Even as a small child I was unconfident, my mum told me I never made any effort to play with other kids, I just played by myself. I used to make people up, a lot of kids do, but it took me a long time to grow out of it and I was bullied terribly for it, I was also living in poverty, so all of my clothes were old and I was really small and skinny, which made the bullying much worse, and i never had friends to stick up for me.
For a long time I just took it. I didn't fight back, I didn't show that I was bothered, I didn't hurt anyone, but eventually I just got fed up with it. I just changed, I started doing strange things, bashing my head really hard on surfaces, screaming at people randomly in the corridors, breaking down for no reason in class, people thought I was attention seeking - I was crying for help.
I tried to talk to someone, anyone, but because I was always so quiet about all that had been going on no-one believed me; my parents didn't, the teachers didn't, everyone was treating me like I was the problem, like I was wrong to be me. Eventually I believed them and I did terrible things to myself, physically and mentally, because I felt like I should be punished for existing, I realise that it wasn't that I was wrong, it's just that no-one understood me. I've never spoken to anyone of it, not even my mum, I can't talk to anyone, I can't let anyone close.
I know I will be alone forever, I've accepted that, I've never been in love or had a best friend. Listening to music makes me feel a little better and not quite so singled out, but I'm always, always alone. | |
whether you're rich or poor
whether you're beautiful or ugly
I know you won't believe this, but its true, because every situation is followed by a particular set of problems that won't easily go away.
What you can do? u can just make the best of it. it's the only option.
If you feel despair, I suggest you study Vipassana Buddhism. it's not a religion, just study the wisdom behind it, you will feel a lot better.
to be alone. You just have to keep trying to make
the best of things. Focus on hobby's that you like,
such as music, etc.. So, keep your head up, and
remember that there is alot of other people who
are also alone in the world.
The Psalmist cried out, "No man cares for my soul." [Psalm 142:4]. He was experiencing the loneliness of isolation from other people, and the feeling that those around him were pursuing their own interests rather than showing genuine concern for his soul.
People are often pursuing their own interests and desires, but the lesson we must learn is that people are not our source. In the midst of your isolation, you can turn to Christ and discover that His love truly does satisfy. Jesus understands loneliness and rejection. He experienced isolation from people. Because he understands, he is able to bring acceptance and love.
Christ brings you love, acceptance, and intimate communion with the God of love. With Christ, you are not alone. He conquers your loneliness by coming to dwell within you. Loneliness is removed by the presence of the indwelling Christ.
There is precious communion with Christ, when a lonely person discovers that the love of Christ is real and satisfying. There is an old saying, "Blessed are the homesick, for they shall come home." Loneliness and isolation are signs of homesickness, which can only be healed by coming home to Christ.
Christ makes us whole. His love makes us whole, and out of the overflow of Christ's love within us we can then show love and compassion for those around us. Out of the overflow of His love and acceptance for you, which heals your loneliness, you can show love and caring towards those around you.
He knocks at the door of your heart; the presence of Christ is real. But He must be invited into your heart, into the center of your being.
Receive Him; receive His cleansing and forgiveness and love. Allow Him to have the control of your life in a genuine surrender, and His loving presence will fill you, removing loneliness and unrest. May the peace of Christ fill you now!
A Prayer of Surrender:
Dear Lord Jesus, please fill me with your love, and wash away all my sins. I surrender my heart and life to you. I ask you to receive me and make me whole.
Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins, to cleanse me and forgive me. Thank you for dying on the cross for me, to make me a child of God. I turn away from all my sins, with all my heart.
I receive you, Lord Jesus, as the Lord and Savior of my life. I ask you to rule in my heart and life from now on. I ask you to fill me with your loving presence, and guard me with your divine protection.
I ask you to strengthen me and help me, to live for you from now on. I ask you to fill me with love so that I can love other people with a pure love. Fill me with love so that I can love you with all of my heart.
Amen.
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