I am a 17 year old girl as of last week. Although my life story is short , it took its down fall last year on April 9th to be exact. It started with an ex and my inability to say no. You see I began talking to this boy when I was 13 or so. Not too long ago, but a few mindsets back without a doubt. I was convinced we were meant just as every girl my age felt with the typical bad boy. Problem was he had a child on the way. Not the usual problem of relationships. Having been allowed around during this time I felt a certain responsibility. A need to be apart of both his life and his child's. Was I naive for feeling this way? Yes... I was. I only learned that after it was too late. This guy could convince my ignorant mind and low self esteem to do just about anything. Send half naked pictures, check. Help him cheat on the mother of his child, check. Make me believe he loved me and I loved him, double check. The worst was only to come. After having the mother of his child find the pictures and put them on the Internet for an hour or two and taking him back I should've known where it would go at that moment. The next step of course would to lose my pride and dignity to him of course. Not the way I'd dreamt of it to happen either. I mean being asked and rejecting the idea several times until he took it. If you have not yet figured out what I am talking about, I do indeed mean my virginity. Did I stay with him after? Yes, only until I discovered his secrets. The drugs. The dealing. And most of all, him cheating. Things I should have expected. That moment is where I lost hope of everything I'd wanted to be. Of how I was raised to be. Respect my body, my mind and most of all keep a clean reputation. Nothing mattered. Only a month later I found myself in bed with a boy I couldn't care less about. I haven't spoken to him since. I picked up a new hobby of drinking any liquor placed Infront of me until I can't feel anything along with having a muscle relaxer or three when I just can't take things anymore. I have now slept with 5 guys in the last year. One may even be considered rape seeing to how I was drunk and have very little recollection of it and he was sober enough to know what he was doing. I couldn't do anything even if it was, it was my bosses son and I'd rather not lose the one stable thing in my life. My job. Another guy I'd been talking to for an incredibly long time only to discover I'd fallen in love with the idea of who he could've been, not at all with who he'd become. And last was a guy I'd dated a while back, just because I wanted to. Id chosen to leave the only healthy relationship I've ever had because I couldn't handle losing someone I cared about and now have to face telling him every mistake I've made in the last three months just hoping to have another chance. I have to hide this from my family and friends because I'm too ashamed of everything I've done. They think I've done nothing wrong and it kills me. I've contemplated suicide almost every night for so long because I'm afraid I'll mess up again. And I can't handle it if I do that. I've joked about seeing a therapist several times hoping they'll catch on, but they never do. I just don't know who I am anymore or who I can be. I feel like my future is limited although I know it truly isn't. I'm lost... | |
The good news is that she didn't say anything about getting pregnant or an STD.... If she hasn't she should go and get herself checked out.
Best wishs : Nicolas
what changed me?? i was 'kind of' sober one night and I over heard my so called friends and that guy talking about me. laughing. saying horrible things and talking about that one night - how it was all planned.
I stopped everything i was doing right there. I said NO. Im not doing this. Im better than this. im going to have a better life and be a better than those people. what helped me is telling my family what happened. me being open and honest helped me heal and over come it. since that day, i went into nursing school, meet my husband. Im 32 now and Im still with my husband and we have 4 kids.
What gets me through each day - is knowing no matter what happens - what ever it is..good or bad.....the sun will always rise tomorrow. Stay strong, talk to your family, stop the bad habits and start living the life that you deserve. Its not your fault. STOP thinking about everyone else and start thinking about YOU because at the end of the day, its the only thing that matters.
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