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Better or Worse?

Posted by 17ba at April 16, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Religion  Sexuality

I used to be very depressed & suicidal, but have learned to suppress most of my emotions. I was unhappy because I am gay (no choice) and my religion said it was wrong. I have few friends, & only 1 that i am really me around them. I have recently had doubts about my religion but still believe there might be a god (no jesus though!, the bible is stupid!)

My question is, Is it really that bad that I suppress my emotions & have given up on people. (I don't wish to harm people though)


Similar Entries:
WHY? April 27, 2010
Hate's self August 2, 2010
Seriously? March 27, 2012
Life sucks, and seems to be getting worse  March 18, 2012
does it get better? January 24, 2012

New Comment

By anonymous at 16,Apr,12 00:29

dude you have a choice if your gay or not saying its a bad thing just screw everyone who is making fun of you get over if it makes you happy then thts all tht matters dont cry about something soo little everything is going too be ok trust me i know how it feels too be picked on a nd stuff but tht never lets me down

By anonymous at 16,Apr,12 06:19

Don't worry if you believe in the christian God then he is all forgiving right. Live your life how you want regardless of how others might precieve you or intimidate you. You cannot prove jesus did all the stuff the bible said he did or if there is a heaven or a hell. Remember God gave man free will.

By anonymous at 16,Apr,12 08:54

Move to San Fransisco. Problem solved. If people around you are bringing you down find new people. Join gay forums. There are plenty around and you'll be able to express your situation and find support. Be aware there are mean people in all of society so if you come across mean gays don't be discouraged. People that are mean to others are generally empty inside and/or not happy with themselves. It's simply not you.

By anonymous at 16,Apr,12 08:58

I forgot about your question, if you stop being who you are and suppress your emotions you're only hurting yourself. Negative emotions effect us physically on a cellular level. Army scientific study has confirmed this. Be who you are and the friends you make in the future will know the real you and accept you for who you are and not the fake you.

By anonymous at 16,Apr,12 18:11

Dude, you are toally on the right track ! Relgions, any of them, that say homosexuality is wrong are just primitive bullshit. You were born that way, and you are great.

I would say it is bad to suppress your emotions too much. Like, it's OK to hold it in at work or whatever, but you got to let it out sometime. Do you have at least one good freind to vent to?

Also, if you still have a spiritual sense, look into more enlightened, reason based spiritual paths like zen buddhism, pantheism, and pagan/nature based religion.

I think its OK to be very cautious about people. Its better to have just a few friends you trust than a lot of assholes you can't.
By anonymous at 16,Apr,12 19:20

If he is born loving penises, then he should been born with a vagina not a penis.
A homosapien who loves dicks is called a woman and she has vagina specially made -after millions of years of evolution- to recieve the penis and reproduce.
So basically your doubting evolution, religion and pretty much everything just cuz you're a pervert who lost sexual interest in women and likes men, so you follow your dick into man's anus and justify it by simply being who you are. Hmm...substituting sex for science... yes you really make religions look primitive .
Well fuck, let's also let criminals, rapists,and pedophiles free to choose what they like to do and how to live their lives. I mean -just like people misjudge gay men- who are you to judge them for liking to butt-fuck 5 year olds, or hearing voices in their heads telling them to kill people ... they are just being themselves. I mean what is really considered normal nowadays...
P.S.: go fuck yourself you dumb retard, it's people like you the reason the world is getting dumber and more fucked up day by day.
By anonymous at 17,Apr,12 06:08

Man seriously, you're right about the evolution thing but you also forgot that humans developed cognitive thought and free will its what seperates us from the animals. Ultimatly their is also no such thing as a mental dissorder either, because we are all individuals only diffrent views and those views of rapists and pedophiles contradict the established "norm" or collective. Dogmatic beleif in any institution espically on a mass scale is destructive it does not mater if it is religon or evolution when people who arbitrate belifs like yours spout their totalitarian mantra it just makes me think you are a Hitler SS or at least a Santorum supporter.

