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My life is Shit

Posted by anonymous at January 1, 2011
Tags: 2011 January  Job  Loneliness

Ever since I could remember my memories are so depressing. When I was growing-up I was constantly bullied. At home I was regularly beaten for minor things like mispronouncing a word during a reading session with my parents. In addition my mother and the rest of the siblings hated me. I felt like such an outcast at both home and school. Most of my life was spent in my self-imposed exile locked up in my room contemplating suicide and procrastinating.

University was shit too, I total flunked as I was a lazy, stupid moron who hardly turned up to lectures or tutorials and never did any homework. I ended up being kicked out when I failed the 2nd year; my father was pissed! I managed to squeeze myself back in after retaking some exams a year later which I narrowly passed by the skin of my teeth. My 3rd year at university was a fucked up too, I barely passed out with a 3rd class degree. In my time at university I seem to have made no friends; I spent most of my time in my room too, I doubt I knew more than 2 people there and those 2 people I rarely spoke to anyway. My graduation was shit and I felt totally embarrassed to even be there as I did not know anybody.

After university I found it difficult to get a job so ended up doing minimum wage temporary jobs for 3 years; I made no friends and nobody cared when I left. After that I worked for the NHS (IT department) for about 5 years; there nobody liked me either and it felt like my boss hated me. I really put a lot of effort into my job working all hours (for nothing extra) as I had nothing to do outside of work. The latest I ever stayed at work was 3:30am and was back in office by 10am (the normal office day is meant to be 9am to 5pm, and nobody seems to work after 5pm) - but my efforts were never appreciated, I had enough of it so recently I quit. Again nobody seemed to give a shit, only a few people even bothered to talk to me on my last day. On my last day I ended up staying late (out of goodwill to finish off some work) whilst everybody else went home early - it was depressing.

My next job is no better I did not get along with the people there and I felt like a loser as usual; I am due to leave there in less than a month as they don't want me any more.

My memories of social situations have all been embarrassing; Christmas Parties where I am always such a loner with nobody to talk to, and my attempts at talking to women have been useless as they seem very uncomfortable and all of the time end up walking away; I am totally ugly and don't seem to have much of a personality. In the office I rarely make small talk; the only significant times when I open my mouth are during heated arguments which I end up losing anyway as I am an inarticulate small oaf who cannot make any convincing points. I never had a girlfriend, ever - I don't know what it is like to be with somebody or even have a true friend, i.e. somebody that genuinely likes you.

I feel so socially inept, I don't know how to befriend anyone without them perceiving me as false. Speaking to women is so hard as I have nothing of interest to say or nothing amusing to share. I still think about suicide many times a day, everyday. I want to be a socially accepted person but don't know how?! The more I think about my life the more I actually want to end it all so as to save myself from humiliating memories and future humiliation.

I always think running away from the current situation is the answer, but I just end up being fuck up what ever I do or where ever I go. My 20's have been truly shit and forgettable. My 30th birthday is coming up soon and I still got no friends - I think it is time to die as I don't want to live the next decade like this one or even celebrate such a milestone on my own!


Similar Entries:
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New Comment

By at 21,Jan,11 12:09

After reading this I can totally understand why you may think your life sucks...but please dont take your own life! Life is precious and you will realise that one day. There are people all over the world who are fighting for their lives from cancer - aids - hunger! My life is not perfect either, no ones life really is.. everyone has something they dont like about themselves but you have to try not to focus on your bad points and focus on the good! Instead of killing yourself why dont you make some use of your healthy body and work for a charity.. be a volunteer and travel around the world helping to save lifes.. Im sure the people that your helping wont dislike you and take you for granted like everyone else...
Also when you do go into a new job/city/group, dont be the person you think you are a university educated healthy young man and you have got something to offer..

life is passing by super fast and you have got to get your ass in gear! If all the assholes in your area dont like you then move... If youve got no friends where you are now then what difference does it make if you go somewhere else..

I had to realise that no one is gonna rescue you from your shitty life, you have to do something about it..try to think positive... but for now look up jobs in charity, you still get paid but the work will make you feel so much better about youself..

If thats not your thing then join the army or join a religious group that do good(not the bombing type though please!!)

Youve got choices - dont just settle into giving up. I dont know you, But I took 10 minutes of my time to write this to you to try to convince you not to take your own life... There are good people in this world - and Im not saying Im one of them, but I know how it feels to hate your life.

I really hope you take my advise - be brave - you dont have to live your life like this and you dont have to die to stop it!

The best of luck x

By anonymous at 21,Jan,11 15:14

wow, you sound like my future. everything has happened to me so far until university. (which i am not in yet)

By at 23,Jan,11 03:51

what u written is line to line matches with present i am 33. i have studied indian vedic astrology and figured out that all this bad experiences are predetermined in birth chart..if you give me your birth time,place ,i can study ur chart...

best luck every day is new be positive

By someone at 23,Jan,11 12:16


I totally understand you. Sounds very much like myself.

I am 23, managed to get through uni on my 2nd try but never talked to anyone in there. I almost never went out, have always been spending all my time in my room reading or surfing the net. Nowadays I have only 2 friends and both of them plan on moving somewhere else.

I work in IT department for govermental company, the work day is Mon-Fri 8.30-17.00 and seems like everyone leaves work at 16.30. The pay is low and fixed, no matter whether you stay at work late or work weekdays(which has been the case for the last 2 weeks).

Like you, I have always been very shy and never had a girlfriend.

Do understand that there are millions of people like you and me out there. Some are better, others are in a much worse situation than you. You can find some of them on website.
By anonymous at 24,Jan,11 09:51

I was a member on that forum for 6 months. It's a great resource if you want to stay totally depressed and fucked up. Misery loves company.

Five months after I stopped my pity party, I have some old friends back, but mostly have made new ones. I'm still single but I don't feel doomed to it.

My life still sucks but I don't make a point to spend my whole day wallowing in that fact anymore. Maybe 20 minutes, tops.

By anonymous at 25,Jan,11 14:47

hey, my life is shit but its not as bad as yours yet. just keep brave and dont give up. good luck

By Just Me at 31,Jan,11 13:41

Ditto. You just described my life. One difference though, I'm 27 and did have a boyfriend once, but he left me for someone he met on holiday. Life sucks.

By Mike at 22,Jun,11 13:41

Dude! What you need is a change in your life. I suggest that you go to some seminar and learn a couple of things about making friends. Rule number one: Take care of your hygeine and how you look. Then get yourself employed in a place and try to get along with your colleagues by laughing at their jokes, telling them non offending jokes, and asking them how their weekend was. Smile more often. Gradually later invite them over to some snacks and beer at your place on a Sunday evening or a Friday evening. Buy a lot of beer and tasty snacks and turn on some good music. Take it slowly and smoothly and things will happen. To make friends you have to give and offer more than you take and request. Once you have a few friends, your life will not suck anymore.
About work, never think that anybody will appreciate you or your work because humans are unsatisfiable. Just do your job fairly and don't put any extra. So if your shift is 9 to 5, be there 5 minutes before 9 and leave 5 minutes after 5 and that's it.
By anonymous at 10,Jun,12 17:43

you are so right in fact life is that simple! give and take , want more ,give more, smile more,laugh more, then take more! No luck needed.

By Nike?LeBron?10?Low at 15,Aug,14 12:32

Colin Trudel Tasers kill." wrote

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