for soon I have done to deserve this life. I was born into a family with parent who shouldn't have been together. My mother admitting on my wedding day that she married my dad on the rebound.Fuck!!!!!!!!!!
I have two brothers and U spent my childhood trying to keep them out of trouble as my dad was an angry man who had been bought up in a boarding school with no idea how a family worked.
I left home at 17 trying to get away but never succeeded. My then boyfriend was mentally abusive and loved to control me but I found a man who liked me and didn't like the way I was being treated so I left the boyfriend of 3 years and went with the man. It was through him I met someone who said they loved me. He was gentle and kind and truly loved me but for some reason I couldn't love him back the way he should have been. Anyway we goty married and had 3 kids. Great kids.
The eldest 2 of them had severe dyslexia and I had a constant battle with the education department. My husband not being good at relationships said that it was my fight so I battled bby myself for our kids. I wanted theem to have the best I coud give them.
The Thrid child had no learning problems but when he was 8 I found out that he had been a victim of sexual abuse by a good frien of our family. Through the fucking legal system we went. Me battling to understand why and doing all the stuff required on my own as my husband again said that it was my shit. Fuck why have a partner who was not willing to do anything.
I hate life the struggle and the crap. I do it all on my own so why do it at all!!!!! I am tired, I have no will to live and I have now sttarted drinking for comfort.
I want to live to see mu kids succeed but I hate the pasin and have ofgten hurt myself to get rid of the mental pain. Physical pain is much easier to bare.
The thingi didn't say is that I was sexually abused as a child and I thought that I could protect my kids but I have failed so badly I can no longer bre the pain