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I Can't Remember My Happenss

Posted by anonymous at December 29, 2009
Tags: December 2009  Family  Juvenile problems

My life is complicity worthless...I just turd 16 6days ago and i don't even feel my age. my family act as if I'm not even a live and if i charge to act happy its a lie. when i was small my brother touched me with my second older sister in the same bed sleeping. i didn't even know that was a bad thing what my brother did to me. Until i got older I knew in that moment what he done to me was wrong so I began to get the memories out of my head. I still think about it and when i see my brother i look at him difficultly. Asking myself why did you do this to me? I'll never be the same...never see you the same. Well to make it much more difficult my parents got into really bad fight all the time. until one day it went to far my dad was going to hit my mom.MY mom ran to room locked her self in called the police as my dad began to broke the door open. the cops take him to jail. I was really small like 7 or 8 years old. My dad out out the next day. That day i knew my life would change forever. All the things i went throw i got myself into a depression that no one knew about.You could say i eat my feelings a way. I felt like dieing not wanting to live anymore.The song "Asleep By the the smiths" felt like it was meant for me.I got bigger everyday fatter and fatter.My family began to call me fat ugly, not so pretty."If your were much more skinny you would look MUCH more pretty"and"If you want a boyfriend you should start working out your to fat. no boyfriend wants a fat girlfriend"My own mom said that to me! who would say that to 14 year old???Things your own mother shouldn't say to there 14 year old...Every moment of the day every now i thinking of dieing running away never looking back.I know I'm just a worthless, hopeless, helpless, and unhappy human being that doesn't belong cars a shit about me don't even know if I'm alive...I feel if i drop out of school my own mother will kick me out of the house and never want to see me again. I don't belong anywhere.


New Comment

By anonymous at 29,Dec,09 00:55

I was mollested by my brother (i wrote the previous post) he basically fucked me up the ass everynight for a couple of years till i got my own room and even then hed try to sneak in, but i was a little older.. I didnt know it was bad at the time either, it didnt feel like anything i just layed there. It sucked but what could i do i couldnt tell anyone and like i said i didnt know how bad it was at the time, then when you hit puberty, you begin to realize shit.. i hope you read this. It ate away at me to have to live with the kid and my family and keep that secret. i say fucked up things outload, things i dont even mean as if im possesd or hatemyself so bad, its actually so embarrasing i cant even tell you more than that, cuz i dont wanna. im my late 20s i told my mom what happened. she shrugged and said "oh well! you're brothers a fuckup-he almost didnt graduate highschool." (silence) "thats called incest" (silence) "do you want a hug?" Then the next day she started bitching at me cuz i didnt wanna go shooting with him. And she never stopped inviting him over and would bitch at me if i left the room and even threatened to sue me for slander if i ever wrote a book, to protect him, cuz hes her son and she still loves him HA HA HA. Well great. I did email him once about it after cutting him out of my life, he deneys he fucked me and said it was just a little inapropriate touching. what a fucking lie. And i know he liked it when the babysitter mollested him, he loved that babysitter and would talk about how great it was. Whatever i could go on longer about it, but do what you have to do to get it off your chest its not gonna fuck up you family anymore than it is, trust me, from personal experience, dont let it drive you insane. my father was such a violent alcoholic and my parent fought physically and verbally everydamn day, lots of crazy stuff, my father doing all kinds of ludicrous things, even had a seziure from drinking so much.. so hang in there. hey even skinny girls get out of shape eventually by that time youll be fit. and theyll be shit.

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