LIFE SUCKS : 2011 September

Why so green and lonely?

Life isn't that bad, but deep down I loath myself. I'm a coward and I hate myself for it. Just to give an example today I started a new job and felt like it was the first day of school. I didn't talk to anyone. And during break we're allowed to eat outside. I just stood in the corner of a fence and minded my own business until it was time to go back in. Then a girl walks up to me and says that I look lonely and asked if I would like to sit at the table she was at (with her and her friends I imagine). Instead I just say no thanks. She asks if I'm sure, I say yes and she walks away. Since then I've felt nothing but gult and disgust with myself. Even in my twenties I still act like a child. I don't like making eye contact, or talking with people. I go out of my way to make sure I don't conect with anyone. I want to be ignored and yet I still feel lonely. I've seen a therapist before and nothing has changed. Well whatever. I'm ending it here.

Motherfuck

I wake up everyday just wanting to put a fucking bullet in my head, I work two jobs about oh you know 60 to fucking 80 hours a week! I haven't had a day off in three months I do this to take care of my kid and wife who do nothing but nag the few times I am home. Even worse yet we had to move back in with my mother for financial reasons and she Is a fucking psycho bitch that's thinks she is my sons mother or something of the work. Can I please just have a fucking stroke and die already?

fucked from the start

so my father dies when im only 10 months old. my mother decides she wants to move to the united states. we do on a 3 month visa. i was only 1 year old at the time. we go to newyork. my mother is barely 21 and decides she'd rather enjoy her 20's than stick by her son and be a good mother. im left to be raised by my grandmother and whatever babysitter they can afford to put the burden of my life upon. fast forward 15 years and we live in georgia now. mother is now an overprotective jesus freak. i cant get a job because my visa ran out 14 years ago and am considered "ineligible to work in the united states". That means no drivers license either. Stranded at home and BEGGING for rides from friends when they can spare one at their goddamn convinience. im a very independant person and having to rely on others causes me alot of frustration, stress, and anxiety. i turn 16, puberty hits and my face breaks out like a ticking time bomb. mom had the same in her teens, so geneticaly im fucked. puberty+stress+shitty genes+being to fucking poor to see a doctor+mother not caring enough to provide as much as a little knowledge or support+poor mans diet=total face fuck. i mean these werent just pimples, but deep rooted, puss filled balls from fucking hell. even without picking at them they managed to fuck me up completely. im 20 now and have horrble scars all over my face. i cant even go outside without people GAWKING at me. peoples faces are what greets the world, its what people remembe...

Clash between love and family

Am 21 yrs old.. with a great job, wealthy family and awesome friends. you could wonder what could be son wrong with me. am from an orthodox indian family, where love is coonsidered to be an act of crime. i love someone of a different caste, 3 months younger, who has no job, whose family is in debt.. yet our relationship is strong.. its 9 yrs old! at no cost i can leave him.. my father is a strict disciplinarian. he will accuse my mom for watever i hav done.. my dad has started my marriage plans.. am yet to disclose my issue.. waiting for him to get a job.. i will never move out of my family.. the yr my boy friend finished his graduation, his college got shut down.. when he started searching for a job by paying money, that guy cheated on him.. and now when he got a job, they took away the offer saying it is a recession situation.. sometimes i feel like killing myself.. bcs that's the only thing i can do without hurting anyone around me.. bcs i love my mom very much... i cant bear to see my dad's head down bcs of me..

Life is shit

I honestly think god gets his entertainment out of my mystery.. Though I'm not to old, I'm 17, almost 18. Most of you would say I haven't lived long enough to understand depression or what life still has to offer for me. I've spent the last 14 years of my life in depression. I have abusive parents that i can't call cps on, because they side up with my step father ( who by the way get his entertainment from my misery, too ) because of his job. I have no real family. I was ran out of school because of the nasty people, students and teachers, who made every day a living hell. My best friend was slaughtered by a drunk driver on my last birthday. I got every day with at least one person telling me i'm worthless. I've applied everywhere and can't seem to get a job.. though i've just recently gone bankrupt and no one will let me borrow enough gas money to actually look for a job. And this last episode was i finally met someone who made me feel like i was worth something, we were in a happy relationship and as soon as an accidental pregnancy came up, he left me. I was on my own, no support from family, no friends, no one. I later on had a miscarriage but he's blocked my number and any other way of contacting him. I've tried committing suicide 9 times now, i've spent nights in a mental hospital. Even the people in the psycho ward were nasty to me. Anyways, aside from my depression, Everynight; Since i was age 3 i would pray to god. Always praying for my life to get better, even th...

my birtthday just passed

never been kissed never held hands never had sex a complete virgin at 25 no friends only one person i talk to, no job, 40k of debt. very lost

I'm so lost!!!!

