LIFE SUCKS : Alcohol

Life does suck, what's the point of it all??

Before I start my sorry, let me tell you my English kinda sucks as it's not my native language.. Anyway that's not even the biggest issue. The real issue is the fact I have become the shawdow of the person I used to be.
I used to be a well liked guy, I was perceived as funny and cool to be with, rather not bad looking. Self confidence has always been a problem for me but it didn't show so I used to be able to could get away with it.

Then things started to change in 2005 when a physical (medical but not too serious) problem started to arise. Basically I started to sweat more than usual. I used all sort of over the counter medication but it always kinda failed.. Now it's alright I have sort of managed to control the issue but the psychological done is almost irreversible. I started to withdraw myself, called sick at work all the time because I couldn't face being around people, turned down friends invitations... Five years down the line, I am lonely, I feel trapped, too old to start a new career, and I feel like I can't do the job I was trained to do because how could I help people when I can't help myself!!!???

So basically I am almost 33 years old , I am broke because I have left my previous job, I can't face meeting new people and I feel I have developped a drink problem. Last Friday I drank so much and freaked out, I kinda wanna to kill myself. I called the equivalent of 991 to get advice coz I didn't know who to talk to. I didn't even give my name but within 5 minutes two ambulance crew and two cops turned at my door. It made things a lot worse.. They frog marched me to an ambulance.. How f** embarassing is that??

Anyway my life sucks and I am thinking about jumping off a bridge sometimes soon if things do not get better.

Fuck this

Born with thc and meth in my system. Went home with alcoholic drug addicted parents. Was molested as a baby by dads meth head friend. Then molested repeatedly by many different men for drugs for the adults. Always on foodstamps, ssi and always lived in eighther section 8 housing or trailor park or homeless. At age 6 raped and couldn't speak for a year. My dad got black out drunk almost every night and beat my mom and me. Started using cocaine at 9 on an off. At 13 gang raped by 6 Latin kings and one of them raped me in the ass too. At 14 I was smoking crack everyday and I began to sell myself for more drugs and money. I was raped again by my band teacher, then again by a man named marcus who used to stalk me, he came in my window when I was sleeping, then again by a sex offender at age 17 multiple times while I was passed out. He got me pregnant and I got am abortion. All the while I was in and out of juve 4 times, and psychiatric hospitals,11 times. I finally got off all the hard drugs I was on after I had an abortion. I am now 18 and I'm in a relationship with a 15 year old, I am 4 months pregnant by him and I still smoke way too much weed, I quit school 3 years ago. I have no friends and no family that is sober. My boyfriends not old enough to get a job and he's not mature enough to be a father and I get a disability check for my social anxiety disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, mood related psychoses, and I can't work. I have soany symptoms of so many psychological disorders that I feel like I have them all. I often have visual and auditory hallucinations of demons talking to me and whispering. My mood swings are intense and out of control. I have panic attacks, and flashbacks, bulimia, I cut myself, dissociation, black outs, and personality changes. There is so much more detail and horrible events that I left out that I could write a fucking book.

PIECE OF SHIT

My whole life is a constant shit storm ever since i could remember. I grew up while my parents were all alcoholics dad was a drug user and a cheating SOB my mother had a short temper goes well wit the alcohol. I d been beatin and whipped for things that i had been small harmless inncidents. I grew up in rough neighborhoods even been mildly molested by a boy that was a sick pervert and i never knew it was wrong becus i was too young and too stupid. My parents were as ways being caught by Police for dui. I stayed wit my little sister at my grandmothers house until my parents get out of jail then they make more kids (my youngrr sibbs) to share the wonderful experience im goin through i caught my dad cheating wit another woman in bed at age 7. He would get drunk as usual and tell me he was gonna kill himself that noone appreciates him. Dad always beating mom. My aunts and uncles dont care but us but themselves. As i got older in my teens dad and mom were still drinkin and mom thot i stole mom from her so she came at me wit a knife i had no choice but act in self defense so i struct my own mother to get away from her. I usaully stayed a frens to forget what is goin on back home and leaving my younger sibbs wit them. I vowed id never be like my parents especially my father. My parents kept talkin about me when im in close proximity where they knew i could hear them theyd say imma a piece of shit, worthless piece of shit, piece of chicken shit and fuckin little fucker. Then an...

