Hello.
As I was young, my friends always made fun of my intellect. They often exposed me in public and soon everyone laughed at me. I am not very smart. That pretty much killed me.
And also I am ugly, very ugly. My skin is very thin and full of acne. At parties I was often called "Pizza face". I went to several doctors about it but every single one of them proposed cremes (or other stuff) which made it much worse. Then I realized that food may cause it. So I stopped eating pretty much everything which contains fat and sugar. It got a little bit better, but not much.
I am broke. When I wander through the streets I either get looks out of pity or I disgust people. And of course I never had a girlfriend, even so I tried hard by reading books and training "in the fields" (clubs, parties, ...). Never had a chance.
I guess the thing I mostly hate are my friends. They always try to encourage me. I'm not sure they do this to make me feel better. I rather think they do this to keep their illusion, that their success came from their actions. The truth is: Life is a joke and it doesn't matter how much you try to accomplish something if you are full of sh*t. You will fail all the time.
I wish someone would someday tell me that I shouldn't try to be loved. That I shouldn't put all effort in finding a girlfriend but just to accept my situation. But since they always tell me not to give up, I blame myself, even though deep down I know better.
I have no hope. And now I somehow feel tricked, as they told me it would get better. It didn't. I am 25 years old and I pretty much everything went worse. Still stupid, still ugly, still lonely. I don't see how it could possibly turn out good.
For about one year, I wish for death every day. Often I can't even concentrate on my work. But I cannot kill myself, I'm not selfish enough.
So I just wait... | |
How have we survived?You tell me
and it's true, most women want guys with $. so try to be successful and u will get all of these women after you.
Goodluck.
People whose lives are good spend a lot of psychological energy maintaining the belief that their nice lives are to their credit ... like they did something to deserve being the way we are. But that's horseshit. We all just *are* the way we are; some of us got lucky with the hand they were dealt, others (like me and you) did not.
Normal people don't put huge amounts of energy into just being normal. It's just the way they are. They look normal; they fit in with other people comfortably. They didn't *do* anything to be this way. Yet we can exert massive efforts to be like them, and we won't get anywhere. This is why normal people ought to have more sympathy for us. But for a roll of the genetic dice, they would be like us ... always on the outside of life, sadly looking in at the warmth and companionship that others just take for granted.
I've been rejected by everyone all of my life, going back to my earliest memories (I'm 54). I never did anything, or failed to do something, to deserve being what I am ... I just am what I am. I'm like a guy lost in the woods on a snowy night, who comes across a house and looks in the window at the warm and happy people inside, just going about their lives. There is no place for me in this world.
Enough rejection and you learn not to try anymore. My life energy is like a flickering candle that will be extinguished by one more rejection. I have to carry my candle to the finish line (death) somehow without it going out completely.
Thanks for your post. Please know that at least one other person relates completely. I don't begrudge those normal, happy people their happiness. I only wish they'd be a bit more sympathetic towards the small number of who just aren't a part of life.
I know you will probably never see this. And I know you've probably heard something similar to this before. But I've got to put this out there...
You're wrong. I don't care what you look like or whatever. You're wrong. First of all, you can't what you see on Facebook or on the streets as the truth. Much of it is a lie. Plenty of "warm and happy" people you see on the sidewalks, go home and sit and are lonely. Yes, I would never say that it's not harder for some people in this world to form meaningful relationships.
But you have to find your place!!! You have to keep trying, move to a different state if you have to, but keep trying. And lower your fricken standards. Go to a homeless shelter and volunteer, someone there will be sure to treat you decently.
Please don't think any of this was said in anger. But you're wrong. There is no one on Earth who was fated to be outside of life. The cliche, white American version of this life, perhaps. But not all life. There are PLENTY of other and fuller ways to live.
What would you think if your best friend told you this? How ridiculous does this sound, it sounds like you need a therapist or to join martial arts to learn self esteem, and to switch a pessistimic negative attitude towards a positive healthy attitude towards yourself. Because if you do not switch your attitude you will truly be very ugly, poor, and disgusting, without hope, or love and death would be the best option.
In terms of acne, I used to go to one dermatologist for acne for a year and a half, and it never healed than I switched doctors, and using similar creams we found a working regime, now I do not have acne except for very minor pimples occasionally. Finding the right dermatologist really helped me.
Maybe it is better to not have advice and to wallow in your negative thinking. Go fix your acne and your thoughts, or your life will suck!
You can't be as stupid as you think because you figured it all out without the help of your pretty stupid friends. 96% of the world have hangups about looks because they have very little brains and natural good looks don't need much work, i.e. Is inherited, not earned. Stop wasting your energy on what people think (they don't) of your looks and concentrate on what you like doing. Less anxiety will do wonders for your selfesteem and skin condition.
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