I am 22, male-gay. I am so ugly that I am worthless. No takes me seriously. I am disrespected or simply taken for granted. I am place in a very disadvantaged position wherein the world I live judges me on how I look physically. I can't enjoy my life because on how I look. I am made fun because of my condition. I have a fat face with facial features that are too near each other. My eyebrows are sagging that it makes my eyes smaller. My nose doesn't have a bridge, it has a flat tip and wide alars. My lips are thick uneven and very disproportionate.
My skin is full of imperfections. Acne, blackheads, whiteheads, ice pick scars, deep scars, spots, and unwanted facial hair and enlarged pores. I have cystic acne which is very hard to treat even with Accutane.
My body is very disproportionate. Not muscular enough for a man's body. I have a big belly with tiny arms and legs. I have been working out for the past 5 years but my efforts proved to be ineffective.
I want to enjoy my life. But I am restricted on the way I look. I can't look well in pictures and go out with friends because I can't look good because of my face and skin and I can't wear nice clothes because of my body. Why is the world like this? It is soo unfair for me to have these soo much problems to bear. I cry every night because I feel like I'm doomed, I am a useless garbage. No matter what I do I look disgusting and filthy. I am exhausted and aggravated by life. I have no friends and social life to speak of. I am gay. I don't want to have my own family because I have bad genes which might affect my offsprings and they might suffer the same fate as I did.
I am considering cosmetic surgery and skin treatment very seriously now. But I'm scared of surgery and I can't afford it considering I have many problematic areas, facial features and body. I can maintain dermatological treatments to because of limited funds and hectic school schedule.
What am I gonna do with my life? I am a useless trash, a sad desperate soul. This problem is too much for me to handle that I am seriously depressed and thinking of committing suicide.. But I'm scared of suicide so I wish every night while crying to die in my sleep instead.
I can't say it enough that I'm sad. I'm depressed. I'm lonely. I am so insecure. I think I have a body dysmorphic disorder as a psychological effect of persistent cystic acne. I have an Adonis dysmorphic disorder because of my insecurities of my body.
To other reading this, I might sound shallow. I am shallow. Everyone is. I wanna die right now.
I blame my grandma for being ugly. I blame my grandpa for choosing her. I blame my father and mother for this acne. I blame my father for this body. I blame the person responsible for making me gay. I don't want to be gay. This is too much! I am angry. More than I am sad depressed and lonely, I am angry for those responsible for my sufferings emotionally psychologically mentally and physically. My life is useless from the start. No one can love me because of my looks. I would never have a boyfriend.
I want to cry and cry and cry but I can't cry any more tears. I'm so hurt., no one can help me. | |
I think everyone goes through their own image problem, and you are not alone in this matter(I also have a severe case of acne that stresses me out). Your mom, dad, grandma, or grandpa, who gave you (what you think are) horrible traits, each found a loving partner who loves them for who they are. You will find that special guy, just keep looking and don't be discouraged!
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, well, not really, but anyway, you're pretty much fucked.
You and Mercy are the ones I love the most! XD
God, I need you badly!
instead try to learn things by which u can earn money in future, with money u can bye joy.
NO, you aren't useless. You might make a good writer. You may find solace in artistic areas which you can use as an outlet. And when I say that, I don't mean self-pity type of literature.
You need to find something you love doing that makes you feel good about yourself. You have a major issue with self-esteem. It's good to be concerned about body-image in order to take care of yourself but you're taking it to extreme proportions!
but I do know it is different from drag queen.
so do you want to be a more attractive gay man or do you want to become a woman?
thank once again,please help me thank this great therapist.
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