Life is Shitt. PERIOD

What can I say? I dont ever feel happiness. I used to be real happy. It was all cause i liked this girl but she hates me, broke my heart, doesnt care. I have no friends, Im an alcoholic, Im a 25 year old man who lives in a 1 bd apartment on a disabiltiy cheque cause i have some bullshit disease a shrink pulled out of theyre ass (TOO MUCH DOPE IN HIGH SCHOOL) I fight every day to be happy, been through more hell than I can explain and I get nowhere. People got all the answers and criticism for me, Im happiest when im alone cause i dont gotta hear anyones shit, and by happy i mean numb sitting here dreaming of shit thats all empty and crap. Im planning to go to school in January, Mainly cause i gotta do something other than sit on my ass, I aint excited and ill more than likely just end up with a debt and some degree that gets me nowhere! I never have sex, I get treated like shit no matter what I do, people are shallow, its all about how you look and talk that causes people to treat you the way they do, every job Ive worked since I was 16 has been shit, my family is always down on me, my greatest joy is eating crap from the supermarket, a deli sandwich or piece of chicken, I suffer, I suffer more and all I get for it is people tellin me to buck up and get over it, people who have good lives nd dont understand shit, I think the happiest Ive ever been was doing drugs at a young age, beer and dope in high school bout as good as its been so far, what else can I bitch about? Ive been in psych wards, Ive been depressed, I fight with my family, im poor, I aint a badass who rides a harley davidson so girls dont like me, Im just some stupid guy kicking around. Even if i meet some girl I fall in love with which is what usually makes people believers, completes theyre lives and makes them truly happy, it probably wont work out for some reason and ill just be miserable my whole life. lots of poeple are unhappy until they die, it is true. LIFE SUCKS.

I don't know what I'am waiting for to jump of the roof

I am 16 years old and my life sucks! My father is an alcoholic and he cheats on my mother every time and she doesn't want to talk to me cause i told her the truth she says that I am liying to her . I don't feel loved or appreciated no matter what! I have never been happy in my life i have no true friends they are all hypocrits and the few boyfriends i had were only basterd who wanted me for sex!
i have a big sis who doesn't care about she barely speaks to me just for passing her salt!! I don't want to feel alone anymore last year i gathered enough money to see a spycologist but it didn't help I really feel bad and useless all the time I wanna do something great with my life I wanna do something useful but I am only a screwed teenager in her hormonal period!! what is life so whorthy to live for?? you tell me!!

f.a.b.

Well I was born to alcoholics. My mother 'raised' me by pushing me off on my brothers and sisters. Growing up I had no clue about things normal kids learn growing up with caring parents. I got pregnant at 16, had a baby at 17. The father didn’t want anything to do with him. I had hope then finished High School worked crappy jobs to keep my child in clothes and food. My favorite brother died in a house fire. Was so depressed I guess I didn't notice some red flags on the next guy i dated. He had a good job, spent time with his son, yet wouldn't introduce me to his friends. We hooked up, my mother died, he moved in. Then he'd disappear for days at a time come home broke. I was so naive I didn't realize what was going on. We had 3 kids with in 4 years. Crack took over all his time and money. I was left to raise 4 children on my own. Worked full time at a job I hated. I couldn't take it anymore so I quit and went back to school. Going to school while raising children is no picnic. Especially while working part time to keep bills paid. A year and a half in my sister commits suicide. This made me more depressed then normal. Just over a year later my brother committed suicide. I flunk that semester of school and know that my chance at an education is at an end. This basically signs my life away to live in poverty. My nephew died this last spring. I'm wondering how I'm to spend another day on this earth. I’m having major health issues. It just keeps getting better today my son was let go from his job so any help with bills I was getting is gone. I'm going to lose my house, my kids and I don’t think I’ll live to see 2011.

Whatever Can Go wrong will...

Where to start.... hmmm I am a 16 year old girl... when i was much younger me and my brother were taken from my mom by my real dad and were abused badly by him. He was an alcoholic... In fact everytime he drank things got worse... During this time my mom and dad(step) were trying to find us... Thank god they got us back or we would have been dead... around 2 years ago when I was in 8th grade My grandpa came to live with us... He was abusive verbally, Mentally, and emotionally... He loved to play mindgames...Me and my mom were the ones he went after the most and we stood up to him the most and finally he left... After he left he started saying really bad crap about our family because he was disturbed... Not so bad right?? During this time I was dealing with alot... A really good family friend had just freakin died... ( my first funeral was 4th grade)... Fast forward to this year... During spring break I met the most amazing guy ever!The day after I met this guy I fiund out a friend that i have known for 8 years (since 2nd grade) Commited suicide...I still miss him terribly... Oh and the guy had a girlfriend and lied to me about it... And I lost my bff of 4 years because of her bros psycho gf...

venting

Depressed and on probation for a DUI... I've always had a pretty addictive personality, and it bit me in the ass on Oct 2nd, 2009. i had a decent job doing roofing labor, a great girlfriend and all the social structure i could ever need. i turned 21 in April 09 and started hitting the bar pretty frequently. Always had such a great time at this little neighborhood bar playing pool, shooting darts, singing karaoke and of course drinking. Waited a little too long to flip my lights on one night and got popped. couple days later i said something to my boss about it, and he fired me! I couldn't handle the frustrations of probation and being unemployed. Depression set in and my girl couldn't handle that. I was a real wreck for a while after that. The only thing that really kept me sane was meeting with the counselor the court sent me to. Now I'm about half way through my 9 months of probation, and have only paid off $250 of my $2700 total of fines. I've put in over 30 paper applications, and countless apps online. I've managed to get 2 part-time jobs, but they are extremely part time. Like i can probably only count on about $300 a month. I moved back in with my alcoholic of a father and sold off pretty much everything i had of value except this computer. but i still can't afford to get my license back. I walk about 6 miles just about everyday to beg around town for some work. well, I'm done venting. i can't afford anymore counseling, so hopefully this might make me feel a lil better.

