LIFE SUCKS

I'm sorry for making you sorry.

People ask, "Is there life after death?"
I think, "Is there life before death?"

People ask, "Where do you hurt?"
I think, "What must it be like for these people not to hurt?"

People ask, "Do you think there is a purgatory?"
I think, "Yes, and this is it - we're in it."

People ask, "Do you think there is a hell after you die?"
I think, "I know that this is hell before I die, and I wouldn't expect anything to change just because my heart quits."

People ask, "Don't you believe that Jesus will heal you if you only believe?"
I think, "I did believe in Him, until He didn't."

People ask, "Are you in pain?"
I think, "I wouldn't be anywhere else."

People say, "People would like you better if you would smile and not frown ALL the time."
I think, "If I smiled, then people would detest me for being such a phony, pretending that life is good and God is so, so good to me, and I'm fine, doing well, and couldn't be better. Better to be a poor man than a liar. If I have to be poor, then better to be poor and hold to my integrity than to be poor and a liar as well."

People ask, "How long is this expected to last?"
I think, "I've existed with it for forty or fifty years, so I guess it will last another forty or fifty years, or until the Lord has mercy and ends it."

People say, "You know there are people who are much worse off than you."
I think, "And that helps me how?"

People think, "Why don't you just kill yourself and put yourself out of your misery?"
I think, "I can't, because the Lord commands, 'You shall not murder.' Since I can't, why don't you do it for me? Oh, I see... you're not willing to commit murder, either."

People used to ask, "Why didn't you have any children?" or "What, you've never married? Are you queer?" or "Your anger and your attitude make it impossible for people to talk to you!" or "Get out, and get a job!"
Please read the previous ¶ one more time.

People ask, "Isn't there some therapy or surgery that can help?"
I think, "Do the words 'inoperable', 'incurable', 'any therapy will make it worse,' and 'ANY surgery will cause some loss of brain function' mean ANYTHING to you? Or were you not paying attention when I explained that to you?"

People say, "I'm sure that things will get better if you only pray."
I think, "Once upon a time, long, long ago and far, far away, I was sure of that too."

People say, "You know that God is still in the miracle-working business."
I think, "And how many miracles or healings have you seen this year? Or last year? The year before?"

People ask, "Can't you take something for the pain?"
I think, "I can take anything at all for the pain, but nothing takes it away, it just makes me unconscious, and I can't sleep 24/7 - I always wake up, eventually, and I'm back to square one, where nothing has changed."

People say, "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry."
I think, "I'm sorry for making you sorry," or
"You are so blessed not to hurt like this."

I think, "I wish I could die and this be over."
People say nothing, and then they avoid me.

Where is the glory for God in this lifetime endurance contest against pain, which of us can outlast the other, me or the pain?

If you won't pray for me, that's your business, and no one will put a curse on you if you don't. If you want to pray for me, you are certainly at liberty to do so. Just don't get your hopes up or your faith weakened.

It is what it is. At least it's not worse than it is. Yet. Give it time.

Now go away and leave me alone. I have to go do something of which you would disapprove, and for which you would criticize me.