I'm a 26 year old woman. Tall, slim, pretty in my own way I guess.
I moved to a new city to take a job I really wanted.
I had to break up with my partner of nearly 10 years and leave the home we had made together and our two cats who were important parts of my life.
I was so broken when I got here but I tried to hold my head up and I tried hard not to focus on my fears and hurt that I probably didn't deal with it properly.
Now 6 months later I realise I have only made one friend who is often busy with her husband and children.
Some of my workmates I think actively don't like me. It puts my on edge at work and ruins what is my only social interactive apart from the supermarket.
I can go days without speaking to anyone. Sometimes I buy things at the mall to feel a part of something but really I hate shopping and can't afford it.
In desperation for some sort of human contact I went online dating. Met a guy and immediately went out with him and had sex with him. We did this weekly for about 6 weeks- always on his terms- always mostly about the sex. I know I was a booty call but I was always counting down the days until I could see him again so I had someone to pass the time with, someone to touch, someone to touch me. Often he was the only person to ask me in a week how I was.
I had a flat with a girl who hardly spoke to me so I moved again. The new flatmates speak to me when there is noone else around but they have their own active social lives and don't involve me in them. When their friends come over I just go to my room because they don't want me there.
My ex-partner was my best friend and I often wish I could call him because I know he would understand but I know that's not fair on him since I left him.
I mostly push out the lonely from my mind but some days it just creeps up on me. More and more often now it seems.
Is this how it is going to be forever? I feel like I am stuck in a cycle because potential friends can SMELL the desparation on me and I can no longer act normal around people.
I don't sleep, I just quietly drink myself into a coma. I've lost 10kgs since moving here even though I haven't been dieting but instead drinking heaps of alcohol. Not to mention I have a constantly sore body and headaches.
God I feel like such a loser.
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It seems like you are willing to pay a price with the devil for this job.
And what job is this if you cant even afford to shop?
I think you have lost your senses.... well loneliness sucks but then again you had all that and gave it up for a job that wont even let you have your own apt and get you a shopping spree..
For me you must have lost your mind and intergrity!
gluck ill pray for you...
female, 23 yr old, caring person!
i'm 20 in uni and a female too, if you want to email me you can, anabarros16@yahoo.com, and then i can give you my facebook? I hate the idea of someone feeling that lonely.
I love playing sports so I went on Craigslist and found a couple of teams I could play on. My social circle grew from there and now I don't feel nearly as lonely as I once did.
I still have my moments, but life is much better.
Hope this helps.
Danny.
So, how about going to a meeting? Go to aa.org to find meetings.
You would make friends and get support there. Look, if you are doing this to yourself you can't be very healthy, which means your relationship with your boyfriend could not have been so great - codependent maybe? I don't think you would have left if it was. Anyway, how about focusing on taking care of yourself and getting well?
Best of luck.
How do you think your ex feels.
One supportive rock in your life, and you decide to leave him..
For a job.
You get what you deserve.
My advise would be to continue online dating but try and build a more meaningful relationship with the next person. Also, maybe even consider taking a night course in something that interests you, its a good way of meeting people. I would advise that you consider speaking to a professional as they could help you see things from another perspective, which is never a bad thing.
Good luck to you anyway
Remember something, we are all the creators of our own existence. So dont pretend positivity. Be Positive! Life is certainly one of the greatest gifts we can ever hope to have, so enjoy it, take pride in it, and live it to the fullest extent that you can wring out of it.
If you are alone, make the concious decision to enjoy those moments. Open your eyes, and look around you, really look at the marvel of life around, you. put on some tunes, and dont get lost in yourself or what you think you need, but listen to the music, really listen to it. and perhaps, just perhaps you may smile. You will be well on your way when you start smiling again. Go Dancing, or just dance in your room.
I know all that may sound like hogwash to you, but it is what constantly helps me through what is a difficult period in my life. And whilst I may be alone, I figure, you only live once, so I best not waste a second of it.
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