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Happiness: Fact or Myth

Posted by Lost1 at December 28, 2010
Tags: 2010 December  Drugs  Family  Tragic Events

I have never known happiness. I was the product of my mom's rape; a fact she never let me forget. The youngest of 5 kids. To help raise us, my mom found one abusive drunk after another. She dealt with it all through drugs. Even now, her body still lives but she is dead. I had no hope as a child. Until I made my first friend at the age of 9. For the first time, I saw some joy in the world. One night, we were all attacked and she was killed. I got to see the only person who gave a d*** about me killed. I spent most of my early teen years in and out of trouble. Taking almost any drug I could find. We lived hard and most of the kids I hung out with died from drug over-dose, gang-related violence, and even random acts of nature. In my late teens, I started dating a nice clean-cut girl who really helped my turn my life around. Then one day, she told me she was pregnant and I was going to be a father. And I thought to myself I would be a great father. The father I never had. I would be everything a father is suppose to be. My son was born september 11, 2001 (i know, wierd). Even through the tragedies of that day, I have never been happier. However, my son was born sick. He lived for three months and died on December 14th of that year. It drove his mom overboard and she took her own life. And once again, I was alone. It has been proven over and over again there is no hope in this world. No point. I try to keep going. And everyday I sit in my empty apartment struggling to find a reason. I keep telling myself "everything happens for a reason" and that God never puts more on us then we can handle. I'm just so tired of seeing pain everywhere i look. I buried my friends, I buried the love of my life, and I buried my child. What reason could there be for that? I'm just so tired and I don't want to do this anymore.


Similar Entries:
Is not about happiness... August 24, 2011
The fallacy of us November 14, 2011
Does Life Get Better? Or Is It Just A Myth? January 25, 2012
untitled story August 16, 2010
Optimists make me sick July 18, 2010

New Comment

By anonymous at 17,Jan,11 19:58

yap waking up every morning and your already tired of life kinda know what it is, but usually thers always something to look forward 2 no matter how small or insignificant it may seem to others.

By at 18,Jan,11 04:53

Man all i gotta say is : stay strong, and don't do anything stupid, live your life the way you see fit, and i'll be always praying for you, i hope your life gets better... and my life too
best wishes homey

By anonymous at 19,Jan,11 17:49

Wow that really fuckin' sucks. It's better to have loved and lost then it is to have not loved at all, which is more than I can say for my life coming from someone who only feels hate and contempt.

By at 31,Jan,11 10:33

Now that is one fucked up life. I really can feel it through all this ranting. I actually have a life of violence too, but not as serious as yours.

By anonymous at 02,Feb,11 03:18

Okay that's pretty fucking hard core, man. I thought I had problems. Fuck. You must've done some super ill shit in a past life to get THIS one - lol.

Okay. Perhaps I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean anything horrible by it. I tell myself the very same thing a lot when I look at my shitty life (NOTHING compared to yours though, man).

Part of my point, I think, is that the soul is eternal, and goes through allll kinds of lives and experiences. Life on earth SUUUUCCCCKKKKSS major balls, and I wonder what the fuck I did (or you did, or whoever else did) to deserve being put where we are.

Yeah . . . God doesn't give you more than you can handle, right? Well, you know what that means? That means you're one strong mother fucker, cuz God's given you a lot of shit to deal with. You got some massive karma you're having to deal with, bro.

The good news is that so long as you don't kill yourself, you're definitely addressing some serious karmic debts in your life.

All the best, bro . . . and sorry about your love - the love or your life and your kid. Sorry, man.

Peace, love.
By Lost1 at 18,Feb,11 11:13

Thanks for that. I do agree with you. I often wonder what hell I must have been in a past life to have to go through this. I know there is a reason...there has to be. And I stopped trying to figure out what it is....that alone will drive someone crazy. I just know, when I'm ready, I will understand. Until then, I keep trying to go on. Life is a fight and those who keep fighting and keep their faith will stand before God and he will shine his love down. And I will be with my love, and I will be with my son again. I know this. There is happiness. and I will wait for it.

blessed be, my friend

By Thomas at 22,Feb,11 00:06

My mother met drunk and he her boyfreind he abusive toward me but the drink was too much and he get drunk and pass out and once he broke the door frame and the next couldn't remember doing it and once he staied all night that was my mother tossed him out and my life turned around. I buried two of my freind one shot himslef and the was shot in an armmed robbery of a block buster where he worked. A girls saw was there when the boy killed himself.

By anonymous at 27,Apr,11 16:46

This really suck i hope you find someone else, i hope your life turns around and is everything u ever wanted it to be
im so sorry about your losses
god bless, ill pray for you

By anonymous at 05,May,11 00:47

hahahahahahahahaha man that sucks.

By anonymous at 03,Aug,11 22:24

Man, i read ur story and it made me cry, i am so sorry this has happened to you! Stay strong, it will get better!!

By anonymous at 16,Feb,12 14:33

Hope you find peace bro. I really have no words to say after hearing about the tragidies in your life. You have survived, make the most of it. My prayers are with you.

By at 27,Nov,12 12:45

If you wrote an airltce about life we'd all reach enlightenment.

By Yves Saint Laurent Shoes at 13,Oct,14 09:35

We'll see. it was hard to tell if he was serious or joking. does that count? Apr 3at FinalLAA 4.0 2 0 , P 8 352 50 because I could hardly believe what I¡¯d seen.

By ') onmouseout="hideddrivetip()"> at 11,Feb,15 02:40

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