshole, I have come to accept it. My job in life is to lay there and let everyone and everything kick me around. It will never get better, it never has- it never will. I am tired of playing this pretend game that it will change. I'm ok with taking my beatings of what life has to offer. I used to wonder why my asshole ex husband was being blessed with money, a good marriage, etc. Now I get it. Certain people (very few) are the chosen ones in life to get beaten down everyday. You have to take it. There is no choice. Thanks for listening. From, Given up for good since this last knock down | |
As for certain people getting shit on for life, I would tend to agree with you on that point. Why some people have everything in life, and others get fucked over time and time again is a mystery. I have learned to expect the worse. I try therapy, however that is a crap shoot too.
I wish you the best.
Wish you good luck
Not trying to out do your misery, My mother was very loving, but my father was abusive. As a sensitive boy, I wanted an emotional connection with my dad, but he ignored me. When I was 14 I was overweight, didn't have a hair on my body, and my penis was incredibly small. On two occasions, I was raped by three boys.
This was the most contact I had with males, as I wasn't allowed to have friends, so I gave into the need for male contact and continued to have sex with boys though high school, for an emotional connection with males.
I have been with women, but almost 3" hard, I've never been too sought after by women for sex .... and find myself eventually going back to men to satisfy my sexual needs. I once married, and am a father, so my penis works, but even my ex complained that it was too small, for her to enjoy.
I have found my peace in resigning to being only with men sexually. It wasn't the way I saw my life turning out, sucking dick, and getting screwed, but it isn't that bad. I continue to hope to meet a woman who doesn't care about me being small in the pants .... and will love me, and care for me anyhow ... and as long as there is hope ... I wake up each day.
I strongly believe that we all deserve as much as we can fight for. And I know this sounds like some bad self - help book, but I'm going through a rough patch myself and that's what I'm doing. I'm trying to fight for what I deserve.
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