As long as I can remember I've been brainwashed to hate everything. Myself,my friends, my family , especially strangers I don't even know. My father a drug addicted alchoholic phsycopath, and my brother a brain damaged violent phsycopath were major influences on me it was an everyday thing no love or affection ever, only threats, punches, kicks and insults.
The difference between my situation and the average fucked up situation is that it wasn't as if I wnitnessed or was victim to a handful of traumatic events that wouldn't turn me into something I wouldn't be otherwise. Mine was constant 24/7 365 days a year nonstop every single day, no escape,
so as a child your learning all the skills you need to live In This world for the rest of your life, and what I learned was how to survive in a ruthless environment by showing no emotion not ever trusting anyon,and learning that all humans were a possible threat to me.
Now I'm 22 and Im supposed to be funloving and outgoing people say I need to just change, if only it were that simple, I don't even know if it's physically possible to unlearn everything I learned as a kid violence and hate was my whole life, the only thing I knew, I guess I can learn how to eat breathe and sleep differently too | |
I believe jesus can help you, he can heal your troubled heart. He can heal the scars of the past. He will give you peace and joy, he will erase your sins, he will care for you and give you life. John 14:11 “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full". "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28. Take him at his word, what do you have to lose?
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