I am a 26 year old that had everything I could want and threw it away with one stupid choice. I married the man of my dreams four years ago and we had a great relationship. I had a great career as a nurse in the operating room. We travelled, went out frequently, had disposable income, great sex, etc. I also was active and worked out by running, dancing, doing pilates, and yoga which kept me in great physical shape. I never really had a desire to have children because there were many things that I thought I could do instead. I became a tad bit bored with life as it had become routine, and had been under intense pressure for years by family, friends, and co-workers to have a child. I began to doubt myself and think that maybe I wanted a child and that this final "missing piece" would fill in life completely and it would be a great addition to my family with my husband.
I had the baby and everything came crumbling down. First, when I gave birth to my baby I found out that I have crappy pelvic connective tissue. What does this mean? It means that my uterus, small intestine, and large intestine prolapsed down and tried to fall out of my vagina. It was horrible, my insides felt like they were constantly going to fall out (like beind slowly eviscerated everytime I stood up or did anything but lay down). I constantly felt discomfort and pressure like I was falling apart. Due to this condition I couldn't be active and work-out, poop, have sex without pain, and work as a nurse due to lifting restrictions and standing restrictions. I had to wait five months to have the surgery, and I had it three months ago. I can poop now, but I still feel like my insides want to fall out and I can't be active because of this discomfort. The doctors basically told me I am as fixed as they can get me, and maybe someday the feelings of falling out will go away (depending). How can I spend the rest of my life feeling like my guts are falling out of my vagina?!! Oh yeah, and sex still hurts too. I am also on lifelong restrictions from the surgery and I cannot lift more than 30lbs, run, work in the operating room anymore, and do many of the work outs I used to love. I am out of shape now.
Secondly, turns out I was right when I thought I didn't want to have a child, and the pressure to have one from society in general was a load of crap. I HATE being a mom, it does not fit me. I respect my baby, but don't want to raise him. I cannot stand the boredom. I feel like a caged animal. I want to give my 8 month old up for adoption, but I feel trapped because my family and husband would hate me for this. I want him to have a family that actually wants him. It would be fairer to both of us. My marraige took a major hit because now we don't have the free time and money we did before. We also have huge medical bills from my surgery, physical therapy, therapist, etc related to my recent health problem.
I wish I was dead, but every time I go about attempting suicide my husband stops me. I listen to him because I love and want to be with him too, but I don't think he will accept that things will just never be the same again unfortunately. I cannot believe that I screwed up my great life, beautiful body, and youth to have some child that I don't even want because I was pressured into it. I had no idea that having a baby could be so devastating and horrible. When will this nightmare end?! | |
I could be wrong, but you sound like a shallow and spoiled bitch to me.
Many people don't have the chance to go to college, or get married, or have kids. Many people do not have disposable income or have great sex.
Where exactly was the part that made your life bad? A medical condition? Your own decision to have a child?
I'm sorry for your condition (I have many myself), but I think you should give the child up for adoption because you seem unfit to raise him. From your description, you sound like you only care about yourself and your appearance.
you have to want a baby you cant just think "im so bored oh i know a baby will solve all my problems" and stop trying to commit suicide you stupid bitch theres more to life than having a good body
She said she was PRESSURED from all angles to have children. Now her health is at risk! It's morally wrong to pressure people to have children. Can't your pea-brain comprehend that?
But as a parent your life revolves around your kids, and if it doesnt or isnt going to, then you shouldnt have become a parent to begin with.
You know what the kids whose parents lives dont revolve around them grow up to become?
Criminals
But whats done as done. You cant be all that in love if you aren't happy to have a child that joins you and your so called lover. You have no faith that this kid will be anything, because none of the struggles you face seem to have been worth it in your mind. Its wrong to keep a kid (or have a kid) too keep someone in your life. If you were in love, why is this child more like a hate child? Whats the point in living and good sex if you and your lover will die and have nothing to carry on.... you're not the end all be all of existence, quit acting like it.
You have the opportunity to have the greatest friend and advocate in this child, this person may be the only one who loves you unconditionally. What a gift. To be able to teach and nurture someone to know the things you know. Its an amazing gift. Yeah it tore you up. But keep healthy and you will overcome it.
Enjoy the time you have with your child. Its such a wonderful thing. But if you truly cant handle it or don't have the heart, give the child up now before you break its heart.
So by your thinking everyone who doesnt have kids is living a worthless life???
Yeh thats the answer, everyone that can have kids just have them so we can move to actually having to kill each other for the meager resources the planet produces for our survival.
FYI, that kid you have isnt the end all be all of existence either, it will inevitably die one day as well, as we all will. And one day, this planet will as well. So whats your point?
You shouldnt be having kids by the way.
this is selfish bastards like you that make me afraid of all the women.
I couldn't even imagine to have a slutty bitch like you in my life. poor husband
I most certainly hope that YOU face the same comments and reactions to your own personal conflicts and strife as you've given to others.
Don't get me wrong though, I have no intention of reproducing on purpose and would feel very similarly if my wife got preggers. The good news it's only your problem or 18 years. Although I'm going to guess that by the end of it you'll have a completely different outlook on your life and how things have gone.
I wish you the best even if it always seems to look like the worst :)
You are 26 years old, you are supposed to be capable of making your own decisions. You choose to have a child (nobody forced you), and now you are complaining that you have a child. I don't get it. I mean, we all do things that we wish we hadn't done, but we have to face up to them and take responsibility. Isn't that part of being an adult?
I wanted to specifically mention your baby. I don't have kids but I am living with a man with a young child. I have had a horrible time getting used to the child and have felt tremendous pressure to bond with and even love this child. People can get on their high horse about others not feeling motherly feelings, but until they have experienced that horror of trying and just failing to feel love... they should keep their awful words to themselves.
So my heart aches when I hear about women who aren't able to love their children.
I wanted to say: it is OK to admit you don't love your baby. The circumstances under which he came to the world... it's no wonder, it's like he was the harbinger of trouble.
But don't give up on your partner, your relationship, your life yet. People can come out of the trauma, YOU can eventually begin to love the baby. Get someone to help you get you some counselling with that. Things can get better.
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