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I ruined my own life.

Posted by ghost at November 3, 2011
Tags: Juvenile problems  2011 November

I am a 17 year old girl. Two years ago I was abused. This took everything away from me. I was also bullied at school, I was told to kill myself by nearly everyone. Last summer I came home and took a whole bottle of ibuprofen as a suicide attempt. It failed miserably. Soon after I began cutting myself. Then I became addicted. I cut deeply, and I have needed stitches on nearly all cuts I do now. I attempted suicide again in January and again in April. No body understands what I am going through. Every second of my life is spent thinking about suicide. I have to wear long sleeves all the time because my I have about 60+ serious scars on each arm. Also I have anorexia, I have gone 21 days on a fast. I pass out a lot when I stand up.
I want to die so much. I dropped out of school because I was too mentally sick to do anything. I can nearly get out of bed, often I that's as far as I get. I lie there and fight the urge to kill myself. My parents hate me and I have no fiends. I was diagnosed with anorexia, borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder and post traumatic stress disorder.
Please let me die. Please I'm tired of this agony and torture.


Votes:


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New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 14,Nov,11 15:11

My God honey, you sound like such a tormented soul. I wish there was something I could do to help you.

I have attempted suicide myself (hanging) was found and resuscitated. I was able to survive to this point, 12 yrs later, and I dont know why, but there must have been some reason. And there is a reason for you. Please hold out hope, I know that is much easier said then done, but it can be done.

I can relate to your last 2 sentences, I have prayed for death many nights myself, just let the agony end. I found volunteer work very rewarding myself, perhaps you should try it, I am sure you love animals, most deep caring and feeling people do. While shallow and unemotional people dont care much about them. Help out with animals and it may make a difference in your own feelings. Good luck.


By anonymous at 11,Dec,11 22:49

I'm glad you wake up every day. Helps give me the strength to do so myself :)


By anonymous at 12,Dec,11 00:15

Please stick around, the world may just turn out to be a beautiful place. I second the caring for animals comment! they are so incredibly healing. Horses literally saved my life. Maybe you can volunteer at a stable nearby? Just being around them is magic. Be at peace


By anonymous at 13,Dec,11 03:24

Sometimes people say unkind words - do not take those words into heart. I am sure your parents and friends / schoolmates do not hate you

You have mental illness (bipolar disorder) which was further aggravated by abuse. When you lie in bed, perhaps you should listen to some music which could be therapeutic. Also, seek medical help and support

It is not true that you do not have any friends - from comments here, you can see that we are "online friends " who care.

I am middle aged, with middle-life crisis. Reading what you are going thru makes me wish i can also do something to help you


By anonymous at 14,Dec,11 05:23

Remember that there are people that care in this world...even if you don't see it. Pray to god. Good luck to you.


By at 14,Dec,11 17:03

You're not alone

*hugs*


By anonymous at 16,Dec,11 01:22

^ and *FRENCH KISSES*


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