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mentally lonely

Posted by socrates77 at March 22, 2012
Tags: Loneliness  2012 March

Since I can remember as a kid I always was different from the other kids. I never had a father and did not have an affectioned mother. She try to hide her loneliness and fears going to church, living in denial and went she wasn't in church she did not act like a Christian. Religion never made sense to me and for me there is no reason to believe in God, I try going thru church but something told me that I was lying to myself by having fate or believing in something supernatural. My deep curiosity is like a curse, it seems everybody follows tradition but yet no one really wants to accept the truth. I feel everybody is a coward and I cannot have a decent conversation or a smart conversation with anyone. Atheist seem to just be angry with religion but they don't offer anything to understand the human condition. My mother died and I am now alone without family, because my mother neglected me I struggle with social skills, and I cannot find someone to at least share my seek for the truth or at least give it to me straight. (Does anybody know the reason we still have so many wars and famine around the world?) Why do people think we are smarter than animals when love stops at all the borders of most countries. I try to commit suicide a year ago , I kept quiting jobs because I can make sense of the eat race. Don't want to go to college because I don't understand why someone has to do the same related job for the rest of their lives. Committing suicide makes sense to me but I love and respect myself, I know that if something bad happens I will probably do it right this time. The only person that makes sense to me is Ayn Rand but most of all society ignores her philosophy. I feel even if I have lots of friends I will have to surrender my truth seeking nature and just become a comformist with the rest of the world.


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Similar Entries:
Lonely June 15, 2012
What's the point February 9, 2012
Whats the point March 8, 2012
MY LIFE SUCKS BUT NOT FOR LONG January 21, 2011
Just sad and lonely October 27, 2011



New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 08:35

There are wars and bad people doing bad things because god gave people free will and you are here to learn lessons and you only learn from your mistakes. Sure some people never learn, because free will.You know you are not supposed to do the right thing because god told you or because you might go to hell. You do the right thing because you know in your heart its the right thing to do. LOVE MANY,TRUST FEW, DO HARM TO NO ONE.


By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 11:14

Hi Soc, first your thinking and your thoughts are at the moment sending you in the wrong direction, it's because you dont understand the wisdom growing within you. Your asking "the" questions that others unfortunately never will. Once asked you can never go back to being "Normal", it will feel lonely at times, but dont worry, your very special! There are a few of us that have made the same journey as you are about to, hang in there, it's worth it. Life sucks, NO! Life is the miracle, you will understand, don't rush. Remember, you are special! Bye Prospero.


By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 11:57

Don't think about life too much, it will just wear you out. Trying to seek for the truth is preety much like solving the mystery of how life in the planet starts. You can present bunch of theories, but you'll never have the entire world believes in you completey, there would be doubts, questions but that's the way it's supposed to be. In the end you'll figure out it's what you strongly believe in that matters most, despite the million antagonists, and it's your truth until proven otherwise. Good luck.


By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 11:58

Don't think about life too much, it will just wear you out. Trying to seek for the truth is preety much like solving the mystery of how life in the planet starts. You can present bunch of theories, but you'll never have the entire world believes in you completey, there would be doubts, questions but that's the way it's supposed to be. In the end you'll figure out it's what you strongly believe in that matters most, despite the million antagonists, and it's your truth until proven otherwise. Good luck.


By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 12:52

Hi, i like to share something with you. Since I was a kid I knew I was different too. I had 'why' questions since I were young and I see and feel the good & bad things of life if I want it or not. Frustrated and irritated by people who don't understand, who walk (in my view) blindly and ow so happy (fake?) through life like its nothing. I tried to talk about it with 'friends' or 'family' about what I see and about my questions, but their just laughing or look concerned and walk out of my life. My parents believe in God and took me to church on sunday until I was 16 so I can decide on my own if I go or not. And no I didn't because where is he when the world needs him and why should i pray for my food that I work for, besides I'm more in to science and still if you don't have to go to church if you believe is my opinion. Anyway, So here I am, 25 young attractive woman with a lot of ambitions, talents & humor, but lonely, misunderstood. I Love myself, telling myself that I'm not crazy, I'm not fake, I learn & get stronger every day. Its hard sometimes I know, specially with work (working with people who can sit at one place for their rest of their boring lives), relationships (someone who understands is hard to find) and stuff. I accepted the fact that I am different and that there is more in life then people who don't think outside the box. I got a talent for drawing, writing and music and I love to airbrush on walls. So I focuss on that and laugh everyday. I know I will meet someone some day who does understand and love me. What I'm trying to say is, I know life is not easy, specially when your not a sheep like most others, and when you have to fight all the time is exhausting. Just accept the fact that you have the gift too see and feel more, feel blessed you're a life, try to enjoy it, do things you like, count your blessings and don't let others make you feel like your nothing cause you know way better then that!


