I'm 14, and has recently been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, which reveals everything. The good part of it is that I've always wanted to be special, and I am someone special, the psychologist at the hospital told me. However, it came with a price, since it screwed my entire life up.
Okay, what you're about to read may not be depressing as those stories all posted here, but I just wish that someone would listen. And I'm willing to plead for the attention, since I'm an attention lover.
As a young child, dad hit me to discipline me since I was 4. I was bullied constantly at kindergarten, and there was one incident so serious that I was flung out of the moving school bus. Dad and mom never gave a damn about it, and only kept on trying to kick my grandmother, whom I love very much, out of the house. I couldn't get along with my peers, and the flat I grew up in was very violent, full of gangsters and loan sharks. I was always the one that you would expect to get beaten up, and there was no justice for the bullies. I was to blame, for my near lack of social skills. I've never had any friends, and my grip on reality got looser and looser, as the temptation of the realms of my imaginary prompted me to create an imaginary older sister figure, three dolphins and a toy as my only friends.
My so-called best friends always made use of me, like last time when I was caught in the cybercafe after a serious gang fight outside the school. I grew more and more anti-government, and somewhat devoloped a hatred for society and authority, and started openly defying teachers by using racial slurs at teachers, and sparked off a near revolution that nearly had me kicked out of school. The people that made my life a nightmare come true actually never had justice adminstered on them, instead, a few of us idiots took the brunt. However, I am to blame for humilating them with my socially inappropriate behaviour. My family members hate me, and those uncles and aunts would keep comparing me to their sons and daughters and boast and shit around with all sorts of "My son's a lawyer..." or "My daughter's a doctor now!" crap. I mean, what's the big deal?
What's more, I have a crush on a girl in school. I told that to my best friend, and told him to keep it a secret. Instead, he told some other people who really hate me, posted bad stuff about me on his blog, and eventually she found out. What's worse, I try to act funny around her to get her attention, but I feel so awkward around people that I actually screwed her image up. I feel really bad, now that she's avoiding me, and I've planned to apologize to her, but I run away whenever I see her. I don't care about what people think of me, but I do care about what people think of her. Instead of doing the right thing, I hacked into my so-called best friend's Facebook account and spread all sorts of bad things about him. And I actually did turn his life upside down, since all the girls avoid this playboy now, and I have absolutely no regrets as of now. As I type the few last sentences, I've been slapped by my mom on the face, and dad brought up the subject about my condition, saying that I'm not special, and that I'm a freak, and the world would be better off without me. This life, I fear, may not appeal as the definition of "sucks" to you, but it does to me. As of now, I'm crying on my imaginary older sis' shoulder, and ranting about all of it. | |
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