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Posted by the truth at November 24, 2011
Tags: 2011 November  Philosophical

I feel so empty and sad inside right now. I feel as if there is no meaning to life and that the whole world is just passing me by as I watch. My classmates oh my class mates I look into their faces as they all work so Hard with so much content like working bees. The majority of them has a great life ahead of them and will probably be very successful people while Iím left in the dust. I feel a sort of pity for myself but have no urge to change anything ideas yes but the willing to do so is forever missing. A pit has been dug into my heart and seems to grow deeper and deeper and with growing depth itís as if my human personality will be enveloped in abyss. I do not deserve a friend or family I donít deserve to smile I donít deserve to breath in fresh air I donít deserve the sun and the sky or the sand and the sea. No I donít deserve any of these things. The only thing I deserve is an ending. My whole life has been a hoax since the moment I came out of my motherís whom. It has been filled with lies and hate and pain and suffering not just for myself but other individuals. Maybe it would be easier if I hadnít been conceived all my being has caused is pain. Yes I am a dope I am a fucking pitiful dope and despite the fact I have strived this far there really is no point I am nearly just another aimless fool with half a mind to spit unwanted words.

I am a clown not a happy clown who feels satisfied with his job I am a clown who puts on smiles and laughter to cover up frowns and pain. I make people smile and laugh while I cry and yell. They watch me juggle bowling pins ant tennis balls while in my head I juggle thoughts of confusion and sadness. I make dog and cat balloons for them while In my mind Iím really making a disguise to cover my true self. While I dance and frolic for the people they watch me and snicker. I watch them as they ride the rides and enjoy the circus and I feel jealously. Oh there perfect fucking lives. They have it all donít they, I am the joke and they are the watchers and the entertained. Why canít I be the watcher for once? Are they the kids who sat across from as I watched them work and I just sat there making faces as my piers giggled? Yes, I am a clown I wear makeup and funny clothing to entertain people but behind all that there is a human being with feelings, me.
Life is like a game Life is a game and not fun one either because the only objective of the game is death. The game consists of many players and obstacles. The obstacles are unfair and pointless I mean really why do all this shit when in the end youíre just going to curl up and die. Contribution to future people is just a mistake as well you might as well give every single penny you got to god damn charity. You see in this game there is only so much time even though there are so many choices you have to rush yourself because truly for fit from the game is not an option because even suicide is always making it to the finish.


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