I have just spent the whole day in bed.....again and it's been the hottest day of the year so far, this is a regular occurence for me lately as I just don't want to carry on. I am only 32 but have had nothing but bad experience, loneliness and rejection. At 18 months old my real Mum gave me up, she has a severe mental illness, my Dad brought me up with my step-mum step sister and half sister, I was blamed, mentally and physically abused and was admitted to hospital with depression and anxiety at the age of 13 through the unhappiness and loneliness I had at home. At 16 I was chucked out of home and my own depression got worse, at 19 I was admitted again to hopsital and moved away from the town my Dad and step mum lived, believing I would have a fresh start, I have constantly battled with severe loneliness ever since, I was with one bloke that loved but was sectioned at 23 (smoking cannabis) and it tore us apart. I have a series of disastarous relationships, liars, cheats etc and have no family where I live and recently let go of a whole social circle because they were using me and more interested in drugs. I have gone to university as a mature student and I am in my 2nd year but I come home to my own flat every night lost and lonely. I feel like I am cursed and that thins will not get better. I would love nothing more than to meet a great man have a family, security love and happiness which I have missed out on for so much of my life. I am pretty desperate and often think killing myself would be so much easier to this pain but I know I would never do it. Just wish things would get better, so unhappy.