I am 19. Some aspects of my life are okay. I have a good family and parents that care for me. I get good grades and am on my way to graduate college. I wouldn't say I'm ugly, but I wouldn't say I'm gorgeous either.
Despite the "good" in my life, there are other things. I have chronic depression. No matter what I do, I'm never happy. I found this sight by typing "life sucks" into Google because all of my thoughts are based on depressing and negative thoughts. I also have situational depression, which causes my to go into a deep, dark, suicidal depression when bad things happen. This is where I am today.
My best friend (guy), just fell for my other best friend (girl), even though they both knew my strong feelings for the guy. I've been pushed away. I no longer matter. I am worthless and have been realizing that I have been all along. I have no friends.
I used to know a girl, who changed my life forever. She had a heart attack and is now a vegetable. She can't do anything and I miss her.
I recently had 2 family members die of cancer, and 2 friends committ suicide. I am in a horrible financial situation and I don't know what to do.
This may not seem like anything HORRIBLE, but no one knows what depression is like until they're in their deepest, darkest hours, contemplating suicide. It takes over my mind. It consumes my world. It blinds me. I can't escape. I'm trapped in this dreary place. I can't find a way out. I'm worthless. I'm done. I can't handle the feeling of being controlled by depression, but no matter what I do, it's there, controling my mind and thoughts, taunting me. I have iscolated myself from the world. I don't care if people think this is dumb, or something not to worry about. I know my pain. I know how this feels. I know. And no one understands. No one cares. | |
I bet you're wrong. I bet you, there are a gazillion people on this site that KNOW EXACTLY how you feel! In fact, we all have experienced fear, rejection, worthlessness, financial woes, and thoughts of suicide and depression. Have you ever spoken of your depression with your folks? There are anti-depressants for depression. I personally was on Paxil for the longest time to get over a severe depressive episode in my life... I weaned myself off it, once things were better, but if I hadn't gotten a prescription from my doctor, I probably would still be curled up in the fetal position! In any case, you ARE NOT ALONE. Lucky you- you have all of us:)
Contrary to belief, life is not a bowl of cherries. There are constantly hurdles in life that we are forced to jump over- for you, it is unrequited love. But trust me kid, you will survive! You are not worthless- just depressed. It can be fixed though, and you have the power to do it!!
Make a doctors appointment ASAP. Get on some meds and get your life back on track. The most important thing for you to focus on is SCHOOL. Relationships will follow. Once you are secure and happy with yourself, then you will be ready to get involved with someone... But for now, you are young, beautiful/handsome (not sure if you're a woman or a man) and you're time to fall in love will come again-
Be strong
Immerse yourself in your work- succeed and you will be just fine!
Good luck-
Cursed
And thank you for your comment, fellow 19 year old. It is good to know someone else can relate and really knows. I wish you the best of luck, and if you ever need to talk to someone, I'll be glad to. Thank you for commenting. It did help.
Don't worry too much..... You're not alone and that does not give you a reason to contemplate on suiciding... have you tried getting a pet? or some activities that you would like doing?? Cheer up.. People do care about you.. if not why would we be commenting and consoling you? ..
My best advice is take action to pull yourself out of the vicious cycle of depression. Make a list of things you need to do (i.e. Getting out of bed, take a shower, eat breakfast, etc.) and check them off as you go. It seems stupid but rewarding yourself feels good after being so hard on yourself for so long. Try and get some exercise every day, even if it's just a brisk walk outside. This will give you a sense of accomplishment and it also releases chemicals in your body that make you feel good.
Stop being hard on yourself, a mental illness should be viewed as no different than a physical illness; you wouldn't get down on yourself if you had the flu.
Getting help may be the hardest thing you ever do but it is necessary, this help can be from family or friends, professionals, and/or medication. You need to remember that things can get better, they will get better, and with help you can beat your depression.
If you're not quite ready to reach out for help, try reading a book on depression like 'Feeling Good' by Dr. Burns or something similar.
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