P.S. 17ba you should look into Deism, Panthism, but paganism and buddism are a little irrational only because one believes in multiple gods and the other adheres to the principles of karma. Thats just my opinion.
By anonymous at 18,Apr,12 01:01

Big words will not make your any statement stronger...
The fact that humans have the largest minds compared to animals and plants doesn't mean that they are free from their primitive instincts and they achieved the peak of evolution.I mean for fucks sake the second smartest being is a dolphin... no sense in comparison.
Just cuz we are evolved enough to question and seek answers in a random, chaotic manner doesn't mean we are the lord's of the universe and whatever thought we might stir up in our fucked up minds is creative and innovative.
You seem to be confusing god with people which makes me think that you're a christian, since they are so full of themselves that they think god is a white hippy with super powers and humans are really the biggest thing that happened in this universe since the big bang( as if single-celled bacteria or simple radiation can't wipe us out). The so called free will people THINK they have will be the key to their own destruction. Giving free will to idiots is like giving Hitler an atom bomb. Plus if human being were meant to be homosexual or bisexual then they should have evolved like frogs or something so that have both a penis and vagina AND CAN REPRODUCE. But homosexuals of many creatures can't reproduce now can they? So they just die out.
Believe me when i tell you, you are not above the laws of physics my friend and just cuz you might live with a dog that sniffs its ass or a cat that licks its balls and read books that teach you big words and ideas full of shit doesn't make you educated.
As for me being like Hitler, well... apparently you live in a first world country and didn't struggle with much in your life other than the occasional social/emotional bullshit people keep ranting about. You haven't experienced much in life other than what you've read in books, seen on news or read on the internet, so for that my friend the tables have turned and i tell you you are full of shit cuz you don't really know how life works for most individuals. I mean I can't expect you to understand how an orphan feels just by reading Oliver Twist now can I?
There are so much things you and I don't know cuz just as we have the advantage over other creatures with our minds, it is our minds themselves that limit us to this primitive thinking and believing that there are many versions of the truth.
The truth is one and stands alone, while a fact ;like what you might have said; is not necessarily the truth, since a fact just needs a large enough group of idiots to make it exist in their minds like the many religions we seem to have today.
P.S. : fuck you douche bag you made my head hurt with your non-sense rambling...
By anonymous at 18,Apr,12 03:21

No, to answer your statement I am not a christian I am a deist, and as far as we know we might be the only intelligent beings in the universe if you look at it objctively and how do you know I only read books and have no experiance that is a rather grandiose assumption. From your statement I presume you are one of those stunch eugenic evolution believers that do not believe in the individual,"We are just organic machines" like Stephan Hawkins says right. You know on a mass scale that can lead to genocide right.

I forgive you for your deragatory language as I understand that humans convay messages in diffrent ways.
By anonymous at 18,Apr,12 07:15

Please don't associate me with Euro-trash religions... white people tend to create make-belief religions just for the sake of raging war on each other or others, thus is the story of Jerusalem. I mean c'mon how many christian churches do you have in Europe alone... and christianity is one of the oldest and still existing religions known to man.
Genocide... c'mon ... Armenian genocide, Rwandan genocide,Srebrenic genoicdes... even in the old times... Jerusalem, Troy, etc..... Really??? You never heard of even the Holocaust???? Lol.. ''lead to genocide''... it's been happening long since you were born man with different races and numbers...
As I said, vocabulary is for poets, writers and spelling bee champions :D, just spit the fucking point out without babbling large words , cuz you're just babling about nothing. :D
I forgot to mention that even monkeys and parrots with brains the size of pea can achieve some sort of cognitive thought when trained by specialists... I am not an athiest, or neither do I belong to any of these scientology chuches, but my religion says that humans are like animals blessed with a larger brain which enable free will and complex thought and science has proven that primapes and humans have a really similar genetic make-up. Plus it says that science is just as important as religion cuz without it, you will breed retards like the KKK, Hitler, and Terrorists.
Have fun guessing what religion do i belong to :P
By anonymous at 18,Apr,12 07:17

P.S. I mean no disrespect and it's been a pleasure chatting with you :D
By anonymous at 18,Apr,12 16:09

I did not associate you with any church. Just a strong belief in science and I know genocide has taken place before in history all I am saying is that a strong convection to anything even science can be destructive. I annoy babbeling my posts have been shorter than yours. We do not disagree on anything except if homosexuality should be accepted in society.
By anonymous at 18,Apr,12 17:34

I don't know why you idotic thick sack of shit have to blabber about something that's not even related to the story. You, fuckwits, have gone too far from evolution to genocide bullshit ask the OP if that really matters and could help now. If you, fucken dumb tards, want to argue about human history well then go to a more appropriate site where assjackers like you two can burble bout your shit
without annoying people.
By anonymous at 19,Apr,12 00:47