By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 13:43

You see Soc, your not the only one that thinks out of the box, your not alone! Wars and famine, I guess mankind is still in its primevial infancy, probably "greed" is the prime ingredient to mankinds aggression, and religions too! . It's not until we can live in harmony with the planet can we truly be at peace and wars, famine will no longer exist, not in our life times i'm afraid, but lets make a start! From little acorns do oak tree's grow. Pros.


By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 16:03

I agree with the things Prospero said btw. And indeed youre not the only one who thinks out of the box, thats what i tried to show you with my story. I use to think like you, you know with seeing curiousity as a curse. But right now i think its usefull. Yes we do see more then we want to see but we learn from it and get wiser and stronger every day. Society makes us believe to fit to a certain group, well unfortanitly our group is not populair. Maybe they do fear for people like us, they system benefits on full of people who don't think further and just busy trying to make a career and work as long as they can in the same company, trying to get a higher function, the greed for more money and status but meanwhile getting shit on. And people are comforteble inside a box, feels safe, try to keep it safe and nice by not loosing there jobs. Look at the news, they try to fear us everyday. I think the world needs people who think out of the box, to make a change. Anyway, we do not agree with things in life, but right now, we got to life it. So why not make the best of it. Try to make money with something you do like to do (perhaps you do find a study that you really like), so you can do things you really enjoy after work and weekends. Make the best of it. Don't focus to much on the bad things that will only make you feel frustrated and miserable. Things are what they are. On the way you will get answers and meet people who understands you and love you. Best feeling there is. I wish you a good life!
By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 21:49

Miranda, Wise and Admirable words! Pros


By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 17:03

I have been through a situation similar to yours, although by no means am I equating your life experiences with my own. I too am rather young (19), and grew up as a "cultural" 9atholic, attending entirely catholic schools up through and including high school. I have never really been religious, which put me at odds with my family and the rest of the school. I can to the personal conclusion of negating the existence of a higher being around the "age of reason", which I joke was around 7. I think that your questions of the human condition and questioning your place in a chaotic and indifferent world is something most people rarely do, religion being the prime means of diverting the question and providing a solution we'd all like to hear: we have an innate purpose, their is a plan, etc. This however is not true, at least for me. What I would recommend to you as a stranger with all sincerity is the work "The Myth of Sisyphus" by Albert Camus. It is a crucial manifesto of the absurdist doctrine, and is something that I think is directly relatable to your situation. Know that your questios concerning the human condition are the same questions people have been dealing with for a millennia. It is a trait that separates us from creatures of lower intelligence, our knowledge of our impermanence and eventual death. It is our task to create meaning in this truly absurd existence. It is something that people rarely acknowledge to to fear and dread of the truth. Realize that in spite of this life is worth living, and the recognition of these truths lead to innate and true freedom. I hope this helps, and wish you all the best on your journey.


By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 17:03

I have been through a situation similar to yours, although by no means am I equating your life experiences with my own. I too am rather young (19), and grew up as a "cultural" 9atholic, attending entirely catholic schools up through and including high school. I have never really been religious, which put me at odds with my family and the rest of the school. I can to the personal conclusion of negating the existence of a higher being around the "age of reason", which I joke was around 7. I think that your questions of the human condition and questioning your place in a chaotic and indifferent world is something most people rarely do, religion being the prime means of diverting the question and providing a solution we'd all like to hear: we have an innate purpose, their is a plan, etc. This however is not true, at least for me. What I would recommend to you as a stranger with all sincerity is the work "The Myth of Sisyphus" by Albert Camus. It is a crucial manifesto of the absurdist doctrine, and is something that I think is directly relatable to your situation. Know that your questios concerning the human condition are the same questions people have been dealing with for a millennia. It is a trait that separates us from creatures of lower intelligence, our knowledge of our impermanence and eventual death. It is our task to create meaning in this truly absurd existence. It is something that people rarely acknowledge to to fear and dread of the truth. Realize that in spite of this life is worth living, and the recognition of these truths lead to innate and true freedom. I hope this helps, and wish you all the best on your journey.


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