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Posted by anonymous at August 13, 2011
Tags: Attitude  2011 August  Family

I'd rather be anyone but myself. I am desperate to be perceived differently, but somehow I'm always labelled as the complete opposite of what I would like to be seen as. I have an addiction to self-harm; the marks where I have carved my skin litter my arms and legs. Its the only way I feel other people can begin to gain an idea of the pain going on psychologically. As you may have guessed I do not form friendships - I cannot trust another human being, which is made worse by the fact that I am excruciatingly lonely, and need other peoples support to survive.
I feel painfully isolated the entire time, whether I'm alone or in a crowded room. I rely on other peoples validation to get me through the day, however I know no one will ever truely love a loser like me who hates herself so much. I feel like I almost have two alternate personalities - one who can get barely by on a day to day basis, and another who is a manic depressive with psychotic thoughts driving the other to the brink of insanity. For example, my father is an abusive alcoholic physically, verbally, sexually. But the rare days I do see him sober, he is a completely different person. One side of me at least tries to see the good in him - the other simply cannot differentiate between his two sides, and often has thoughts of harming him and sometimes worse. When I am not burning inside due to pain and frustration I am numb. I feel nothing. I am a walking empty shell, with no meaning or purpose in life.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 29,Sep,11 18:21

I can't imagine what it is like to be in your position, because I never had an abusive father. I wish I could give you some meaningful advice in that regard, but I can't. However, I think there are places you can call...

What I can do is give you some advice on how to deal with what seams to be the least of your problems- cutting.

I mean I've never done it, but I had some really mentally tough times, enough so to consider suicide. Now this might sound so shallow, that it's even funny in a way, but you know what I think you should do? You should pick up a sport or some kind of active hobby. :D that's right. Maybe it just works for us guys, I don't know, but when I feel really angry or upset, I go running for example. I run as hard as I can for as long as I can, so that's like no more that five minutes :D. After I feel completely drained and the anger or whatever else I felt is gone. Of course I picked up the habit of running and now do it regularly, and I don't ever feel as miserable as I did before. It might not work for you, or you might want to look into all kinds of different activities, but the fact is, there are other ways to let you anger and frustrations out, and instead of being left with scars, get a better body, be healthier, or maybe have a nice drawing or a craft if art would be your cup of tea.

Good luck.


By Sevda at 30,Jun,12 09:09

Bahh a volte non vi capisco qutese a mio parere sono immagini in game precalcolate, e della Wii.Anche perch un fottuto 360 fa decisamente di meglio.finalmente qualcosa di veramente decente a livello tecnico. Mario Galaxy e molto curato come titolo, ma altrettanto poco ricco di particolari e nemici su schermo. ma questo e voluto ovviamente come tutti i mario in 3D.Niente di cui sbalordirsi, e quello che avrebbero dovuto fare dall'inizio.Anche se devo ancora papire come ditte come la Capcom che ha sfornato RE4 su Gamecube, non riesca a proporre un titolo devente a distanza di 3 anni sulla Wii, contando che il Kit di sviluppo sostanzialmente e lo stesso.


By Aizel at 30,Jun,12 11:50

infatti quello ke vovelo dire, io odio gli enigmi ma ad altri possono piacere per il fatto ke non tutti hanno gli stessi gusti, nel 4 e 5 capitolo gli enigmi erano pochi ,per i puristi una bestemmia ma per quelli come me era una cosa ottima, nel uc non ci sono enigmi ma si spara e basta, e la cosa mi ha fatto molto piacere, ma avrei preferito dei remake,se poi fanno gli enigmi ok ma che non siano tanto complicati


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