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Life is nothing but a lie

Posted by Kat at September 12, 2009
Tags: Family  Health  Loneliness  Poverty  September 2009  Violence

I feel so alone...

When I was a child, maby 4 years old... my older brother used to rape me. My mother then noticed but she didn't tell anybody about it so I had to keep the secret with me.
I still live with my brother and my mother and the rest of my family, now they all know about what happened but they decided to forgive him and think I'm a happy person because I have a house, and they love me, and they treat me right.
My brother stopped touching me like 12 years ago... more or less. I'm 17 years old right now.
But sometimes it's hard to live whit them.

I have a long-distance relationship, because my boyfriend moved... He told me he would come back like hal-year ago but he never did.
Sometimes he gets angry and he gets a little rude with me... sometimes he call me "whore" or "stupid ungrateful child" (he's 22)... then he telle me he loves me, but he still keeps hurting me saying he will come back here when he won't.
He tells me that I'm a sick person and nobody will love me the way I am (I have a neurological disease: headaches, psychosis or being depressed), that any guy who talk to me only wants to play with me or fuck me... but he's the only one who loves me.

My life sucks so bad... I'm sick, I'm alone, my family doesn't have money, my boyfriend treats me bad (even though I love him), I remember when my broder raped me every goddamn day of my life.

I'm doom to be unhappy forever.


New Comment

By anonymous at 12,Sep,09 17:09

Wow that really sucks but i've kinda been there, iam 27years old and also had some childhood abuse from an older step brother ( who is now passed away)So now iam living alone, my parents are divorced, both saying i should help them out with there massive debts and to top it all off my girlfriend got pregnant with another guy and just recently had her baby! ( i also treated her very well)
Even though iam super depressed most of the time iam glad to say there's still a little hope in me that things will get better :)
By Kat at 16,Oct,09 21:49

I'm glad sometimes... in a couple of months my brother will move to another house with his girlfriend. Maby I'll move too, but with my dad.
I finally broke up with my boyfriend. Even though I feel like shit I think I'll be better.

It seems like things are getting better.

By anonymous at 13,Oct,09 01:06

If you ever want to be happy you've gotta get rid of the boyfriend. He doesn't love you the way you deserve to be loved if he's treating you that way. I don't even know you, but I know if you were my girl you'd be treated much better than that. Please. For yourself. You can do much better, I promise you that. There are good guys out there, I promise. You just gotta look and have hope. Best of luck.
By Kat at 16,Oct,09 21:58

I really appreciate what you wrote to me.
Maybe you will never read what I'm posting, but if you read this... I wanna tell you that your short comment remind me something I knew: I can do much better.
My boyfriend lied to me and made me believe he was about to came back when he wasn't.
I'll find someone better, but he'll never find someone as good as me.

By tabby at 17,Oct,09 13:05

i know how you feel the same thing happend to me not as long but he was part of my family to

By anonymous at 13,Nov,09 17:58

you cant change what happened to you... you can only change the future you are given....everyday.

By anonymous at 04,Dec,09 02:26

i wish u will find a good person who will love you more than you think .and understand u more than any body else in ur whole life.
here is my mail
i live in us. la .
if you like to talk sometimes just write me :) i will be happy to hear u :).
and dont forget your sex is yours and thats the powerful thing u have , dont give to any shit. im boy i like to sex to but i rather u kick my ass 2 if i want 1 night sex .
think about what u are and what r u doin.
imagin the grater in your life .
forget yesterdays that were painful.
remember good moments when u r sad.
make connection as much as u can . but control ur relationships carefully .
take care honey.

By Ericka at 07,Jun,10 01:27

My father raped me two years ago. I am 19 but I don't why your parents did call police. The last father raped was on 16 birthday. I was by him and two of his freinds. they shoiwe remorse and they they were sorry but not my father. Before my mother died he called me his princess but after she died that ended with my childhood. Your doesn't sound nice That verbal abuse and sexual abouse fro your brother. My abuse was also sexual assalt. being beat and raped. Stay strong and be good to your self and if possible find a better guy other than your boyfreind.

By anonymous at 19,Jul,10 19:19

Your grammer and spelling are terrible rewtrie and use spell vheck you loser with is pell W I T H now whit.
By anonymous at 26,Oct,10 04:11

Yours is not any much better with GRAMMER & SPELLING errors! Don't be so quick to judge before checking yours!
By anonymous at 16,Nov,11 12:46 Fold Up

and this is how to spell rewrite and check you stupid fucking dumbass.

What kinda moron insults someones spelling and then misspells simple words themselves?

Fucking Idiot

By at 15,Apr,11 20:57

It's spooky how clever some ppl are. Tanhks!

By anonymous at 24,Nov,11 02:06

hi, friend, just take it from the brighter sides.

You said your brother raped you. But it's in the past' right? When he was only a silly kid, right?
Yes what you've experienced were painful, but I think your bro and yourself and what you've felt in your life are in need of a heartfelt forgiveness. Your mother could forgive him. Why don't you? If you wanna say you have, then keep trying if you haven't succeed. I say this a bit sharply because i want you to move on and have a look on this exact moment.

About your bf, i can say you're lucky enough. I guess he really wanted to own you selfishly by saying that. Don't take his words seriously, if you're not worthy why he kept coming to you? It's a useless trick.
If you can't stand with him, find a new guy.

And always know that i hope what's best from you from here

By anonymous at 25,Nov,11 14:09

I know this is an old post but I would press charges against your brother .

He is more then likely to rape another child if he did it to you !

Your mother didn't protect you and shame on her !!

You need to get out of that unhealthy house or the cycle will continue .

You are not a child anymore so you have 2 choices in life ...

Love yourself and find people who know how to respect and love one another


Stay in the cycle of abuse
If your b/f treats you like crap then leave him !
Why do you let others miss treat you ?
People will not help others who do not help them self .
So if you really want change in your life then YOU need to do it and not depend on others .

By anonymous at 13,May,12 08:37

Girl you need healed, also can u move out???? the boyfried is jealous that u will move on you are not sick , you are just hurt, get focused on something else, and pray God heals you, kuz only he can, he TRULY loves u not the evil that has been happening to you, dont let people use u every again.. God bless You Child

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