I was so alone all my life. I'm attractive, fun and smart but always felt 'out of phase' with everyone. Never a real relationship. Then at 30 I met a beautiful sweet girl and fell in love. I loved her so much I cried for a year just to look into her eyes. We were married and had a beautiful home for years. But something happened after 10 years. The world got between us and I was too complacant to see it and stop it. She left me about 6 months ago. I adore her so much! She won't reconcile. She believes she can do better and she is probably right because she is a wonderful woman. I just fucked up!!!! I've been super depressed, sleeping all the time and incredibly suicidal. I dream about her every night and think of her every minute of the day. She lives just a few blocks away and I try to avoid the nieghborhood because it is too painful. I am so alone. I can't even bring myself to attempt dating because I am a wreck and could start crying instantly. I'm crying now. She was my once in a lifetime love and I hate myself for losing her. I don't know how I'm still alive and can't see myself surviving the year. If she ever finds someone and I see them together I will surely have a heart attack and die. At least that saves me the indignity of suicide. My poor tender heart...

WTF

Everyone has a shitty storey, or life to tell about.. Try being married too the same rotten cunt of a woman for thirteen years, and having 4 children 3 of wich are nothing but useless, drug addict, thiefs, liers, drunks, junkies, user, lazy peices of shit. I am so serious...They never got it from me cause i dont drink, or do any drugs, and always tried the best to steer them from it. These kids are hopeless!! And it wasn't my fault except the fact that I let the wife where the pants in the house and the kids never got diciplined. Maybe if they had gotten some ass woopens wen they deserved them, then they'd be different. But no Daddy is always the bad guy that wants everyone to work together as a team to keep the house picked up. While mommy sits on facebook all day and does nothing but blame everything on me.. This is no fucking joke!! If the kids do shit that pisses her off she will start a fight with me, instead of taking care of it, or speaking to the kids.. And wen I say kids, I mean they are 15, 18, and 20, years old.. Now arent they old enough to wipe up there own oodles of noodles???? They are nasty dirty pigs. they will let the house fall down around them. irrisponsible, immiture, little pukes.. put there cigs out on the table, floor, or window sill, instead of useing an ashtray.. But god forbid I speak up and say anything, cause if I do all holy war breaks out they go crying to mama and say I'm in a bad mood and make me out to be the ass, and start us fighting.. I really wish they would move the fuck out.. Or I wish I had never even met my wife. It has been nothing but a living hell since we've been together.. I have no idea why I stay, or how I can still love her.. And wat i'v just said so far doesn't even start to break the ice.!!!! So yeh,, MY LIFE SUCKS TOO!!!!

Absolutely NO GOOD Fortune

I did and still do everything the right way. I have 2 kids of my own and another that I claim as mine thru a relationship. I can't get hired anywhere to save my life because I my girlfriend is in school and works but we can't find a babysitter to save our lives. I lost my home to forclosure, had to sell my car, studio equipment, and anything else I could just to get by for my children. Money is pretty much my problem, if I had that I wouldnt have ANY at all. Shit like this shows me there is no such thing as god cuz im sure If i go out and do something stupid and dangerous then shit will happen but for my kids sake I won't do that

Teacher once, never again

All my life I wanted to be a teacher.


When my first year came it was pretty hard as I was left responsible for two classes as the other teacher resigned. I didnt leave the best impressions.


Then I started looking for another private school and got accepted to 10 (one of which was perfect).

But I was convinced by a group of my friends that I should definetely wait for the government to hire me and not the private school, that there was a huge chance.


So I denied all these schools


Now I am without a job, a lot of debt, Greece is through a crisis and of course doesnt employ any more teachers. As for the private schools, the compertiition is gonna be fierce next year with all these unemployed teachers.


So now I am looking at a life where I will not be a teacher, even though all my life was programmed with that in mind...
And all because of a night with friends.


I really want to kill myself and my relationship is suffering, as well as my friendships and kin.


Tonight I am thinking of ending my life once and for all


I am jobless and really want to commit suicide,

The fucking joke is on me.

Did you ever look down upon one of those people who blame one or both of their parents for their problems? Well...I take full responsibility for my life: I have free will..I made the choices...but still, I wish I did not have memories etched into my mind of my father's dick. No man should have childhood memories like that. See, my father is a gay, narcissistic, exhibitionist. He uses that bullshit about "how great the male human body can look" to justify the fact that he never liked to wear clothes..which is fine..but WTF did he have kids for? Anyways..whatever..it is difficult to kind of love someone who makes you sick to your fucking stomach. So he and my older brother..who still smoke pot to this day...brought it into the house when I was 8. I was smoking it by 10. I have struggled my entire life with drug use. I have had only a few girlfriends...the last one was something like 12 years ago. After you are alone for so long..u just kind of give up. I became a fat crackhead..just eating food and smoking crack and hoping it would kill me. I never much wanted to live in the first place...pretty much the first time I had a girlfriend and lost her I was done. I was like.."WTF?? People go through this more than once?" I just don't get it. It is not for lack of trying. I trained so hard...I have been in incredible shape in the past..have had lots of good jobs..have two college degrees..it took me a long, long time to really give up. I just could not seem to keep working that ...

