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Misery has no company

Posted by Guest at April 7, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Family

Hi,
I type this teary eyed and frustrated. My life has gone downhill, I have entered a realm of depression and lonliness. I can admit that I have had suicidal thoughts, but I think I may be able to conquer it. I go to counseling. I am a college student. This is my story.

21 years old. Small town kid. I have a suicidal brother, a mother with cancer, and a broken family. All of the pressure is on me to keep things together, to make something of myself, to graduate. In my small circle of friends, I am expected to be the comedian, the reliable one, the one to bend over backwards for someone. Sounds easy, right? It's not. All of my efforts to help others, makes me feel that I am constantly forgotten about. My friends think I am "stronger" than I am. I cover my pain with humor and by showering my friends with attention and gifts. It's an easy way to keep my mind off of my problems. However, lately, I've been feeling forgotten about. Stress has piled on top of existing stress, and my "best friend"has fallen off of the face of the Earth and only sees their significant other.

There is no worse feeling than knowing you will go out of your way to help someone out, but it will never be returned. I have lost my knowing of my self-value. This is too much for one person to handle, and I feel like I would be better off dead.

But then I must consider, how does that affect the people I care about? Would they be sad? Would they care? Do they even care about me? I honestly feel like they don't care about me, they would be sad because you are supposed to be sad when someone dies, but that feeling would disappear. Which makes me feel irrelevant. Maybe through my death, they will learn the importance of being a good friend, how to be reliable and dependable.

I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to be stuck in a world of stress, lonliness, and depression. This may be the easy way out. I have alot of thinking to do I suppose.

Thank you for allowing me to vent.


Votes:


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Comments:
By at 07,Apr,12 21:34

It really seems as though you are underappreciated. People close to you don't really seem to care about anything but themselves, so why should you care about them? I think you should just cut all ties with everyone who's using your generosity for their own personal gain and focus on yourself. Try doing something fun, just by yourself. Watch a movie, take a dump in a urinal, go days without bathing, run around in circles in a public place, shave your eyebrows. Have some fun and don't take shit so seriously.


By anonymous at 07,Apr,12 21:53

Get a life - people in third world countries have it harder than you. Try going hungry for a couple weeks, then post about life being hard. Suck it up.
By anonymous at 07,Apr,12 23:58

Thats is so rude. Yes there are people struggling and going hungry in other countries but that is not this persons situation. This person is dealing with something that is hard for them to deal with and its not like they are selfish. It was obviously stated tht this person does so much for others. How dare you downplay this persons problems as if they don't matter. Are you doing things for those children in other countries? If so God bless you but if not then please don't comment because for all you know this could have turned this person to actually commit suicide.


By anonymous at 07,Apr,12 22:55

My brother hanged himself 11 years ago. He was 7 years older then me and was my idle. You may not realize you are important in this world but you are here for a reason and it's not to kill yourself. Suicide is by far the most selfish act that anyone could do. Find your sanctuary and pray. Work hard and be kind to others. Karma always corrects.

good luck
By anonymous at 09,Apr,12 00:56

good advise! and believe me it works because i am a living proof of it. i went through a tough time in my early years, wanted to kill myself so much but talked myself out of it. i focuse all my energy in work, pray, and being kind to others. karma does come around.


By anonymous at 07,Apr,12 23:16

You said that you cover your pain with laughter but have you ever tried to tell your friends the pain that you are feeling? It could be possible that you hide your pain so well that they can not see you. In death the pain always goes away, it does not matter who you are, remember that.


By anonymous at 07,Apr,12 23:23

I was going through somthing like that not to long ago. I came from a broken home too and was one of many accedental pregnantcy babies, so i was never wanted. I was suecidal in a different way. I had fun with it. Every day is an adventure when you stop giving a fuck... and you ll have better stories. so CHUG a RED BULL and DOWN some BREW and see were life takes you. life sux FUCK IT. lifes what you make it. good luck


By anonymous at 08,Apr,12 04:23

I wish I could talk with you, though we have different situations, I feel similar. Right now I just feel like I have done so much and that it has amounted to nothing and that people i closest proximity to me just don't care how much I do for them. I wish I had someone to call and talk to right now - but there is no one in my life right now I can just call up at this hour and complain to. I hope things turn around for you, as I hope they do for me, too.


By anonymous at 08,Apr,12 05:23

I'm sorry to hear of your suffering. Dont lose heart, there is still much hope.

Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28


He is not too far to save, he can give you a new breathe, a new life, a new meaning to 'living'. He knows the pain you are going through, the hardship. He knows because he suffered more than any man when he was tortured and nailed on the cross for us. He loves you, he knows what your going through right now. "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26.

Your family does love you, God loves you, your friends do. Sounds like there is a lot of weight on your shoulders, this can cause a great deal of stress. Jesus can comfort you and take away your stress, just read that first verse again. Is it true? How bout you find out? Take Jesus at his word, stop ignoring him.

Though this life may fill with suffering jesus has given the greatest gift of all. Forgiveness of all of our sin. Eternal life. He defeated sin on the cross, he died for us. Accept him as your lord and savior, ask for forgiveness of your sin, and you will gain Life, more valuable than money, or anything else in the world.

Regards,


By anonymous at 08,Apr,12 05:28

Sometimes you have to take time out for yourself. I usually do this once a week. Just do something random, walk around downtown and grab a slice of pizza for 2 bucks or so and take a breather. Head to the music store and listen to some music or sit down in a book store and read a magazine. Then head over to the theater sit back and watch a movie. Find yourself.


By anonymous at 08,Apr,12 14:23

Spend time with yourself. Go out there and have fun. You are too young and life hasn't revealed itself yet for you. Problems are supposed to make you stronger, toughen it up and deal with them courageously. You can do it.


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