Once i was put on this miserable little rock we call a planet i instantly messed up my mothers marriage. Hell, it wasn't even my fault she wanted to screw around with random people but she did anyway and I came about. Mymom got devorced because obviously the guy didn't want to take care of a kid that wasn't his. After she got devorced she started using coke heavily,she was already a user before i was born and was probably coked up when i was born. Eventually she ran up a debt with her dealers and one of them stabbed her in the neck. So now my 3 year old bastard ass has no parents so for the rest of my life im passed around my family like some bad disease. This is partially my fault because my heads so messed up and im full of anger so i destroyed the bonds i had with my family because i had felt they were nothing but substitutes. So now hear i am 17 years later and I have nothing to show. I graduated highschool but dropped outta community college for no reason other than i was lazy and didn't want to go. I never had a real girlfriend and i probably never will. No drivers liscence or car. Only one job in my life and i got fired for my non sociable attiude (I didn't smile enough). I have braces and im almost 20. I live with my uncle who always talks about how he has cancer and is gonna die. Once he dies there will be no one who cares for me, hell i dont even care for myself. I mean how could I when the person who put me on this earth left me in a crib to go out and snort blow and get herslef killed. Everyday i go out I hear people and how they have problems with siblings and parents and girlfriends, I just laugh cause I know they dont know what real problems are. Being lonely all the time hearing your consciene tell you how much of a failure you are. Smoking pot everyday not because its fun but because its the only thing that'll keep you from not killing someone. Knowing that once your unlce dies you wont have a pot to piss in. Trying to find a job but no one will hire you because you come off as socially detached unless im high.Having to live knowing that your parents didn't give a rats ass about you. Yea thats the shit I'm in and the stuff I hear people bitch about I would live for. Ofcourse I change my past now only my future and hope things turn out better, but from my lifes track record I doubt anything will get better. | |
I HEARD A LADY ONCE SAY , IF YOU HAD BAD PARENTS OR YOUR PARENTS ARE GONE, YOU HAVE TO BE YOUR OWN PARENT! MEANING THAT YOU GIVE YOURSELF THE THINGS THEY NEVER GAVE YOU, NOT IN THE MATERIAL SENSE EITHER. I HOPE YOU GET BETTER :)
XO
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