Lost it all!

I am a lonley boy who lives wit his mom because my fiancé left me. I had a job that layer me off because she kicked me out of our apparent so I had to leave. I'm nikcle nd dime as much as I can. Mom is sick nd she is always stressed. I want to help and get my stuff together. It's just me nd her my dad died when I was 16 so we dont have him no more. We have no car because I had to sell just to pay for my way to get to my moms and get her rent payed. Killer sucks and I just want to die

this shit sucks

my life sucks ive been in a relationship for 12 year i have a wonderful daughter. But for some reason nothing ever seems to line up. we finally get an apartment together my mom ask if my sister can stay with me for a while okay no problem. not realizing how disrespectful she was. Then my moms moves in say its only for 3 months til she gets things together its now going on a year with 7 people in nyc apartment so u can imagine. my husband and I are on the rocks cause my brothers and sisters are so disrespectful. my mom had a heart attack two weeks ago and my sisters ran away 2 days ago now everything is on my head. everyone asking so what are u going to due thought to myself slice my wrist.

My life SUCKS !

So well let me start at the fact that all through elementary and high school i had a real difficult time with friends. I then went onto college where i was having a great time .. Then in my 2nd year of the 3 year program i found out i was pregnant. The father of the baby and i had come to the agreement to keep the baby (and he is now the love of my life i do not know what i would do without him) my parents were very upset with me and didnt want me to. I thought the father of the child really did love and care about me he really seemed to. Now he lives in an area that is not the best .. and we have been there for sometime now but i have refused to be there because im nervous in the area. And you would think someone would make the move out of the area to help the situation but instead he doesnt care. He says we will move in a year. But also says now if i had stayed there with him we would have moved by now. He never tells me anything i have to assume everything and try to make everyone happy .. I am so hurt .. things are just so out of hand we scream and fight so much about moving .. he doesnt care at all .. im so alone im so in pain .. i am not loved by any means .. he feels i have done nothing ... and i feel i do alot and as much as i can do .. he lost is and punch the car windshield smashed it .. with our 10 month old on his lap .. i want things to get better .. i want that feeling of being loved and cared for i want to be someones everything i want someone to want to do for me just cause they love and trust me .. and i do not see that in this relationship its completely unfair .. i really would love to die or be murdered to say the least.

xox

And life keeps rolling down the river...

Sometimes in my life, i do feel alone in the universe
And then sometimes i feel completely at one with the universe
And i feel completely at one with myself
But you see,....its other people who get in the way of my progress
other people who say its not good to be alone
Its not good to exist
But those are not the people i need to spend time with you see,
I need to spend time with people who care

People who care,
And if you have no people who care, then still know that you are not alone
Because everything is alive, connect up to the energy of love
And then you will know what love is
And when you know what love is
Then you can create love in your life,- real human love, care, affection
Whatever your heart desires

I dont believe we are meant to suffer so much,
Life can be so happy
And the more happier we all become
The more happier our planet will become
Until one day, no one will ever need to feel alone again
And no one will have to suffer again
Because god looks after those who believe

Do you believe?....Do you want love, or do you want war?
Do you want peace or would you prefer people to continue to suffer?
It is coming to the time when all will be revealed
Which path are you going down at the moment?...
The good path or the bad path?....the light or the dark path?
Return to your heart of hearts, return to the light
For here you will be healed, and the answer will be revealed

I Found Her.

I'm a lesbian teenager living in Texas, and I had a steady girlfriend for a year and a half.
I was bullied constantly at school for being gay, or being "emo", and basically just for being different.
I began cutting myself at age 10, and contemplating suicide by 12.
My girlfriend had a lot of the same issues as I did.
We would always randomly surprise each other by just showing up at their house, and on this Monday night last July, nothing was different. I knew she was home, I knocked on the door and her step-mom answered. She told me my girlfriend was in her room, so I headed back there and opened the door.
At first I thought she was standing in the closet. Then I noticed the blood on the wall and the shoelace tied around her neck.

