Well im not sure why the fuck im writing this, but here it goes anyway.
i was brought up being told not what i can achieve, but what will happen with my life if i dont, i was always made clear we were poor and could'nt afford what others can, there's nothing wrong with being told that but it got driven into me so much so that ive become mentally scared of life, i have extreme anxiety, cant talk propely and have been miserable all my life. This has obviously meant very little in terms of friends and no girlfriends.
ive managed to push myself through, im now 21 (22 tomorrow)and lifes been sucking for almost 22 years. It got worse 2 weeks ago, i got fired!!! from my first real job for making a stupid stupid mistake(very schoolboy), was getting paid about £375 a week (before tax), it was a great job and the company was one i could secured my future with.
Anyway, I’m not sat at home on my ass and so depressed that that my hairs falling out, I’m breaking out in acne and I’m getting liver pains (yes all are symptoms of depression)
I come from a poor background, my parents are getting old, they’ve looked after me growing up and they themselves have had a hard life and coming from poverty. It SHOULD NOW be my turn to look after them, so much pressure on my shoulders and ive known it my whole life, i frankly don’t care about my welfare, but i feel like I’ve let my parents down.
The jobs market is so shit, it will be a long time before i find a job that pays anywhere near that and it will almost defiantly be a much harder job. Im just praying for any job right now.
God (i still have faith in you), guide me through these hard times.