I was recently diagnosed with depression. I hate my life, and I hate myself. Everything about my life annoys me. I hate the city I live in, I hate the people I am forced to be with everyday, I hate the scenery of this fucking terrible country. My family is supportive. I don't have many friends, and I cannot make friends. My best friend recently was diagnosed with cancer. I come off as weird because I am so shy, and anxious. I don't know how to communicate well. I am 17 years old and have never had a job. I have had one interview, and I apparently blew it. I dress provocatively. I am often called a slut or whore for it. I cannot leave the house without my hair and makeup done, I am ashamed of my face. It repulses me. I started to take antidepressants and it was working. I was starting to feel better, 'normal' even. I could concentrate for once. I am now fucked up again. My life sucks. I feel guilty for saying that because of people who are in situations much worse than what I am in. But I am honestly so unhappy. I refuse to settle for a boring life, but I fear my life won't go the way I want it to. I don't do well in school, because of my depression. I think I am intelligent, but me thinking that won't get me anywhere. I honestly don't think I'm going to live past 25. I am so throughly unhappy. I just want to experience life the way I see so many other people do. I want a happy relationship, I want to be outgoing, I want a job, I want to live someone I love. I want to love and to be loved, is that so difficult? | |
Don't compare yourself to other peoples situations, this is your life and you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to enjoy it. I let my depression beat me and I started to lose track of everything and let my education slip. Don't set your self life goals, they just seem to complicated and far off and impossible. Set small goals to achieve that eventually will lead you to where you want to be. I have started to feel better by looking at life a lot more simply and giving myself a chance to be happy.
It is easier to notice your down points and your sad feelings because these are easier to reflect on. Try hard and reflect on one good point each day. Even if its as simple as enjoying a simple day to day task.
Give yourself a chance, life is not easy.
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