I'm 34 married unhappy and at the end of contemplating what to do. What scares me is that all the things that used to make me happy when I felt depressed no longer work for me. I used to smoke weed and do other drugs but even those stopped working. And I am not about to start taking any Big Pharmacuetical pimped cures that do nothing to cure the problem and only lead to lifelong addiction.
Most of my childhood was chaotic. My mother divorced my father when I was nine and then proceeded to move from boyfriend to next husband to next boyfriend every couple of years. So as a result I never got to stay put anywhere fo very long and I think that it has left a lasting negative effect on me. I find it difficult if not impossible get close w/ most anyone.
The only thing that ever seemed to give temporary release other than the drugs was my lifelong obsession/addiction w/ video gaming. But after a lifetime of playing games there is simply no satisfaction anymore. I think I realized some years ago that it's a throuroughly hollow persuit. Akin to living vicariously throught virtual experiences that never really happened by staring at a box for many says and hours.
I don't even feel close with my own wife. Oh sure at first it SEEMED like we were close and right for each other and honestly she is a good person who does seem to care for me. The problem is that as the years go by I care less and less for her and I feel like complete shit because of it. And the kicker is that it isn't anything that she did or didn't do-- it's just me and the way I feel. She probably deserves better but right now I think that I'd just rather stick with her than be completely alone.
I'm stuck in a dead end job. A byproduct of the result of a fucked up childhood where school was only a passing concern. Even if I was to go out and indebt myself to put myself through school at this point I don't have the energy or will to do so.
I have tried religion but I simply could never buy into the concept of an omniprescent and all loving god that lets the travesties and horrors of this world continue on and on forever ad nauseum. If god loves us he sure has a funny way of showing it.
Some people seem to have it all and the rest of us get the shit that's left over. That would be me. No prospects. No future. No reason for existing really. | |
New Comment
Comments:
|
|
|
michael kors wholesale
About Us
michael kors wholesale
New Comment