Mere words cannot adequately express just how much I hate my life. Every night before I go to sleep I pray for a quick, painless and easy death, only to wake up bitter, disappointed and even more-so convinced that there is no god, for if there was a god then he's surely a malicious creature who gets off regularly to the torment and suffering of lesser beings. I'm 24 and haven't had a tax-paying job since I was 20, and all the ways I've made money since then have been illegal, unreliable, degrading and stressful beyond belief. Unemployable and with only a few thousand dollars to my name in assets, I'm on the verge of becoming homeless. On top of it all, I've developed an insatiable appetite for weed, alcohol, online poker and world of warcraft (I have 5 85's, 3 of which have experience with HM FL's).
I don't know which I've spent more money on, but needless to say that if I got the cash value of everything I've spent on these habits then I could probably put a down payment on a house. I live alone, I haven't spoken to anyone outside of ventrilo in months, and the last girl I tried to kiss shrieked away in horror as if I was some hideous creature with hostile intent towards her future firstborn. I don't talk to anyone in my joke of a family and I don't have anyone I could call a friend. I'm empathetic enough to acknowledge that these truths may be bothersome for some, but the older I get the less I seem to care about winning the approval of some lowlife degenerate who's ego is so fragile that they must actively seek approval from others. Truth be told, I don't look forward to committing suicide as I am rather fond of my habits, but at the same time I don't see a feasible alternative if my only other options happen to include homelessness or starvation.
Who knows? I may get lucky or I may not. Bitter, sarcastic, misanthropic, broken, eccentric; the older I get the more I'm convinced that this cruel and godforsaken world was not meant for people like me. | |
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