Hi,
I type this teary eyed and frustrated. My life has gone downhill, I have entered a realm of depression and lonliness. I can admit that I have had suicidal thoughts, but I think I may be able to conquer it. I go to counseling. I am a college student. This is my story.
21 years old. Small town kid. I have a suicidal brother, a mother with cancer, and a broken family. All of the pressure is on me to keep things together, to make something of myself, to graduate. In my small circle of friends, I am expected to be the comedian, the reliable one, the one to bend over backwards for someone. Sounds easy, right? It's not. All of my efforts to help others, makes me feel that I am constantly forgotten about. My friends think I am "stronger" than I am. I cover my pain with humor and by showering my friends with attention and gifts. It's an easy way to keep my mind off of my problems. However, lately, I've been feeling forgotten about. Stress has piled on top of existing stress, and my "best friend"has fallen off of the face of the Earth and only sees their significant other.
There is no worse feeling than knowing you will go out of your way to help someone out, but it will never be returned. I have lost my knowing of my self-value. This is too much for one person to handle, and I feel like I would be better off dead.
But then I must consider, how does that affect the people I care about? Would they be sad? Would they care? Do they even care about me? I honestly feel like they don't care about me, they would be sad because you are supposed to be sad when someone dies, but that feeling would disappear. Which makes me feel irrelevant. Maybe through my death, they will learn the importance of being a good friend, how to be reliable and dependable.
I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to be stuck in a world of stress, lonliness, and depression. This may be the easy way out. I have alot of thinking to do I suppose.
Thank you for allowing me to vent. | |
good luck
Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28
He is not too far to save, he can give you a new breathe, a new life, a new meaning to 'living'. He knows the pain you are going through, the hardship. He knows because he suffered more than any man when he was tortured and nailed on the cross for us. He loves you, he knows what your going through right now. "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26.
Your family does love you, God loves you, your friends do. Sounds like there is a lot of weight on your shoulders, this can cause a great deal of stress. Jesus can comfort you and take away your stress, just read that first verse again. Is it true? How bout you find out? Take Jesus at his word, stop ignoring him.
Though this life may fill with suffering jesus has given the greatest gift of all. Forgiveness of all of our sin. Eternal life. He defeated sin on the cross, he died for us. Accept him as your lord and savior, ask for forgiveness of your sin, and you will gain Life, more valuable than money, or anything else in the world.
Regards,
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