could it get much worse - part 1

So even as a kid i remember my Mum dragging me to school, me hating it i was an anxious child and i would hide myself in the toilets run away from school, anything just to get away from this situation that i hated. In the end i ended up loving primary school I excelled in heaps of things, i was in the paper a lot i *used to* love being photographed and being the centre of attention. A catholic school was the first high school that i went to but there were these twins who hated me and just loved to bully me, my parents moved me to a public school when they took it too far and knocked me unconcious against the bike stands. I got along with everyone there really. I was in year 9 and was at gcse level i like really excelled despite the whole add thing. Then my Dad got a job in France and the next thing i knew i was sitting in class in a private french school. I didnt know how to speak french. I hated that skool the kids took the piss out of me again i was pushed around and stuff things just got too much and the thought of going back to school was so terrifying i took an overdose and landed myself in hospital. I had kidney failure. I was on dialysis and tbh everyone had been warned i could die cuz i was just so ill from the od. After 2 months i was out of hospital, but not with much counselling cuz i didnt understand much french so it was hard for me to understand and express myself. The majority of girls i associated with in hospital had eating disorders (ed's) and i didnt th...

random thoughts

i am an alcoholic. i am also 18 years old. thats right, im addicted to a legal substance that i cannot legally consume. ive been depressed all my life with brief 2 month periods of happiness every few years.. when they end i become suicidal. this time, the suicidal part got real. i tried to die. i then got "satisfied" with life, not happy but not suicidal.. kind of like im just forcing myself to be positive. i think im crazy. i want to kill somebody. i dont care who. i want to be crazy so i have an excuse to hate myself. i dont know why. im not sure whats going on in my head. i would never hurt anybody because i am just. i merely want the insanity that accompanies that. i wish i was a psychopath that didn't feel guilt or remorse. at least i wouldn't want to die. sometimes my thoughts race so much that i get dizzy. i get temporary blindness. why do they even want us to be alive? who cares if somebody kills themselves.. they've found a way to relieve the pain, isn't that what we all deserve?

Life bites

My dad was an alcoholic who beat me amd my mother. They divorced after 13 years of marriage and my dad had his girlfriends here and there but remarried when I was 15..They got married on my birthday...My step mom kicked me out when I was 16..I got pregnant with my first daughter and while I was 5 months pregnant her father comitted suicide...then after I gave birth to her my dad and his wife took her away from me and raised her as their own...She didnt find out the truth about me until she was 11.. She is 18 now and has no desire to want to know me or see me....I didnt talk to my dad for 15 years. Then I found out through the internet that he was in prison...I went to go see him and found out that he was in prison for trying to kill his wife. My husband and I got him out with my aunts help and he lived with us for over a year while he was going through his divorce and his trial for attempted murder...He became real stupid and accusing my husband and I of stupid crap and my middle daughter..he called me cuss words infront of my son and told my husband that I wasn't his daughter...I no longer talk to him and Im not close to my mother...I have family that lives less then 2 blocks from me and NEVER comes to see me..my mother has only seen my other 2 children maybe 2 or 3 times in their life...I have a dead in job thats going no where...Disrepectful children who refuse to mind and always fight with each other...My husband cares more about his job than he does our marriage...I battle with depression and I have even attempted suicide....my sister is a prostitute who is heavily into drugs and my brother lives in another state and I have not talked to him since I was 15....This life sucks !!!!!!

yup.

did some stupid shit when i was drunk.. the authorities thought i was attempting suicide/ was troubled. while under sedatives in the hospital i told the girl i liked and had been hanging out with that she makes me sad.. which didnt convey the right message i supoose i was trying to send. so authorities forced us to cut off communication and now i have to go to a psychologist every week.. all cause i got drunk.

my life sucks

ever since I was little my dad has been a alacholic and my mom oh well she's just a bitch. my dad was arrested for assult. he is back home now and all he does is drink and hit me and my brother. mr and my brother try and stand up to him but he's huge and can knock us out..which he does. my dad hits me and my
mom tells me to suck it up. on christmas he drunk drove almost killed my family then when we got home he flipped my kitchen table on me and broke my hand. I called the police and they let him go. he still hits me everynight. my friends are scared to come to my house, I can't take the pain so I cut. it makes me feel better. it let's me know that other people are hurting. my mom calls me fat when I'm really not . I'm a 0 but that doesn't stop her so I was so influenced I started to become bulemic. I never ate anything over 100 calories. I can't take it anymore so I leave at night and sleep in the park in my ghetto. its not good at all. I can't take my life anymore