LIFE SUCKS : 2011 December

Real Sad

My name is ace. My life really suks. I got no job, money, i depend on my parents small bedroom. I suck at any sport i play in college and i have no conversation skills. I am unable to make any friends. Im 35 with a bedtime. I never had a girlfriend as i said complete outcast. I sit in front of the computer, its my only advil slash pain reliever. I try to work out but remain fat, I struggle doing the simplest of things. My dad is far away and unable to make contact with him. I am the shit of humanity i take o space a dissapointment to nature itself. I try to do something but i cant find a solution. I an stuck, forever with no hope i hope your life isnt as bad as mine.

My life

Well... the loneliness I feel consumes me. I fake my emotions and put on my game face, but the pain and sorrow, rage and disgust are killing me. I am wallowing in self petty, trying to turn a blind eye to the disease that is raging inside me. My life has changed so much...so much. I am numb to the point that I wondered if I ever truely could feel. The depression rages inside me. Forcing me to succumb to it reminding me still that I am not in control as I fall deeper into the rabbit hole. Who I was is taken away from me... the military no longer wanted me after the terrible first episode that would change my life forever. Its a strange thing to think how quickly it can change. At my sickest point the angel of death said I could go, but my mother, asleep on the ground next to my bed would have found me dead. I could not bare he sadness. So I stayed. I should have gone. Confusion, sadness and weakness are now who I am after 4 years. I am alone and frightened. I long for change my but I cannot find it. I long for love, but it is out of my reach. No man wants a taint or diseased woman. Worse a sad one. What I think about ... am I capable of love if I do not love myself? Do I deserve better or do I just think I do? My loneliness is my penance.

I'm 37 and my life is so utterly confusing. I have all these symptoms of an adult survivor of child sexual abuse, yet I have no memory of the event. I was emotionally abandoned growing up; fending for myself while my family yelled at each other. This went on daily for years! I can't stand confrontation. I can't stand up for myself for fear of triggering more confrontation. I serve as a mediator for everybody else without thinking about my own needs. I am working and improving myself, but I feel like by the time I get my shit straight I'll be 70 years old. I wish I could just start over :(

It never gets better,

I'm 25, still in university. I have to pay my way (don't want student loans) and so work and go to school. As a result, I can only take the minimum necessary to keep the balance on the loans from my first time around at university in interest free status. My depression and anxiety has been spiralling slowly out of control since I was 21 or so. I started quitting jobs because I was afraid I'd kill myself if I didn't.

But I've found a job in my career that I love, I've had it for a year and a few months, (previously the longest I'd had was 5 months). But my boss is a drug addict (he says he's clean as of now (as opposed to six months ago when he was NOT) but I don't believe him anymore), he marauds around fucking with the business I'm running for him. I can't run it very well because he won't let me.As a result I'm constantly on the hook with people about his behaviour and if they aren't getting irritated at me, I'm failing them. I'm FAILING THEM and I don't have to.

But the prospect of another job is out of the question. Nothing I'm qualified to do is going to pay me enough, or give me an environment that isn't toxic to me. Provided I can even find another job if I let this one go. My tuition rides on this job.

I get good grades, but I don't feel like I deserve them, I barely do the work in school compared to some of my classmates, I'm just smart and manage to understand the material. I was surprised and a little horrified to walk out of this se...

Repeated Shitty Events

I'm 33 years old and my absolutely blows goats. I conceived by two teenagers who never wanted kids. My dad left when I was baby leaving my mom to raise me by herself. She couldn't handle it and turned to substances (e.g. pot, cocaine, LSD, heroin, crack, etc.). She subsidized this habit by resorting to petty crimes and got involved with drug trafficking and gangs. She instilled in my mind that if I ever told the police, I would die since people that's what happened to people who told on one another. She met an abusive partner and I witnessed repeated torturous domestic violence. She begged me to call the police as she was beaten and then told me not to. It was paralyzing each time as I was scared for her and at the same time scared of the consequences of telling on someone. This isn't even getting into the physical and emotional abuse and neglect. As a result of my poor circumstances, I was bullied in school and the boys chase me home and hurt me. My mom made it clear that I was an unwanted child and my dad made it clear by disappearing from my life.

