I'm not really sure why I'm doing this. I think its mostly because I need to get this off my mind or I feel like I'll go insane. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, I haven't really told anyone that, and the few times I've tried to reach out nobody has ever taken me serious. They all think I'm just making things up or exaggerating my problems. I get told all the time that things will get better, or that everyone has these problems. It has been 13 years and things HAVEN'T got any better. I feel alone all of the time, and in my head I just keep telling myself it'll be okay things have to get better one day right? Things change it just has to get better. I keep hoping and hoping, but nothing is different. I still feel depressed and lonely. I wish it just ended there but it doesn't. I've had OCD for awhile now, but for some reason (probably stress) its kicked in to overdrive, and now the panic attacks along with anxiety I feel like I'm losing it, like I'm actually witnessing myself go insane. I feel like there is nothing I can do about it. I have the worst time making friends because I just don't relate to things the way everyone else can, I can't trust my family for many different reasons which I wont get into because thats a whole book on its own. I've got nobody, but my dog Charlie..yeah thats right I talk to my DOG, I talk out loud to my dog like he is my best friend, because he is. I also talk for him so I can get a response, and I talk out loud to myself. I go to college now, I can barely afford it, and I'm trying to find a job. Of course I'm not having any luck with that though. I look online, newspapers, and I do walk-ins. So far I've got nothing, not one phone call. So I try to call them, and the only thing I get back is "We have you application, and we'll get back to you" oh thats helpful. I also have to get a car, which I know NOTHING about. I couldn't even change a tire if I had to. How in the world am I supposed to know what kind of car to get?! I don't know what to do anymore, I just feel so lost all of the time. The only thing that has been consistant in my life is video games, thats all I do is play hours and hours of video games, I'm addicted. The worst part is here lately I haven't been playing because I usually only play online, but my headphones broke and I'm waiting for my new pair to get here. Thats what I have to look forward to...a headset so I can go back to playing my 360. Seriously I feel so useless and pathetic. I haven't even been consistent in writhing this, I keep changing subjects. But it feels so good just to get this out there. Thanks for reading this if anyone really does. | |
Hey bud, I have a dog too. Her name is Ladybug and she is a St. Bernard. I also talk to her, but she never responds, just a little wag of the tail- In anycase, she's alot smarter than I am, and she loves to take rides in the car. So, you need a car huh? Got any money saved? Because that could mean the difference from having to make monthly payments or buying the car outright.
Cars are everywhere- Craigs list, (who is Craig anyway?) your local papers usually have a laundry list of cars for sale. Auto Trader, ect...
When I bought my first car (16) I gave my dad all the money out my savings account (1986)($500) He came back with a ROBIN'S EGG BLUE- DODGE ARIES K CAR. I was totally bummed. The car had been driven by a little old lady, had low mileage, and was safe. Oh, and the interior of the car matched the exterior- sky blue. In my opinion, you couldn't find an uglier vehicle. So, that was MY 1ST CAR, which I drove into the ground. The next car purchase happened without my father involved. I went to my local CREDIT UNION, and took out a loan. The car was three thousand dollars, a black VW Jetta. Loved that car. In anycase, buying a car is an emotional, big-ticket, purchase. I've worked for a car dealership (VOLVO) and I can tell you, you're better off going to them with cash in hand. It gives you collateral to bargain with- cause there's always the bargaining game(it's such a joke). So, be very careful about the purchase. Whatever you buy, make sure that you know the history of the car- Look for the VIN # on the inside of the door, you can do a CAR FAX report (that way if the car has been in an accident- it will come up). Also, if you have anyone that knows a little something about cars, take them with you- ALWAYS TEST DRIVE a car. Check everything, before you make the purchase. Some people have had decent luck buying cars online- but you could get screwed...( A kid I knew spent $6000.00 on a BMW he found online. The chassy was held together with zip ties. Nice. Couldn't do anything with the car, and ended up scraping it for parts) HE DIDN'T GET IT CHECKED OUT FIRST BEFORE HANDING OVER THE MONEY-
In anycase, there are alot of "bad people" out there ready to scam you out of your hard earned cash, so buyer beware-
BUYING A CAR is your ticket. It will motivate you to take a time out from playing video games, and onto other things. Maybe "social" things?
Car + Job= Money. Car + Money = Freedom, Independence, & Fun!
Don't get down, you've got some good ideas, put them in action, and take Charlie for a RIDE IN THE CAR!
Cursed
I'm a gamer as well, there's nothing wrong with loving video games, at least you have something to look forward to. I remember when there was a point in my life where MW3's release was the most exciting thing i was looking forward to in my life (i had even thought to myself at the time how true and pathetic it was, and laughed at myself), It's all good, If video games is your thing then that's fine, anybody who thinks less of you because of it is a moron anyway.
And hey, don't be afraid to use google to find things out. I don't know how to change a tire myself, I have a car...If i ever need to change a tire and i have nobody I know around me to ask, i will simply google it and find out within minutes... If you find out you need something you don't have, google where or how you can get whatever it is, Google will answer all those types of questions...so don't stress about things like that, If you were in need of assistance and had nobody you know to help, don't be afraid to ask a stranger who looks qualified, especially at places like a gas station (for car problems).
I wish you the best, people in the world do care.
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