I really don’t know what to think anymore. I’m 21 years old and I used to make an effort to be thankful for what I had, since hell, being poor in the U.S. is far better than being poor in a 3rd world country. Then my roommate’s parents suddenly decided to sell their house, at the beginning of the college quarter, and I was immediately forced to move out, even though I had paid rent on time each month (“No hard feelings, and all”). I was able to find a new apartment in time, but the deposit ate up the remainder of my savings, causing me to go through two months, during which I had no idea where I was going to get my next meal or how I was going to pay the rent. This was how I spent my Christmas.
Things are a lot better now, but it still annoys me to see people working a fraction as hard as I do seemingly getting all of the breaks in life. That sounds arrogant, but I have always been told by people that I am the hardest worker they know. I used to walk one hour to my part time job, work for five hours, and then walk another hour to get home, at 1 AM in the morning, while also balancing school. Meanwhile, I see students at prestigious universities drinking themselves into a stupor off of their parents’ beer money, and barely making it to class.
I go to a community college, despite graduating in the top 12% of my high school class, which makes me wonder why I didn’t simply drop out during my Freshman year to work at McDonald’s. During the times that I didn’t know how I was going to feed myself, I seriously contemplated the fact that I would’ve been better off that way, since then I’d at least have some sort of savings and financial security. My years of hard work throughout high school was a waste of my time, so I still think that I would’ve been better off enjoying it, doing God knows what.
I now have a 3.8 GPA, and I’d like to think that things are picking up, but at this point, I don’t even believe in the value of hard work. As said before, I don’t even know what to believe, anymore, making me numb to anything positive that happens in my life. The only thing I’m sure of is that I’d rather die than spend another seven years working my ass off without anything resembling a reward. | |
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