I ran away from home at 16 when I knew the police couldn't stop me. I moved in with an abuser who seemed to be better choice. He was physically, sexually, and emotionally abusive.

I held on hope that if I finished school, got a good career and met the right person, life would turn out okay. That plan did work for me for awhile.

From a father who never wanted me, I inherited a very rare ge...

Life's been shit since I was born

Life is so fucking shit. If you're not fucking up then you're getting fucked up. It seems that much worse because I'm the only one I know that seems to have to put up with so much bullcrap.

I have Epilepsy, Complex Partial Seizures both whilst awake or asleep. I've had it since I was 11 (1998), just after starting secondary school. Prior to my seizures starting I was in top groups for every subject and was told by many teachers how far I was likely to make it in life. Then I started having them. 99% of my time was spent at home for the first 2-3 years as the hospital had no idea what they were doing. I was put on lots of medication resulting in lots of side effects such as acne, shaking, major anger issues, tiredness, weight loss, dehydration etc. etc.

Of course I was bullied, BIG TIME, in school (when I was actually there) being the only person with Epilepsy and having to cope these side effects. Even people I classed as friends back then would pick on me, where I'd become such a social outcast and have no self-esteem. The school were no help at all as that just happened to be the schools worst years, so they didn't care. I ended up in all the lowest classes and left school with nothing.

I tried an art course but had to quit after attempting to commit suicide. I was diagnosed with depression and put in care for 6 months. I also had an operation for my seizures in this time which seemed to do the trick, both for my seizures and mood. I went bac...

Well isn't this just fun. Writing on a website to see how many people will fucking read your story. Fun? Sure. My story. Not worth it. Life, shitty. Complaining, no. Here I am to say yes, indeed life is shitty but why waste your time thinking about how shitty it is. Do something useful. Get pissed and do some physical labor. 14 hours straight of mucking stalls and hauling manure. Hell yes, sign me up. Sitting around typing on a fucking computer for no reason, i don't even know why i am writing this. Fuck it. I'm done.

I have had severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder my entire life, depression since grade 6, ADHD, and anorexia nervosa off and on since grade 6. My parents are both extremely mentally unstable and I have been raising them emotionally my entire life, as well as being abused by them. I never got a chance to be a kid. On top of all that, I am the absolute ugliest person in the entire world. (But who cares?! Absolutely no one, obviously.) I know I'm shit, and you know what? Feel better, because at least you're not the most unlucky, ugly fucked up person in the world. I'm also incredibly stupid, most likely the stupidest person you'll ever meet.

But here's the story. I have been saving money up on the side for over a year to dye my hair, as a 'treat' if I recovered from substance abuse, my eating disorder and self harm. I've remained recovered for over a month, so I went to the salon, and asked for a bleached blonde hair do. I was very excited about it, and almost cried of joy that I wouldn't be as ugly and person might actually like me. But I nearly burst into tears when I saw my reflection in the mirror. My hair was a bunch of colors that one might see in vomit. My hair is vomit colored. Worst thing of all? I wasted ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY TWO DOLLARS ON VOMIT COLORED HAIR. I CAN'T WASTE THAT KIND OF F*CKING MONEY. As soon as I walked out of the salon I burst into tears. When I got home, I had the worst meltdown I've ever had in my life. The sobs were uncontrolable and loud. The neighbours must've been scared. I haven't eaten since and don't plan to ever again. THANKS FOR THE FUCKING RELAPSE SALON, YOU ARE ABSOLUTE SHIT AND I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH. THE PAIN JUST WILL NEVER FUCKING GO AWAY. I HATE MYSELF.

I just don't know why nothing goes right for me. NOTHING.

Nobody will ever even read this, so what the fuck is the point?

