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Not Perfect

Posted by anonymous at April 8, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Attitude

When I scroll down this page I feel like my situation isn't as bad anymore. I hate how I feel sorry for myself when there are people who are doing much worse than me. When there are starving children around the world who would kill for the life I have. I hate how I am a bitch.
I was expelled from school. A few years ago. It was my fault. I'm lazy and a failure and my parents waste so much money trying to make me perfect. At my current school I have no friends. But everyone here is going to go to Harvard of Princeton. They have their whole life set out for them. When I look into my future, I don't see anything. Nobody does. My parents don't. I have let them down time and time again.
I tried to kill myself once. Overdose. I used to cut. All my parents would say when they found out is that if anyone found out they would be ridiculed and I would be take away from them. The scars are so noticeable. The stupid CVS fade cream doesn't work. All the time I wish that my life would either be turned around or just end.
I gave my heart to a guy once. That was the first time and I don't think I'll ever be able to do it again. Because he gave it back in pieces. Can you die from a broken heart?
I am ugly in every way. I am an ugly human being. I am one of God's few mistakes. If I am this bad at being a human was I even supposed to be
I am so stupid. I'm failing all of my classes. In my town failing is getting a B. I wish I was getting a B. People make fun of me for being so stupid.
I know there is something wrong with me. I have a mental disorder of some sort. OCD and certainly depression. My mother even thinks I am schizophrenic.
I have an eating disorder. Anorexia. I am 5'5 and I weigh 95 pounds. I'm not skinny enough. My thighs jiggle when I run. My stomach isn't flat enough. I tried to make myself throw up once but I was too big of a wimp to do it.
I make my mother cry. My parents fight all the time.
I am ugly in every way. I am an ugly human being. I am one of God's few mistakes. If I am this bad at being a human was I even supposed to be
Well there was my rant. If you read all of this kudos to you because I probably wouldn't have. I'm just another teenage bitch who doesn't appreciate the life she has.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
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Comments:
By sparky at 08,Apr,12 23:50

So who do you talk to about it? I think you would feel better about everything if you confide in someone other than a site devoted to hating your life. All I can say is that being a teenager sucks(I assume your a teenager) When I was a teenager I felt so much pressure even though my parents didn't put as much on me as yours do on you. It gets better and easier to understand. And going to an Ivy League school is not the key to happiness. If it were then most people wouldn't be happy. Just do the best you can in school, don't feel discouraged, don't listen to the other kids and find somebody to confide in. Believe it or not there are people that are capable of caring for you, although it could take some looking to find one :/. Don't give up.


By ian at 09,Apr,12 02:31

I know this sounds cliche, but I understand a lot of what you're going through. Failing classes, cutting, drugs, feeling worthless and future-less. But there's always hope for the future and finding some way you could live that would actually make you happy... That part I haven't figured out yet. But I'm working on it. Feel free to email me at Loocsinatas1@aol.com if you want to talk.


By anonymous at 09,Apr,12 08:19

God's few mistakes? But He's supposed to be Perfect. And stop cutting for pete's sake. You're not gonna solve anything by doing that. It will just leave scars and make you feel even worse about yourself. You're ugly? 7 out of 10 teenagers feel the same way, so you're not alone. Put your schooling at the top of your priority list and go from there. Nothing is more valuable than education so make sure you don't fuck it up. Without the bloody col. diploma you'd be likely to wait tables for the rest of your life. Until then, you'll have me hitting repeatedly for the 'Yes, it sucks' button.


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