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untitled story

Posted by detached at March 18, 2010
Tags: Attitude  Independent circumstances  Health  2010 March

here it is..
my life sucks. i live oceans away from my family. i can't go back 'cause there are no jobs. i'm married. i have endometriosis, can't have sex for the last 3 years, can't have kids-trying for years. all my friends are getting pregnant one by one. i hate the only job i was able to find here. i don't have close friends. english is not my first language- causes anxiety trying to understand others talk. i am anxious all the time- will lose sleep over many things. i have a sweating problem- can't socialize with people, can't do much with my hands. my mom thinks i could have done better in life- should have married a rich man and lived in a nice house close to her. constantly trying to please my family. my dad spent thousand and thousand dollars on my education. i havent become much in life, and not making enough money. started smoking again after several months of quitting. there is no one i can talk to about my issues, except my hubby who is also overwhelmed with my problems. i hate my job, i hate my life sometimes. i don't like the way i look. my friends back home brag about their jobs, husbands, etc. i try to keep up, but it is a lie. i don't even know what i want in life. i'm so lost. i try to meet other people's expectations all the time. can't stand up for myself. i want to disappear sometimes. before, i was partlydetached- now i feel like i'm totally gone- detached.


New Comment

By anonymous at 19,Mar,10 20:25

Make a list. On the list write the things that make you happy. Do those things. Avoid being a whiner. Everyone has problems, but you're bitching about smoking again. Who the hell decided to do that? Were you forced? Take action in your own life and quit waiting for someone else to make it better for you. Live for your relationship and ignore your friends / family. They lie and tell you how wonderful they are, they don't tell you the bad shit that happens to you. Live your life, not theirs.

By anonymous at 20,Mar,10 01:11

I really think a good therapist would work for you.
You are not a lost cause. But you really need to uderstand that your life is different from your friends. The other thing that I would like to point out is if these are true friends, they will understand your troubles. May I also say, never, never, attempt to "keep up with the Jones".
I really think you should focus on getting therapy and
saving your marriage. Your spouse may get a little tired of "doom and gloom". I hate my job also, however, I didn't attempt to keep up with the Jones, saved my earnings, and now I can pay my mortgage for two years if I choose, no kids, no car note, and just look for something else if I choose. The bottom line, you can turn this negative situation into a postive.

By anonymous at 20,Mar,10 06:33

I am sorry to hear of your situation. It is hard to be away from family. I agree about finding a good counselor, maybe a good gyno can help with with relief of your endometriosis. Don't try to keep up with your friends and please your family, live life for you on your terms. Look at what is good in your life, honey we all wish we had better jobs, more money, and so on. I think you are doing your best with what you have and that really says alot...

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