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Trapped. Help.

Posted by anonymous at December 22, 2009
Tags: Anger  December 2009  Family  Loneliness

I am sure my problems are not as bad as the next persons and I say sorry in advance for this self-indulgence. Im not a teenager either - I'm a lonely 30 something. Female. No partner. No kids. Studied a profession at university for 8 years, worked for several years and then got made redundant last year. Since then, to keep my home I have started working for my parents in their family business. I know I am lucky to have what I do, but I am really struggling here. It was my parents who basically pushed me several years ago to buy a house. Now the mortgage is so hard to manage by myself. My family don't understand. They all have money and they have each other. They would consider me a failure if I walked away from it (the mortgage). To cut a long story short, I hold a lot of anger toward my family. Years ago I was raped and I was also molested as a kid and I still harbour this deep resentment at them all for never having to go through what I did. In honesty, they were never there for me when I needed them and it is clear I have grown up as an after-thought. To top it all my mother told the rest of the extended family what had happened to me so it is so awkward and embarassing every Xmas to see your aunts and uncles and to hear that tone of judgement in their voice about my past. Whats worse, my family get angry with me if I ever bring it up and ask why they told everyone. They tell me I should 'get over it'. Am I crazy or is that ridiculous? My brother is the star. He earns lots of money, has a big house, a girlfriend who is nasty to me but the rest of my family don't see it. They wonder why I am always so depressed and negative - well it is hard not to be when shit keeps coming your way. Why don't these people who seem to never cop any crap in their life not understand what it is like to constantly struggle. I just wish some thing in my life could be a little bit easier. I was thinking of getting rid of my house. Quitting my job, and just get the hell away from my family. Move interstate maybe. It would be hard but I am so angry that my life has ended up like this where I am working so hard, with people who don't understand me, for a mortgage that means I have no spare income to be able to buy myself a pizza for crying out loud. Does anyone think I am over-reacting? Can anyone relate to this crap? I am sure there is someone out there who may understand. Thanks in advance for any support.


Similar Entries:
trapped July 16, 2011
I feel trapped! May 14, 2012
life sucks. February 19, 2010
Hopeless February 3, 2010
So Disappointed January 22, 2011

New Comment

By anonymous at 22,Dec,09 14:23

First of all, people always come on here saying "i know my problems are not as bad as others on here." Its almost becoming an official first sentence for every story that i read on here. If you feel like your life sucks, then it sucks! And clearly you are having a really tough time here and i can certainlly understand.

I'm in my twenties, I've never been on a date, never had a guy in my life. I've never even had a Valentine's day event. I've always been alone. I'm still in college but I applaud you for getting our degree and working in the field that you desire.

When it comes to your family, i think they are VERY, VERY insensitive people and even though they may be your famliy, it doesnt mean you have to put up with them. no matter who people are to you, don't let them make you feel like youre nothing, or that youre a failure or that they expect you to do what THEY feel is right or what is considered a true successful person in life. You need to get away from people who make you depressed and make you feel ugly.

If you can't handle the mortgage, perhaps you should just let go of the house and rent a small apartment. alot of burden would probably be lifted off your chest if you do that. If you know you can't handle something so big by yourself, LET IT GO! You probably can't afford to buy a house now, but you probably can later on in life when things are not so tight. Let the house go and find another place to live.

As for being raped, I can't say i know how that feels but i do have some history of bastards touching me from time to time when i was younger. i remember i was very small and naive and i was actually lured inside this man's home and you can pretty much guess what happens after that, but it only lasted about 20 seconds, thank God! when i think about it all the time, it scares me to death that anything could have happened to me there. this man's house was right across from mines and no matter how close my parents were, they would not hear me scream and begging for them if that man had decided to take me in, duck-tape my mouth and have his way with me. it scares me to death! But i do have some idea of how you must feel. I think your mother or your parents, more than anyone should have had your back and given you all the support possible instead of running behind your back and telling your business to the whole famliy.

What i think you should do IS pack up, move somewhere away from these people and just start a new life. put smile on your face so you can lure people. There is nothing you can do about the past and understand that there a millions of rape victims out there who can relate. do not let this idiot rob the rest of your life. you are still young and full of energy.

Also one more thing. Sometimes trying to TELL your famliy how you feel just wont do it, but there is email or writing a letter. I would REALLY do this before you leave. leave a note in their mailbox explaining everything that you just explained to us. To give you a good idea of what i mean, here is something i thought up:

"Mom, Dad and everyone else who may read this, I am tired of the way my life has been for years. Ever since i was raped, i've felt abandoned and i've been extremely bitter. You werent there for me when i needed you all the most. being raped was a terrible experience for me. Instead, you went behind my back and gossiped about my horrible experience to other family members and it has left me in an awkward position everytime i come to famliy gatherings. I see the looks on their faces while they stare and judge me even though i was the victim. Why in the world would you blabber about something like that? why would i want other famliy members to know about my horrible experience? it REALLY hurts me that you did that.