My Story

Justtyped in 2 google cant get a job and have no money and ended up here. well what can I say I am 20 yrs old living in north-west england, I currently live with my family which consists of my brother, my sister, me nd mum and dad. No one in my familty works or has worked in the last 10 years. The legal age of working in this contry is 16 I have been tryin ever since my 16th birthday I am currently studyin in uni and will leave uni (considering I pass) with a debt of approxemtly £20,000. I spend most of my days in doors playing video games and not becasue I enjoy them, because I have nothin better to do. there is always fights and arguments between my parents (money issues) I have lost contact with most of my freinds because I have never been the type that gets close to people as past experience have taught me that the person I get close to will eventually screw me over (trust issues). Next errmmm oh yh theres girls nd well at times I think Im good with them and at other time I think am not. thing is I want a girl that i can stay with forever and not some small short relaltionships (p.s im a muslim). for sexual pleaseure i normally masterbate and have only had sex with 4 girls all which were prostitutes. life seems pointless and I seem to be wasting time and spending time by myself isnt helping. I have been doing this for well over a year now. I started drinking heavily every night for a good 7 months but have managed to quit drinkin all 2gether with the help of no1. My biggest fear is of the time I am wasting as I dont think I will get it back as I am young and these are the years that I am suppose to enjoy.

phuckin goverment

hi there,
i am Cee, 22 years old, living in The Netherland bu i'm not dutch..
my parents r very religious people, like they pray 5 times a day everyday etc.
and i try to follow their footsteps, and be a good muslim too
now the most of u know that alcohol is taboe in islam, and i neverrrr drink. . .
till last weekend..
my friends beggeddd me to just try it once, i know i would say no usually cause they've tried it many times before and i always said no..
bu this time, i don't know what the fuck was wrong with me.. so i joined them for a few shots..
now thats the first time in my life i've drinked alcohol..
anyway, we had a great night and we decided that i'll drive cause i was the least drunk of the group..
heading to the highway, the F&#@%! police told me to pull over..
that was the limit for me.. wich confirmed how bad my life sucks..
so i was screwed, waiting and stressing for the mail to receive about the results.. 2 weeks long everyday hoping that i would see the mail first, cause if my parents would see it first and read about me drinking alcohol, that would be their DEAD.. no doubt about that..
so today i received the mail.. and guess what i got for drinking ONCE in my life. the highest fucking punishment u can receive here for drinking..
they took my license, i can't drive for 2 years plus i have to pay about 2000 euros for a course and motivationprograms. i can handle all that..
but here's the problem.. my parents r old and weak, i need to bring them to the mall or hospital almost everyday. how am i gonna tell them that i can't drive the next 2 years, cause i'm a miljon percent sure they will have a heart attack if they find out i've been drinking.. and they will find out cause i will receive the next 2 years a lot of mail about the course and progress.

sorry for my bad english, but it isn't as bad as my situation is, i guess..

angry american story

I’m 23 Live with my grand parents and my mother so when I get yelled at its 3 times worse I was locked up for a year when I was 16 for armed robbery... I have a misdemeanor 3 on my record just got fired from my job at lids they used me for the Christmas holiday but promised me a full time position I was putting $2000 a day in the register in sales but they let me go I failed out of Penn state the first year transferred to LaGuardia community college did one semester then never went back because of living situations, I lost the love of my life we were together for 3 years now she’s gone for ever and I miss her everyday and it seems only ugly girls want me I don't have a dime to my name my family doesn't respect me because i was incarcerated so they treat me like shit and its really hurting me inside, I drive an old school benz that's it good shape but I have no gas and the state is threatening to take my license away for a year for failure to pay court fees oh yea I just got it back 1 month ago after waiting 2 years for it…… long story all my friends are going out to a club but I have no money I cant go everyone in my family has money but they are stingy when I had money I would give up my last dollar now I'm fucked up everyone forgot and wont help me, my fathers loosing his house its currently in foreclosure I have no nice clothes o yea I owe the state of new york city $1500.00 in parking tickets luckily I live in long island so they cant put a boot on it or better yet to...

I never learned that trick...

