I hate my life and always have...I have the word luck ever and on top of it people always used me...
ok lets start the story of my crappy life.
i born with a condition on my femur. when a baby undertook so many surgeries to try fixing it. that was one of the rare luck things that ever happened to me because today i can walk.. need to wear something on my shoes like half inches higher but no big deal.
Never met my father, never asked about my father to anyone either. so never had a father figure to show teach me things..
been bullied all my life because of my problems.
went to shrinks and all that crap...
ok now when i was around 20 i had my 1st internet dating because i thought i was too ugly to get a normal girl so i actually always tried to be with other ugly girls because i never thought i could get a pretty girl.
Im the skinniest and probably the weakest guy in the planet. i never did PE classes or went to the gym so i got no muscles at all.. i always tell people i like being that way.. but to tell you the truth because im so skinny and weak im too shy to go to the gym and change my self.
So after some relationships over the years i figured i could actually have a nice looking girlfriend.. i really have no clue what they see in me.. because i think im ugly as fuck... i had friends over the years and lots friends too.. because i cant be bothered even talking to them... i rarely go out of the house.. i hate talking to people im so shy,,, when i go out, i shake and sweat.. its ridiculous...
girls that i online date usually just date me because they are fucked up emotionally then after half year or so when they are good again, they dump me.
At work people always use me and dont pay me right.. i dont have a job because of that reason.. they were screwing me over...
so the present... i met this girl 3 years ago, we been seriously dating, i even went to meet her in her country and i stayed there for 5 weeks it was great i felt like a normal person.. i liked it. anyways i came back now.. and we have been online for the past 4 months... now she just told me she has feelings for somebody else.. she has been faking for the past month.. we were planing in getting married and i was getting her ring specially made.. this sucks.. now im all alone again and broke.. i'm sure she also just used me then when she found somebody better she didnt even stop to think it twice.
What is the point of life.. i hate the system.. people say we all have the right to do what ever we want in life.. but that is so not true.. the minute we are born we are owned by the system. we are slaves of the system and we cant do anything about it.
i made a decision to be alone all my life.. because im really tired of people walking all over me and using me when they feel like..
no im not suicidal.. i thought about it many times.. but im just my family would be very hurt.. they are the only reason why im still alive... because i know for a fact that if i didn't have a family i wouldn't be here today...
but would be nice if something happened to me like an accident that wasn't my thought.
i just feel that im cursed for this life.. and i really hope the end of the year is in 21th dec. 2012.. ive been thinking so much about it that i even have dreams...
well this is my shitty life :)
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Im not going to force my self to find somebody for just not being alone.. if there is somebody in this world for me im sure it will come... but for now i will stay single and try to follow my dreams...
Writing this post really helped me alot thinking things through.
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