I'm 24 and I wish I would be normal. I wish I could satisfy my parents expectations. But I'm too distracted. I think my brain is slowly rotting, because I can't seem to concentrate on my studies or social life.
I am overweight, not that much, but still. I tried going to the gym, eating healthy, but I can't keep up with it. I will try starving, but I don't think that will make any difference.
Most of days I don't understand myself. I'm studying something that involves communicating with people, but everyday I seem more and more distant from everyone. I want to be loved, but I think in a way, I reject people and then try to close up to them and get rejected by them. I know it's my fault, but I just don't know how to reach people, how to put behind all my insecurities, complexes, everything. I'm afraid to get too close to people, I'm afraid of being hurt by someone I trust.
I'm looking for a job, but no luck here. I feel like money is one of the factors of me not going out much. Everyone likes to go out for a movie, drinks, but I have to calculate every penny. I put a toll on my parents strugling to make ends meet. They probably hate me. I hate myself too.
I wish I was dead. No one would remember me and I stop causing trouble to everyone else. I am no use for this society. My thoughts are worthless, my existance is meaningless. I am suffocating. | |
...so fuck off already. At least you don't have to play the tuba!
God bless.
God bless.
New Comment