56 years old, two years of college, no friends or family I can turn to. Unemployed again, three months this time. I'm fortunate enough to be getting unemployment though that's only good for another couple of months. I had a good job, cooking and barbacking a few nights a week, so I had some money saved up.

From the first day I started looking diligently for work as best I could. I polished up my resume as best I could and from then on spent several hours a day scanning the listings on a number of the largest online job sites in search of anything for which I was even remotely qualified. I live in a large city so most days I was able to find two or three local jobs listed. I submitted applications and a copy of my resume for all of them. A couple of times a week I drove to the state employment office to look at their lists of jobs and to just talk with someone, trying to find some guidance to help improve the odds of my finding work.

It's been three and a half months now. My savings are all gone. I'm still getting $187 a week in unemployment which doesn't even begin to cover my living expenses. I have a housemate to share expenses with and have cut my spending back to the bare minimum and it's still not enough. I had recieved an email from an IT Staffing agency on Tuesday, looking for someone to fill a position with a local firm that looked quite promising but I learned this afternoon that the position had gone to someone else. No other prospects at th...

Big Storm Small Boat

I don't get it. Next year will be the 5th year I've to deal with this crap. I'm over loaded again. I've been given 20% more basic load than others/average. And the time needed to deal with the added load means I've less resources to deal with it.
Oh, and why do I say it's the basic load? Cos there are other loads... to justify my rank in the company. And so the storm gets bigger.
I've been battling with depression last year 2011. Perhaps I should get it officially diagnosed. That should make the bosses sit up and take note: I'm overloaded.
Trying to hang in there. I have for the first time voiced my displeasure at this crappy arrangement. My immediate boss may take some of my load off my shoulders... I'm reminding myself not to feel bad about it. My family is at stake here. My mental health is at stake here....

I just really need a big hug :(

I am crying, for the first time in more than four years... 22 years old. Lots of success on the job, got lots of friends... But I realize, that I have no friends who can give me a hug. A big hug. No one. I feel incredibly lonely.

All I want, is a hug. From someone who cares.

Are there normal people out there

I am 35, financially ok, have a decent job. But, my husband and I cannot find mutual friends that we get on with the wife and husband. My friends, the women are nice, but their husbands are losers and vice versa for my husbands friends. This is inhibiting our social life as we are unable to spend time around people we don't get on with. We also have 2 kids who we raise with discipline - it's not military camp, but the kids have respect and help out. Our friends kids are not like this. We can often see the problems caused by the parents ( our friends), but rather than say anything, we tend to avoid seeing these people. We also don't drink like fish, which means we are social outcasts. To get around it I see my friends separately and my husband hangs out with his. But it's been over a year since we have had any whole family come visit us. It can be lonely and I worry that we're too judgmental and will have no friends left at this rate.

A way to fix this?

I'm lonely, depressed, no friends, alone, everything. Same story as you.

Try an experiment with me.

I'm going to live selflessly. (Not *try* to live selflessly, really live selflessly. The energy of my food goes to doing stuff for other people. If I need a new car, I figure out a way that I own it, but for some reason beyond myself.)

I don't want to do anything for myself anymore. I'm done with it. I've been wanting a relationship so that *I* could feel better, so that *I* could have more friends, whatever. No more of that. I'm miserable and lifeless, and something has got to change. Just wanting to change isn't enough.

Don't go to work for yourself. Don't eat for yourself. Behind whatever you do, find someone else to do it for. Balance the selfishness of the world that put you here in the first place, with a little bit of selflessness, and maybe we'll help keep someone else off this website.

Try it with me. Maybe we'll run into one another someday.

Let's see if this helps us.

