So I am aware that my life is not as bad as others Lives I know that . I know so many more people have it worse and they are going through worse situations. I just feel like my life sucks, and I am pretty sure that I can change my life but feel like I can't
I graduated this past june, I wanted to start College as soon as possible but I don't have a way to get there... yes I could take the bus but I don't want to start my school year having to worry about bus schedules getting there late the stress of not having my own transportation.
My brother and sister in law got me a car but its standard (which i do not know how to drive and it only me and my dad at home he doesnt teach me he always says its to hard later im tired.) My dads car gave out a couple months ago which i barely began to learn to drive after bitching at him countless hours to finally to teach me to drive he did. So now he uses my car which is the standard one he never takes me out in. It is my car and when I tell him i can take it out whenever cause it is my CAR he replies thats the only car we have dont mess it up,blah blah blah and gets all upset.
So I have no car and for months he has been saying he is going to fix his car so i can drive that but he has yet to do that. he says he is more than willing to take the bus and let me take the standard car but he has yet to teach me or leave me the car. He even encouraged me to put school off a couple months which I know I feel is a big mistake now.
I Wanted to get a job for years now. i had a saturday job which was with family. He never let me have an outside job because the assistance my family was recieving would go down or be taken away for example medicate or foodstamps. That and he said he would take me and charge me gas money. I had to pay my own cell buy my own clothes and hygiene products and but products for the home liek toilet paper pay my cable box? while my sister her husband and thier kid just bought a few products for the home and did not pay rent!Ugh.
So I have tried looking for a job in walking distance but no one is hiring and i cant aply elsewhere cause I cant get there.I cant apply or go to night school/jobs cause my dad says it to dangerous that I would be stupid if I applied...He gets very angry as well.
My social life is now non existant my junior yr i weighed about 189 and got down to 144 my senior year! I had the most awesome summer and senior year but ive gained a few pounds i just dont feel happy about myself. I hardly go out cause my friends dont have cars and I really dont.
Now after highschool everyone is starting to go places moving college and im stuck at home watching bones and babysitting my nieces a few days out of the week.
My dad comes home and expects dinner, Im so tired of this life im so bored I hate it. I actually dream of being brave enough to have to guts to just take off and live on the streets just so that i could have some sort of adventure!!!! I just wish I had the self esteem to go after things!
I've always been shy, I hate it i get really shy when new people come buy sometimes I dont even want to answer the phone because i am afraid of what people on the other line will think of me. I Hate answering my front door not knowing whos there.I turn so red I have issues. I dont feel like I have any real friendships. I think my mind was sabotaged as child my dad always tell me things like
"there are no such things as friends"
"You'll never know what it is like to own your own house its to hard in this life. As far as im concerned your a piece of shit too."
My mother left me and my older sister and two brothers when I was about three she left and over the years I have seen her maybe five times. A couple months ago my estranged brother who is a druggie whos stolen from my family countless times called and told us my mother passed away. I lived in projects till i was four my dad moved us with this lady whom he was with. She treated me and my sister like crap becuase we were daddys little girls. our so called brother even touched my sister and my dad doesnt know becuase his eye were shielded by this woman he let her treat us like crap because he was happy. He is no longer with her which is good.
I feel like my dad is just holding me back telling me to do this that.He says im tryign to grow up to fast but he doesnt help me grow up.Hes holding me down.
I want to get a job have a car one that works no problems straight out I want to go to college get a good job and get away from thsi toxic family i feel like im in. People think i hang out with friends and have all this fun. I dont im a loser. This past week other then my house ive been the the mcdonlds drive through and to walmart what fun huh!
AARRRGGGHHHH!!!! | |
Eventually you want to be at the point where your foot is off the clutch and you are only controlling the gas. You're moving! Now, when the car starts to rev up (gets loud) you want to take your foot off the gas, quickly push the clutch in, shift, and put your foot back on the gas. Take too long and the car will stall.
The engine will begin to get loud again, rinse and repeat.
If you need to slow down or stop, push the clutch all the way in and apply the brake at the same time. You will then need to figure out which gear you need to be in. Obviously if you've stopped, you need to put the car in first gear. If you've slowed down, it depends on how much you've slowed down.
Grow some courage and try this out...maybe call one of your high school friends to ride along with you. It will be an adventure!
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