Hey everybody. I guess this is just a bad time for me and life doesn't suck per se, but here I go.
I am making a mess of my life. I have no real friends except a couple people that might be considered friends but we aren't that close and live in other countries (better than nothing, yeah, but still meh). I have a boyfriend who currently lives on the other side of the planet and I will only get to see in August for 3 weeks but never before that and it'll be months again after.
My mother was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease and I am her only caregiver currently. I am only 22 and trying to graduate from university but being a full time student, caregiver, long distance relationship lover, it is so hard to handle it all. I won't give up on any of these things, that'd be impossible for me to do, but it is just so hard to live life with no relief. I am trying to pursue some hobbies that will keep me sane in the little free time I have but I am so emotionally strained I can hardly keep up.
I feel my life is completely up to others and my wishes and desires don't matter at all. My boyfriend keeps trying to plan our move together though we both know it's in years and he has no ways of planning it out just yet. Plus he keeps taking jobs that won't allow him to easily visit me and will just pay for me to visit him instead, which is ok, but I just wish he could come over instead at times.
My mom used to be my best friend but now she is sick so everything is different, it's tough to take care of her alone. My brothers won't help that much since they are far too. She is depressed and I try to cheer her up but it's hard. Hard to deal with and hard to figure out how to help. She has a neurodegenerative disease after all so nothing is ever getting better for her.
I just needed to rant since I am so alone and have nobody I can talk to about this. Today I've just heard this friend of mine that lives near my boyfriend is finally moving in with her boyfriend in 8 months as her university allows her to finish school online. She is doing grad school and almost the same education as my boyfriend yet he has zero days off while she gets the chance to finish her education online and move in with her boyfriend. I know this is so wrong but I am so upset that I don't get that chance instead and that things are so much worse for me. I just wish for once something lucky happened to me, but maybe I am just overreacting because of all the stress accumulating.
Thanks for reading this, I know that this might not sound like a big deal to anyone but I guess when you're in it, it feels different. | |
Oh as for the previous writer stating that your mom will die.
The Psalmist cried out, "No man cares for my soul." [Psalm 142:4]. He was experiencing the loneliness of isolation from other people, and the feeling that those around him were pursuing their own interests rather than showing genuine concern for his soul.
People are often pursuing their own interests and desires, but the lesson we must learn is that people are not our source. In the midst of your isolation, you can turn to Christ and discover that His love truly does satisfy. Jesus understands loneliness and rejection. He experienced isolation from people. Because he understands, he is able to bring acceptance and love.
Christ brings you love, acceptance, and intimate communion with the God of love. With Christ, you are not alone. He conquers your loneliness by coming to dwell within you. Loneliness is removed by the presence of the indwelling Christ.
There is precious communion with Christ, when a lonely person discovers that the love of Christ is real and satisfying. There is an old saying, "Blessed are the homesick, for they shall come home." Loneliness and isolation are signs of homesickness, which can only be healed by coming home to Christ.
Christ makes us whole. His love makes us whole, and out of the overflow of Christ's love within us we can then show love and compassion for those around us. Out of the overflow of His love and acceptance for you, which heals your loneliness, you can show love and caring towards those around you.
He knocks at the door of your heart; the presence of Christ is real. But He must be invited into your heart, into the center of your being.
Receive Him; receive His cleansing and forgiveness and love. Allow Him to have the control of your life in a genuine surrender, and His loving presence will fill you, removing loneliness and unrest. May the peace of Christ fill you now!
A Prayer of Surrender:
Dear Lord Jesus, please fill me with your love, and wash away all my sins. I surrender my heart and life to you. I ask you to receive me and make me whole.
Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins, to cleanse me and forgive me. Thank you for dying on the cross for me, to make me a child of God. I turn away from all my sins, with all my heart.
I receive you, Lord Jesus, as the Lord and Savior of my life. I ask you to rule in my heart and life from now on. I ask you to fill me with your loving presence, and guard me with your divine protection.
I ask you to strengthen me and help me, to live for you from now on. I ask you to fill me with love so that I can love other people with a pure love. Fill me with love so that I can love you with all of my heart.
Amen.
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