Fuck life

I fucking hate my life I live in a shity trailer in the middle of nowhere with absolutely no real friends literally woman I burn for ignores me when ever I try to talk to her it was just Christmas and I spent the whole night curled up around a toilet puking my brains out and I was completely sober and have been forced to stay that way for over a year while every body around me has their escapes all I want in life is for my car to run at least decently I mean really is that really to much to ask? Iv poured money into it and no matter what it still runs like shit it can't even sit at a red light without dying I go to school full time and I work but there's no joy in my life I had to leave all my friends and family and my pretty ok life over night to move out to this shity little life that I live now which I was told it would be better all and all I have to say WHAT THE FUCK YOU GOD DAMN LIARS!!! But what the fuck ever you know I got a slut of an ex girlfriend that has every body at my school thinking that I choked and beat her for the 6 months we were together when i have never lade a hurtful hand on any woman in my life and now I can't get a girl to even say hi to me I truly hate waking up in the morning and dragging my self out to school I mean come the fuck on I live 2 miles away from the nearest neighbor and 10 from town masturbations has even lost it's fun my so called family tells me "relax it'll get better" well how the hell are things supposed to get better when eve...

Ruined my life...

I am so lonely...I've never done well with relationships....I don't really know anyone that liked me...But I liked this girl...But she didn't feel the same way....I tried anyway..And overtime..I really started to love this girl...I talked to her every night...I was always there for her...She too started to actually like me...But then I started to become too clingy....and then when she was about to tell me to back off..(I didn't know at the time)..I told her I loved her..and well....Then I became miserable and she doesn't like me when I'm miserable...Now, she doesn't like me anymore...and our conversations are slowly dropping...I think she even hates me now...And so I pretty much ruined it with the one girl that may have liked me and that I liked back....and so...I'm really lonely and in misery

Pressure

I have this huge pressure to do EVERYTHING perfectly. But I can't. No one can. But my parents, my friends, family friends, neighbors, they ALL EXPECT ME to become this world famous celebrity and make them proud and bring in lots of money and get married to a good, hard-working, rich person. If I get a score in the 80's for a test/quiz, there's that annoying GASP and WHY DIDN'T YOU STUDY HARDER? WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE DONE BETTER THAN THIS KID OR THAT KID? I hate all this pressure. At school, sometimes I do before I think, and that gets me into so much trouble with my friends and relationships. I wish I could have better common sense before I do something, but no. I just plunge into whatever's gonna ruin someone else's plans, dreams, etc. I wish I could retreat to a world where grades don't matter, pressure doesn't exist, your social ranking's not important, and peace thrives.

I've always wondered about slitting my wrists. Some say that it's wonderful, your troubles just flowing away, even if that pain still lingers. Others say it brings you back to your senses, to the cold, hard truth: you just have to keep on going. I want to, but I don't have the nerves to do it. And everyone would find out.

And also, great. I got dumped. Because my boyfriend doesn't have enough time for me. And all my other supposed friends say I deserved it. Maybe I did. But he also ignored me. And I could never forget him for that. I loved him. But love, love ends quickly. Love flies away like a gypsy child in the nihgt.

And love, love doesn't stay for me. Love won't wait for me.

trying to keep it together

well im not sure were to start, but i have being suffering from ocd depression anxiety since i was a kid, it all started when i was 6, i grew up in a shit hole of a town i had a fight with dis kid then after that i was bullied daily for 4 years till we moved i was afraid to leave the house or go to school with out getting beat up or tormented even when i did fight back it continued and i just rember thinkin how can dis happin to a six or 7 years old how couldnt the parents stop it,i couldnt sleep at night or be left in the dark u realise now 20 years later that was the first start of my general anxietythen we finally moved house it was the happiest day of my life it was ok for a few months then my ocd kicked in,i still remember the i got a disturbing tought in my head that if i sold my soul to the devil in my mind it would happen i stared to do rituals to distract my self i couldnt get the thought of my head i finally told my parents after months of mental tourture and panic and they never brought me to see a doctor, i was only 10 years old after that i just pretending it wasnt happening even though dis thought were tearing me apart night and day,a 10 year old dosent know wtf ocd is they just think i better not tell anybody even though it was affecting me, and then the bulligg stared again nearly i dentical to what happened years before but now 10 times worse they guy that was bully mestared hanging out with my fdriends turned them against me i was beated up on the way t...