Since I can remember as a kid I always was different from the other kids. I never had a father and did not have an affectioned mother. She try to hide her loneliness and fears going to church, living in denial and went she wasn't in church she did not act like a Christian. Religion never made sense to me and for me there is no reason to believe in God, I try going thru church but something told me that I was lying to myself by having fate or believing in something supernatural. My deep curiosity is like a curse, it seems everybody follows tradition but yet no one really wants to accept the truth. I feel everybody is a coward and I cannot have a decent conversation or a smart conversation with anyone. Atheist seem to just be angry with religion but they don't offer anything to understand the human condition. My mother died and I am now alone without family, because my mother neglected me I struggle with social skills, and I cannot find someone to at least share my seek for the truth or at least give it to me straight. (Does anybody know the reason we still have so many wars and famine around the world?) Why do people think we are smarter than animals when love stops at all the borders of most countries. I try to commit suicide a year ago , I kept quiting jobs because I can make sense of the eat race. Don't want to go to college because I don't understand why someone has to do the same related job for the rest of their lives. Committing suicide makes sense to me but I love and respect myself, I know that if something bad happens I will probably do it right this time. The only person that makes sense to me is Ayn Rand but most of all society ignores her philosophy. I feel even if I have lots of friends I will have to surrender my truth seeking nature and just become a comformist with the rest of the world.