Go somewere else dumb ass you have not really helped anybody either. I said the kid should look into diffrent phylisopical beliefs.
By anonymous at 19,Apr,12 01:18

and evolution and genocide? Wow, what a smart-ass sputtering bullshit you are thanks to your bloated brain my head hurts, dumb fuck. Good job. Feel proud.
By anonymous at 18,Apr,12 21:22 Fold Up

Yes, that's why i said there should be balance between religion and science. Obsession with one alone can fuck up a human being.
As for the babbling part, I meant that you keep on changing the subject like what the fuck does my language got to do with 17ba's problem...
If the guy wants to be homosexual, well let him be, but keep in mind secrecy is important because if you are right then he has freedom to choose his sexuality but people are also free to beat the living crap out of him. Which to me seems like a total fail.
As to respond to the other guy, well, you're no different, your post helped no one... What's the matter? You got sand in your vagina?
By anonymous at 18,Jun,12 23:32 Fold Up

you could, quite possibly be, the stupidist person alive. Id bet dollars to doughnuts that more catholic priests have butt fucked 5 year olds than gay men. comparing ones sexual orientation to being a criminal, rapist (falls under the same category dipshit) or pedophiles (also falls under the first category)is absolutely insame and obtuse. thats like saying if you have ever jerked off in the shower you should be lumped in with that category of people because god for bid you didnt have sex with a woman. i would say, with confidence, that it is because of people like YOU that the world is getting dumber and more fucked up day by day

By anonymous at 17,Apr,12 16:33

Jesus Christ loves you, He is the Son of God who died for your sins so you could be saved. He can give you a new life if you want to...

By anonymous at 17,Apr,12 18:10

I have some pot and a hard on, suck me off while I smoke weed.

By anonymous at 17,Apr,12 23:39

To answer your question, yes it is not healthy for you to surpress your thought, you are only human. That is good you still believe in God don't lose faith, God Loves all his children that is why Jesus died on the cross for us. I'm Caltholic, and before you make a rash judgement on me, please notice I didn't make one on you. I know you don't believe in the bible but if yu believe in the Christan God then you believe in the bible-even if you do not want to admmit it, and that is okay. I would like to clear something up. My religion has been put on the enemy side of this battle for a long time and everytime we try to speak up we only get about half way before we get intrupeted. My religion never said it is not okay to be homosexual EVER!!
Now I know you probably angry already beacuse then why can we not get married or..etc. One marriage has no part in what sexually orientation a person is. I know that probably make no sense but that word "Marriage" is the joing of man and women to make a commion with God. That is why man and man cannot get married through the church. Now if a homosexual couple want to "unit" in commitment then i think that is fine but to ues the term marrige can not be allow.
Our God never mentions that it is wrong to be Homosexual, he just say the act of homosexual is what is wrong.
Man and Women in belief are only suppose to have sex with each other when they are to reporduce not for lust. So yes Married couple who have sex for pleasure are commetting a sin to.
So yes you can be hmosexual but to have sex with another homosexual is the sin because man and women are only here on eath to reproduce not to lust. So unless man and man or women and women can have sex and reproduce with each other, sorry to say then that is a sin becaue you are not having sex to reproduce but peer lust. Now if you are one of thoes people who believe that sex is showing each other you love one another YOU ARE WRONG!! There is pleanty of ways to show Love beside having sex! But please keep in mind people who are married that are hetersexual and having sex for lust is a sin too-that is why we are not suppose to use birth control, because the only time were are suppose to have sex is to reproduce.
So it is okay to be homosexual-go for it just remember not to have sex, I know pleanty of homosexual men and women that i attend church with and one if a Father and he say it, but he never acts on it. Being homosexual is NOT a SIN it the LUST that is the SIN!!!!!!!

By anonymous at 01,Sep,12 23:36

And my final comment to all you degenerates who harassed me is FUCK YOU ASSHOLES.

By anonymous at 17,Sep,12 18:36

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I too have emotionally detached myself from people around me. It a defense mechanism but it makes for a very lonely life. I used to love but it only brought heartbreak and emotional suffering and it was consuming me. Now there is none of that, none of anything in fact. I haven't celebrated my birthday for over 15 years and Christmas is the worse time. I avoid TV, shopping malls and friends and family. I read a good book or two and have my dinner for one. My only consolation is that one day this will end.

By anonymous at 21,Feb,13 13:07

Understand your sentiments completely, dude. I have almost completely shut down all my emotions. Tired of feeling, tired of being vulnerable, just TIRED. I exist, I do not live in the conventional sense. More and more of my life slips away and I am just another day closer to death.

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