I have tried so hard to overcome this feeling of self hate and worthlessness, but that's all I feel. I'm an 19yr old, high school drop out. I am so broke I can barely afford food. I work at a cleaning job that pays like shit and the pain it causes, adds on to my fibromyalgia pain. I have had a troubled past and some horrific memories that carry on with me everyday. So many regrets, the guilt, the pain, the depression. Its hard to live life when you feel stuck. I tried to end it all before, and that's when my life wasn't as bad as it is now. I feel so lonely. I have lost so many friends and so much I care about. I always try and change it around and try and make myself happy, but it doesn't last long at all. Why do we live like this? School then work until you're too old to work, then you die. What's the point of living when that's all that's coming out of life. Being a lesbian in a homophobic family doesn't help either. I already feel like I don't exist, so why try and stay to fake it? There's so much going on with me right now it would take weeks to write. I can't help the way I feel though. Who wants to live in constant pain, emotionally & phisically, everyday & everynight.. I feel so lost in myself. I don't know who I am, or what I want to do. I just want to be..gone. | |
Out there in the world there is lots of people feeling the same way you feel,and the only thing they do best is complain.
Don't do the same,that means do something about it!but little by little.
If having drop the school still affects your self steem ,take GED classes in 3 months you will have it done. Keep looking for better jobs,you may as well pay just "one" add in the news paper offering cleaning jobs and getting better money since you will be the only one working and getting payed. About food I sure that were you live there is public assistance,they will direct you to several places were they will feed you every day with out paying. You may later donate something to those places when your circumstances allowed. The worse you can do is doing nothing. For personal experience I can tell you that praying every day to God the almighty,he will give you ideas, strength, courage,guidance and peace etc.. he is the only one that will never let you down. Take notice of his presence because your eyes can't see him but you'll know is his hand that is pulling you out of your problems.
but I too was a screwed up 19 year old, things have a way of working out better than you might think. BUT you have to be there...one of the best ways to get better is to stay busy, so busy you don't have time to hurt and worry, and think. Find young people that need your help, your wisdom, your eloquence and help them to help you help them got it?. never ever give up, life is hard, it's supposed to be. You are tougher, smarter, better than you know, Trust me. I wouldn't lie to ya...I love you, you take care I'll check back later....
People are never happy or satisfied, what matters is to keep yourself sane and alive :)
If ever you feel things are going over your head and you need to talk to someone, you can contact me on my blog email address: heart2woman@gmail.com
hehe
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