Marriage stinks

My life was pretty normal till middle school. I come from a family of achievers and there was a lot of pressure on me during high school. I had a lot of trouble coping with it. This is the stage where I believe I got depressed. I got into a great college and started studying engineering. I had developed a deep resentment towards my parents for pushing me so hard. I always valued my freedom and felt it got lost in the rat race. I couldn't cope with the place and course and left. I got some medical help and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Doctors told me I would be on the pills for life. I scrapped through some stupid college and got a degree in commerce. The damn pills were making me depressed and I felt that my concentration and learning abilities were severely compromised. I got the worst grades I have had during these 3 years. By this time my family had moved away and was living alone. Just when all seemed lost I met the girl of my dreams. She was a clinical hypnotherapist and spiritual healer. My mother had taken the appointment. She helped me a lot in dealing with everything. I somehow remembered what it was like to be me. Against all medical opinion she even convinced me to leave the medication. Its been seven years since I have taken any psychiatric medicines. My parents in the meanwhile kept pressurizing me to take the damn drugs. My career also started making good progress. I fell in love with this doctor and we started having an affair. She is 12 years older to...

Why

I have never really seemed to fit in anywhere throughout my short 18 years of life. Im not a nerd, or a jock, a musically gifted, or vocally talented artist. Im just average at best. I have no idea who i am anymore. I change myself everyday just to try this new "me". Heck, I changed Halo emblems to be like other pro's. Im a nice guy but girls treat me like trash and if i do find a good, nice girl, I screw it up. My life is always flipping me upside down once i figure it out. I cant ever sleep. Im Nostalgic. I wish i could just go back when playing trains and trucks was all. I didnt have this stupid high school stuff, flakey girl who dont want anything to do with me turn to wanting to be my homecoming date. I have everthing but nothing. I drive a nice car, look halfway decent, good physical shape, funny, outgoing, but its like im a zombie and people just want to stay away. I get picked on evryday at work. I just hate every aspect of my life. Im not happy. Im just so used to faking it everyone thinks I am. I cant kill myself because then i wouldnt be around to see who actually cared. I know there are much worse things happening to others, but physical pains will heal. How can you heal a broken heart that goes to a broken life that has no blueprint?

life...

all my life ive been letdown. i have always been letdown by family friends and all the lies ive been told. it never came to me till i was a freshmen in high school. i never was successful at anything to do. i had no ambition or motivation to better myself or even attempt to try. freshmen year i was always picked on, i was the fat guy on the football team who tried his best but coaches never gave credit to. so i decided to quit. i went to one dance that year, i tried to dance with some girls, it was like i wasnt even there, then some guy just pushed me aside and was grinding with his girlfriend, i just sat in the back crying. sophomore year i decided to do football again, i weighed at least 300+ pounds so i was picked on even when i kept up with the team i remember we had one last condition and two coaches were picking on me. one of the coaches said " hey fat-f*** pretend theres a cheeseburger at the end of the line" ignoring his rude comment i kept up with the rest. the other coach said to me " thats right move them ham hawks boy" so i quit because "No matter what i do, it never pays off" sophomore year was nothing but more misery, when summer came along i decided to work out, i had one and one motivation only "to get a girlfriend by losing wieght" when summer was over i was 290 and everyone commented on it, i was like finally this is gonna pay off. Still that year was miserable and still no girlfriend. if you read this far im impressed at the fact your still here, it mea...

Random fuck up

If I was to tell all my story then their would be a lot of public scrutiny. But to sum it up, I might be able to use a few paragraphs. I'm 37 about to be 38. I look good so people tell me but I've been divorced once 2 kids with a mom that committed suicide. Not like I didn't already brand myself by slashing my arms over 48 times. I get with a woman I think is not going to have more medical mental problems and have 2 more kids. She has escalating mental problems due to disability, turns to drugs and I leave her. I raise these kids on a daily basis thinking they are what I live for. Joke is on me. They are all female and here I am raising 4 girls all alone. I cry every day wishing I was dead. I get laid off of a job after 6 years. I move thinking there's gotta be more of a life for me elsewhere. I still want to end my life on a daily basis. I know better because their are 3 girls that depend on me still for 1 has reached 18. Nobody is hiring. Some stupid ass named Rick perry wants to allow more aliens to take our jobs from us and my unemployment will run out soon. Aliens that could have committed God knows what crimes come to our country and takes our jobs while our people with only misdemeanors suffer with our families. Thanks Rick Perry! You a bright fucker. So while I sit back allowing bright fuckers determine the fate of how my family life is I will live off the states until someone with brains step in. Well, my life isn't just his fault. It's my very own. I made my mistakes. I love females but every damn one of them have done me wrong, including my female kids. I just have to wait till they are old enough to do so. More so they just enhance me wanting to kill myself but I know different. Anybody with common sense would not have children. Don't ever invite a child to an evil world such as this one. I wish I was never born. LIFE JUST SUCKS!