When it comes to my brother, he's more of the brighter star and i'm just a dull star to you guys. he has a girlfriend that is really mean and ugly to me, for reasons i do not know why. I finished college and got my degree, but yet i'm still a failure? I'm a 30 year old woman who's made it on her own ever since, but i'm still a failure? I live in a house all alone with a difficult mortgage to pay all by myself, along with other three-digit bills, but for some reason you guys can't understand WHY i have such a difficult time. Its like you all refuse to understand me.

I'm going to keep my distance for a while and start a new life. I just wanted you to understand how i've been feeling becuase sometimes i feel like its impossible to tell you all in person. People just wont listen to me."

Just a thought :) good luck in life.
By anonymous at 22,Dec,09 15:24

Thank-you :) Really appreciate your words
By anonymous at 22,Dec,09 17:01

you are welcome! :D

By anonymous at 23,Dec,09 01:02

Sometimes taking a vacation from your family is the Right thing to do. I have done that for more than one year, and it has been great (I speak with them occasionally by phone, but thats it). It can help you to grow independent, avoid reinforcing behavior on their part that serves to keep you down, and importantly- has removed my tendency to blame them, since the decisions I make now are my own.

By anonymous at 23,Dec,09 13:42

Everything is utter hell and torture. I'm gonna fucking cry soon.

By anonymous at 23,Dec,09 13:45

Why is suicide the only way to quit this torture and hell? I can't even mention anything about suicide when talking with someone. I hope you know why.
By anonymous at 23,Dec,09 13:50

The reason why, altho it cant be explained clearly, is that it's fucking meaningless to mention it (and ANYTHING 4 that matter), that won't change anything (mentioning it), and because it's extremely scary to mention it (i hope you know why (suicidelife problem is just scary as hell)). I feel like i cant explain anything whatsoever it should be. I can never explain my thoughts. Basicly life/reality is just a zillion times more scary than torture/hell. Cant fucking explain it better than that, in my thoughts i have "something else/more".
By anonymous at 23,Dec,09 13:54

That'd be "suicidelife"
By anonymous at 23,Dec,09 13:55

what the hell.. That'd be "suicidelife"
By anonymous at 23,Dec,09 13:57

okay.. That'd be "suicide(left diamond bracket)-(right diamond bracket)life"

By anonymous at 23,Dec,09 13:51

The only thing I am waiting for is for this hell to ENNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDD

By anonymous at 23,Dec,09 13:52

Someone said humans are the reason the world is screwed up. bullshit. humans aren't the reason life/reality is so crap. humans arent the reason that humans cant take life and commit suiicde.
By anonymous at 23,Dec,09 18:59

Humans ARE what makes the world so screwed up.

We need laws becuase of humans, we need boundaries becuase of human beings.

We need speed limits so idiots wont screw over somoene elses life
We need police officers becuase some idiot is always wanting to do evil and twisted things
we need locks on our doors, windows and houses so robbers wont come in and steal or kill us
When a company can't supports their employees, they lay them off, abandoning them to TRY and find another job and if not, they becoming homeless. there has to be a better system then this.
The people in the justice systems are so screwed up that they let drunk drivers get off easily even though the victim is dead
Humans make nuclear weapons for the sole purpose to either scare or kill
There is war
governments are corrupted and some don't even care about their own people
human beings misuse guns all the time. every now and then someone is found shot in the head
We need prisons and if we don't have them, the world would be in much more chaos then it already is
We need security cameras in general stores and other places just incase something stupid happens.
we need an age limit on drink becuase teenagers are very irresponsible and don't know how to take control.
there's global warming

the list can go on and on. we're tearing up this planet

By anonymous at 23,Dec,09 13:53

Meaningless to even talk about all this shit

By anonymous at 24,Dec,09 09:27

Your family is sooo mean. How can your mum do what she did to you?? To tell your relatives about your past is one thing, not being caring and sensitive to what you went through and asked you to get over it is worst! Just do what you think will make your life better for you...its YOUR life anyway, you don't have to allow yourself to be miserable just because you need to do what your family expects you to do especially when they are so unthoughtful and unkind towards you. Its ok not to have a partner now. You will find someone who loves you one day, you never know.

By Jessy at 17,Feb,10 23:15

I understand how you feel with your family saying those things to you about being molested and how they spread that news like its juicy gossip. I was molested too, and my family treats me the same way. They think I should just "get over it and move on to more positive things"...yet the whole family knows and it is embarrassing and degrading whenever we are together. I always think about it. always.

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