My life is so plain. I stopped enjoying life on a regular basis around the age of 17. I'm 25 now and I live with my mom and stepfather. I have no idea what I want to do with myself or my life. I'm about to start a job and go back to school. So that's some hope, but since I left VA and moved to this small town in GA, I feel just so bland and half dead. I don't know anyone here and I'm becoming increasingly socially awkward. I've never had a girlfriend. I'm craving scotch all the time and I have to tell myself not to go to the strip club every weekend. It's getting really sad. I do have a lot going for me, but I just feel pathetic and alone anyways. And like life is just about money. I find no interest in any occupation and I crave the tenderness of a girl and that old feeling I once had of something called "romance". It's all gone and time is spiraling faster and faster. I was just 20 it seems last year. I'll be 30 and alone very soon and I'm worried I'll be an old dad by the time I have my first kid, or that I may never even have kids or a wife. It's despair is what I feel. I don't feel like i'm old. I still feel young, but I know I will be old soon and not have accomplished anything. I feel like I can't act my age, act like a man until there's a girl in my life to be a gentleman for. And I can't have in girl in my life until grown up and become a real man. Gah just fuck this shit, it's so irritating. Like why is so hard to have beautiful girl that's all yours. | |
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