I work really hard to Be as good as possible. I have learnt to draw to the extent that i can draw photo realisticly. I havee learnt to play the bass to the point that ive played in front of about 600 people in a gig. I am very knowledgable on a plethora of subjects going from the cold war to medicine to mythology and so on, ive gathered 50,000 units of my national currency (i wont disclose which currency for the sake of privacy) for charity. I am fluent in two languages and have A's on all my subjects. I've won 1rst place and was the mvp for the national knowledgebow competitionl 3 times, 3rd place 2 times and 2nd one time. Even with all this accomplishments i see myself as a worthless piece of shit because of a single reason, i'm fail catastrophicly in maintaining relationships. Until this moment in my life ive been able achieve all my important goals which to my person is merely complascent. These achievments have come at a price which is the fact that i only have one person whom i consider my friend (i've lost all my previous friendships, because achieving instead of socializing) and ive come to dislike most people because its a trend to be an idiot.
Because of this i dislike most girls i know, and Would seek those who are not vapid idiots. Most of this rare and wonderfull creatures either dont care about their appearence or want to fit in and will become jersey shore loving ignorants. Whenever i actually found a girl who met my criteria she would've been unavailable, and i would usually realise this after already having invested my time and effort on them. Then i lowered my standards and it seems i became unable to talk to women, since they make me feel aprehensive. This derives from the fact that the only woman ive ever loved lost her virginity to someone who i once called my best friend. Since then ive become cold, inexpresive and cynic.
To compensate this feeling of inadequacy, i try to be the best at everything to prove my worth to myself, yet the better i get the more i realize im extremely incompetent. The truth is ive become numb to life. Lateley I only feel frustration for not being good enough, loneliness and an ever lasting Feeling of distrust for others.
The harder i try, the harder i fail.
The harder i fail the harder i try next time.
The harder i try and fail the more miserable i feel | |
I never get a perfect score, I don't have any talents, i'm okay at cooking, I forget things a lot, i've never excelled in anything but I never give up!! Does that mean I dont deserve to be loved?
all the best
Best of luck
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