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random thoughts

Posted by crazy. at April 26, 2010
Tags: Alcohol  2010 April  Attitude

i am an alcoholic. i am also 18 years old. thats right, im addicted to a legal substance that i cannot legally consume. ive been depressed all my life with brief 2 month periods of happiness every few years.. when they end i become suicidal. this time, the suicidal part got real. i tried to die. i then got "satisfied" with life, not happy but not suicidal.. kind of like im just forcing myself to be positive. i think im crazy. i want to kill somebody. i dont care who. i want to be crazy so i have an excuse to hate myself. i dont know why. im not sure whats going on in my head. i would never hurt anybody because i am just. i merely want the insanity that accompanies that. i wish i was a psychopath that didn't feel guilt or remorse. at least i wouldn't want to die. sometimes my thoughts race so much that i get dizzy. i get temporary blindness. why do they even want us to be alive? who cares if somebody kills themselves.. they've found a way to relieve the pain, isn't that what we all deserve?


Similar Entries:
Different Day December 28, 2011
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Thoughts.Become.Things. April 22, 2012
its whatever February 26, 2012

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By anonymous at 26,Apr,10 20:46

Try a religious retreat. Although I am Christian, I attended a two week retreat at a Buddhist monastery. Last year I backpacked to a remote mountaintop location with two weeks of food. This will give you a chance to get some perspective and "recharge" your spiritual energy reserves.

By anonymous at 26,Apr,10 21:12

dude come kill me, please... maybe it will make your life suck less... my life kind of sucks, but mostly its really boring and lonely and seeing that i cant afford any type of schooling and am generally not going anywhere in life AND i cant fucking stand the boredom anymore; i really have no more desire to live. I mean i try to keep occupied, i read way too much, i build stuff blah blah blah nobody fucking cares anyway. please, ill even give you my address and a fucking gun. or the keys to my parents benz, or boat, or airplane, or hummvee, or the other airplane. ANYTHING just fucking kill me please. I cant be a fucking 'servent' to my parents anymore. im fucking 25 and they can care less about my future.

Heres my email if your interested. It can be fun, ill even help you come up with a creative way to do it so you dont get caught!
By anonymous at 28,Apr,10 23:51

why dont u invite him, go out to some bar, get some hit girls
actually just nice girls, nice in the inside and therefore in the outside aswell.

be friends, live ur lifes with more energy, go ahead and laught at ur problems, couse we all have them.

move on

By anonymous at 27,Apr,10 19:05

Grow some balls. Life sucks for everyone. Figure that out you shitty little cunt stained hapless has been

By anonymous at 06,Aug,10 01:26

you meant to say sociopath. you are bi-polar type two or one, i bet. you are most likely type one. go to a shrink and take some lithium. save yourself. you don't know the demons inside you because you are at the early onset. i really think you are bipolar. it souds like it. your mania is less than your depression. don't kill yourself. just hang on and get some meds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By anonymous at 03,May,11 01:38

What you need is to retrain your brain. Your brain is constantly bombarded with self-defeating thoughts against yourself and others. Change the thought pattern but most of all quit any drugs. Drugs mess up your brain chemistry.
There are people in the world with a lot less who are happy and content with what they have. Other people don't really make us happy or unhappy. They're just people.
Decide to be happy and work on it every day. Pray. Seek peace. Don't isolate yourself and focus on learning something challenging. Good luck.

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