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Sick and tired of myself

Posted by peaches at March 11, 2012
Tags: Attitude  2012 March

I'm 24 and I wish I would be normal. I wish I could satisfy my parents expectations. But I'm too distracted. I think my brain is slowly rotting, because I can't seem to concentrate on my studies or social life.
I am overweight, not that much, but still. I tried going to the gym, eating healthy, but I can't keep up with it. I will try starving, but I don't think that will make any difference.

Most of days I don't understand myself. I'm studying something that involves communicating with people, but everyday I seem more and more distant from everyone. I want to be loved, but I think in a way, I reject people and then try to close up to them and get rejected by them. I know it's my fault, but I just don't know how to reach people, how to put behind all my insecurities, complexes, everything. I'm afraid to get too close to people, I'm afraid of being hurt by someone I trust.

I'm looking for a job, but no luck here. I feel like money is one of the factors of me not going out much. Everyone likes to go out for a movie, drinks, but I have to calculate every penny. I put a toll on my parents strugling to make ends meet. They probably hate me. I hate myself too.

I wish I was dead. No one would remember me and I stop causing trouble to everyone else. I am no use for this society. My thoughts are worthless, my existance is meaningless. I am suffocating.


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Similar Entries:
untitled story August 2, 2011
Alone July 1, 2012
life sucks March 28, 2012
Pull the goddamn trigger already March 16, 2012
Tired of life May 15, 2012



New Comment

Comments:
By Truth at 13,Mar,12 19:07

shut the fuck up you sissy ass shitbag. When I was your age I had to walk to school barefoot, uphill, both ways, in the snow, carrying a tuba.

...so fuck off already. At least you don't have to play the tuba!
By anonymous at 14,Mar,12 01:24

Really? What are you? 90 years old? Who the hell walks barefoot, besides redneck hillbillies with no teeth and no intellect. If you have no self-esteem and feel the need to prey on people who need to express themselves, then please, go to the nearest bar in your hick town, I'm sure there's an array of choices, and make fun of the first hick you see. Most likely your dead beat father. Also, you would not be carrying a tuba in the winter because tuba's are only used for marching band and they are not allowed to be in cold temperatures or they will freeze the mouth piece. Good try idiot.
By Truth at 14,Mar,12 01:57

You're one dumb nigger


By anonymous at 13,Mar,12 19:31

peaches; you sound like a whiny little BITCH.


By at 13,Mar,12 20:07

These rude comments aren't going to help her either, you know sometime's other's feel like they're that way because of a certain situation. Putting her down is only going to make her not want to be around anyone more than the not. I haven't been in this particular situation but I pray and hope everything works out for you. And you can do whatever you put your mind to. Love always
By at 14,Mar,12 05:16

What a fagget hippy... seriously...


By anonymous at 14,Mar,12 01:27

peaches: I know some people would not agree with me, but I am a pharmacy major and I felt many of the same feeling you are feeling about my weight and intelligence. I went to a psychiatrist and got a prescription for Vyvanse and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I lost 30 pounds and I can multi-task like it's nobodies business. I guess it is a last resort kind of thing, but I call it my confidence in a pill. Only thing is if you have high blood pressure or anyone in family has a history of high blood pressure, the doctor may hesitate to give you a script. Good luck!


By anonymous at 14,Mar,12 05:09

Stop thinking so negatively about yourself. Yeah things are currently difficult, but there is a future hope. Stop thinking your worthless, your on this planet for a reason. Your parents do love you, they just want the best for you, they dont blame you or hate you. Keep applying to jobs, go volunteer somewhere, try to network a bit. Insecurity is a common issue that most people will deal with at times in their life, your letting it control your life, look at the positives that you posesses, whether you know it or not you are gifted, you have positives. Stop looking at the cup as half empty and start looking at it as half full. I'm sure there are thousands of people who would love to be in your shoes. Who cares if your slightly overweight, again your focusing on the small negatives as if its the end of the world. Keep your head up, bite your lip, get a bit arrogant, grab life by the horns. Pray to jesus to help you, to help to get through your insecurities and depression, for a job to open up. "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls". For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light." Give your life to him and he'll give you life.

God bless.

God bless.


By anonymous at 14,Mar,12 09:09

your parents don't hate you, in fact they may feel a little worried about whatever is going on with you. Having no friends at all really suck but believe me you only need yourself to pull through. don't focus on your weak points instead shift your attention to the possible strenghts that you possess and fortify them. get into something that will not only keep the bod healthy but also help you rearrange your mindset. youre not physically denied so drop the bitching habit and start the change. Good luck


By anonymous at 14,Mar,12 09:17

a wet pussy and a dry purse dont add up?


By anonymous at 14,Mar,12 14:12

there is no such thing as love except between a parent and their offspring so stop looking for it and just live life


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