I met this cute girl my freshman year of college. We clicked instantly, in fact, she's the only girl I ever picked out instantly and started talking to, like love at first sight kind of thing. i'm usually very shy and rarely just walk up to a random girl and start talking. we had great chemistry, things started to get physical and that's when I froze up and rejected her, even though i really liked her. i'm still a virgin, because i'm so fearful of being intimate with somebody, even though i long for it so badly. she got the wrong idea because i was being so cold. we still hung out, but i wanted my space. we were great friends. i had this other guy who was in all my classes, and we became really good friends too. these two people met, and after awhile, started a relationship. At the time, I didn't really mind because I valued my solitude too much and wasn't really interested in a relationship, so I let them get together.
I hung out with both of them for the next 3-4 years. At first it didn't bother me at all. Over time though, I realized how much I fucking loved this girl. I haven't gotten any action at all these years, just fantasizing being with her. I tried dating other girls, but would get rejected because i couldn't make a move. So, it's my senior year, I'm depressed and sexually frustrated and they break up, for the third time after 3 years. Every time they would break up, I would feel bad, but get very excited. After hiding my love for her for all these years, I finally decided to tell her. i couldn't keep it in any longer.
So I went over there, had a mental breakdown, my heart was pounding out of my chest, and I just told her. I wasn't expecting her to feel the same way about me though. She said she's felt horrible because she been attracted to me the whole time they were dating. While consoling me, she kissed me. After that, all my bottled up love for her burst, and we started making out. I was such a mess, such an emotional wreck, and I didn't realize what we were doing. She took me in her room and we fooled around. We were so happy about finally telling the truth about how we felt about one another, we forgot all about our other friend and how he would feel. He discovered what we did the next day somehow, and we lied to him, saying nothing happened. She came over again and we started kissing again, and then it all the guilt sank back in. How could I do this to my best friend? We told him the truth and it ripped his heart wide open. I told him I was sorry, that we just got caught up in the moment, and that it was a mistake. I really messed up. I feel absolutely horrible right now. I screwed up the chance to be with her, while screwing my friend over too.
life really sucks. | |
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