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I have attempted suicide myself (hanging) was found and resuscitated. I was able to survive to this point, 12 yrs later, and I dont know why, but there must have been some reason. And there is a reason for you. Please hold out hope, I know that is much easier said then done, but it can be done.
I can relate to your last 2 sentences, I have prayed for death many nights myself, just let the agony end. I found volunteer work very rewarding myself, perhaps you should try it, I am sure you love animals, most deep caring and feeling people do. While shallow and unemotional people dont care much about them. Help out with animals and it may make a difference in your own feelings. Good luck.
You have mental illness (bipolar disorder) which was further aggravated by abuse. When you lie in bed, perhaps you should listen to some music which could be therapeutic. Also, seek medical help and support
It is not true that you do not have any friends - from comments here, you can see that we are "online friends " who care.
I am middle aged, with middle-life crisis. Reading what you are going thru makes me wish i can also do something to help you